Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese

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Running for the Kitties

So now that spring has sprung in Vancouver and all of the various pathogenswith which I’ve been infectedappear to have left the building, I’ve gotten back into the swing of things running-wise. I’m really, really slow from having taken so much time off from running1, but I’m confident that if I keep getting out there, the speed will eventually return.

I met up with my BMO Marathon Relay teammates for brunch on Saturday to discuss logistics, and I’m really looking forward to that event, which a mere 20 days from now! Fortunately, I’m training for the Scotiabank Half Marathon and the 13 km I will need to run for my leg of the relay is in line with my training plan2.

And speaking of the Scotiabank Half Marathon, I’ve signed up to run as part of Team VOKRA, which is raising money for the Vancouver Orphan Kitten Rescue Organization (VOKRA), which I’m sure you will remember is where I got my kitties from. They do good work in rescuing kitties and finding them safe and loving homes, so I’m happy to help support their work. WhileVOKRA is run byvolunteers, there are lots of costs that need to be covered when it comes torescuing, caring for, and eventually placing homeless cats in their forever homes such as:

  • prenatal, natal, and bottle feeding program
  • trap/spay or neuter/return program
  • supplying all foster homes with food and supplies
  • medical emergencies/medications

The team has a goal of raising $10,000 through our Scotiabank Half Marathon fundraising, so please consider donating on my fundraising page:

Watson in a bow tieWatson & Crick say “Please Sir or Madam, won’t you donate to help the kitties?”

  1. Not to mention the [redacted number] lbs that I gained over the winter thanks to taking so much time off from running and also Drink-cember. []
  2. I’m scheduled to run 13 km the week before BMO, as it so happens. The weekend of BMO is supposed to be a “rest” week where I go back to 8 km, but I figure two 13 km long runs in a row will be fine. []

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Jobs That LinkedIn Inexplicably Thinks I’m Qualified For

Every week, LinkedIn sends me an email of suggested job postings for me to check out1. It titles the email like this:

Beth: [Name of employer], [Name of employer], and [Name of employer] are looking for candidates like you!

and has “Top job picks for you!” written at the top of the email.

Now, you’d think with all the references to *me* and the fact that LinkedIn has my detailed resume of my actual educational and job history, they might be able to suggest jobs that I’m actually qualified for. And it wouldn’t be hard, one would think, to find jobs that I have the credentials for, given that I have a plethora of them.

However, for the vast majority of the jobs they suggest, I am in no way qualified. Some of my favourite of their outlandish suggestions include:

  • Operating Room Nurse – I am not a nurse
  • Cosmetic Plastic Surgeon – Though I am a doctor, I am not that kind of doctor
  • Senior Economist, Government of Alberta – I don’t know that 4 modules of econ classes that I took in my MBA quite qualify me to be a senior economist. An economist maybe….
  • Senior Water Resources Research Engineer – nope
  • Instructor in the Piping Department at a local Institute of Technology – I don’t even know what this means
  • Canada Research Chair in Advanced Manufacturing at a different Institute of Technology – Umm…
  • Instructor in Sculpture a local Art College University – I don’t even know where to start with this one
  • Head Coach for a Women’s Basketball Team at a local college – this must be due to my long and storied career as a 5 ft tall basketball player
  • Spiritual Care Advisor in a health organization – I know I am ordained, but I don’t think this really what they’d be looking for (and it’s not listed on my LinkedIn profile)
  1. This, despite the fact that I love my job and am not looking for a new one. []

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Whistler

So I went skiing up at Whistler on Saturday. It’s pretty freaking awesome to live somewhere where you can get up in the morning and in less than 2 hours be on the slopes of some of the best skiing in the world. You can spend the entire day skiing and still get home in time for dinner! This is something that I really should take advantage of more often!

The conditions were decidedly spring skiing conditions – the temperature in the village got up to a high of 19 degrees C and even up at the peak it was above 0. It made for a variety of conditions, depending on if the snow was in the sun or the shade, including rather icy for the first couple of runs (as the peak did hit 0 degrees overnight), somewhat soft in some places/at different times, and downright sticky in yet other places.

We spent the morning on Blackcomb and the afternoon on Whistler, during which time we made our way over to the Flute Bowl and I went down my first ever black diamond at Whistler! I say “went down” as opposed to “skied” because, while I skied most of it, there were parts that I fell down and after my second fall, where I was having trouble even getting back up on the steep part of the slope that I was on, I sort of slid down sideways. I’d fallen twice because my legs were pretty fatigued by this point in the day, what with me being a super sloth these past several months1, and the snow was rather heavy, making it difficult for me to get my back leg to follow my front leg when I was turning, which I needed to do a lot to slow myself down because it was really steep! I could manage it on my strong side, but my weak leg just couldn’t do it, and it tripped me up. After the second fall, once I had retrieved my one ski and two poles that I’d lost in the fall (though thankfully all within reaching distance), I was having difficulty even standing up on the steep slope and as I tried, I started sliding down. After a couple of attempts, I thought “Fuck it” and just let myself slide down until I wasn’t on such a steep slope anymore and could then get up and ski the rest of the way. Not the most graceful move and somewhat embarrassing, but it worked.

Also, during the whole time we were in that bowl2, there was not a single other skier or snowboarder there. I mean, the mountains weren’t super busy because it’s spring and the weather in Vancouver was fabulous, so most people have moved on to spring activities rather than hitting the slopes3, but there were lots of other people on all the other slopes we went on, so it was a bit surprising that no one else was there – anyone who is a halfway decent skier/boarder and who is in better shape than me would have had an awesome time there. But it was actually pretty cool to feel like we had an entire mountain to ourselves!

After that, I was pretty much too tired to handle anymore particularly strenuous runs, so we made our way back to the Peak-to-Peak gondola via a relatively easy route and then down Blackcomb, which took us to the end of the day.

On the way home I realized I forgot to take any pictures other than this one, of our après-ski beers4. I had an Uncommon Lager from Whistler Brewing – it seemed appropriate.

Apres ski

Goals for next year:

  • ski more than once – maybe even like 3 or 5 times
  • take more photos
  1. And not having skied in over a year. But mostly due to the slothiness. []
  2. Which was a long time, given my falling and attempting to get back up was not a quick thing. []
  3. In fact, when we got back to Vancouver there were still tonnes of people on the beaches! []
  4. And which I only thought to take because I was checking in on my beer app. []

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Long weekend report

The long weekend festivities started on Thursday with the world’s easiest Easter egg hunt at my office:

World's Easiest Easter Egg Hunt At My Office

World's easiest Easter egg hunt

The office Easter bunnies left lots of treats for everyone and they certainly didn’t make them hard to find!

Then on Friday I headed over to Salt Spring Island. It was my first time going to any of the Gulf Islands and it did not disappoint. Here are just a few of the lovely views I saw:

Salt Spring Island

Salt Spring Island

Salt Spring Island

Salt Spring Island

There was also time for a tasting at the Salt Spring Island Brewery:

Salt Spring Island Brewery

And then on the ferry ride home there was a double rainbow!

Double rainbow as seen from the Victoria to Vancouver ferry

I wasn’t the only one taking photos of it:
People taking photos of the double rainbox

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Easter Treats – My First New Food Item for 2016

Due to my immune system having gone MIA for the first 3 months of this year, I’m rather behind on many of my goals. Including the goal of “Make 16 new food or drink items that I’ve never made before” for which, up until Thursday, I have made a grand total of 0. But now that I’m mostly healthy (just waiting out the remainder of my 100 day cough – which isn’t infectious, it’s just irritated lungs), I have made my first new food item of the year, just in time for Easter!

Easter treats

Easter treats

One of these eggs is hatching!

This treat was super easy to make and combines three awesome things – Rice Krispie squares (or nests, in this case), Mini-Eggs1, and Peeps.

  1. I’m generally a chocolate snob, preferring to eat high quality dark chocolate, but for some reason the combo of milk chocolate and whatever heaven they make that candy shell from makes Mini-Eggs one of my exceptions. See also: Reese peanut butter cups. []

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Blazing Blades – 2016 Champions!

Sunday marked the triumphant return of my Coquitlam hockey team, the Blazing Blades, to the status of Div 1 champions! You may recall that it 2014 we won the coveted trophy. Last year we did not, but this year we had our strongest season ever, going 21-3-1 in the regular season. We went 2-1 in the first round of the playoffs, which was a round robin, which was good enough to get us to the finals to face the Ringers, the only team who had beat us in round 1.

Lining up for a face off during the championship game

A photo from the game of us lining up for a face off in our end. I’m the one on the right of the photo – you can tell it’s me because (a) I’m shorter than everyone else and (b) my signature braids.

When all was said and done, the final score was 3-0 for us, and so the trophy is back in our hands!

Blazing Blades 2016 Div 1 Champs

The Blazing Blades – the Women’s League Div 1 Champions for 2015-16!

Isn’t the trophy pretty? And just like the Stanley Cup, players get to take the cup home for a week. I can’t wait to get my week – I’m going to take it in to work to show it off!

Blazing Blades championship celebration 2016

The cup

Of course, no victory celebrate would be complete without a drink from the trophy!

Blazing Blades championship celebration 2016

All in all, it was a great season – I’m really lucky to get to play with such a fun and talented group of women!

Tig Beth Ellen

On the left is game MVP, Tig (she scored 2 of our 3 goals, including the game winner) and on the right is team captain & coach, Ellen.

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Happy 93rd Birthday to My Grandpa!

93My Grandpa Snow was born on March 16, 1923, which means he turns 93 years old today. Out of curiosity, I checked out the year 1923 on Wikipedia to see what other things happened that year. Some of the highlights include:

  • the first live broadcast of an ice hockey game was called on Feb 16, 1923 by the legendary Foster Hewitt – it was the third period of an Ontario Hockey League game and it was broadcast on the Toronto radio station CFCA (my grandpa is a big hockey fan, so that is kind of cool)
  • the first hockey game to be broadcast on the radio in its entirety – a Western Canada Hockey League matchup between the Regina Capitals and the Edmonton Eskimos – was called on March 14 (2 days before my grandpa was born) on CKCK Radio in Regina, with play-by-play by Pete Parker (who I believe is also Spiderman, if I’m not mistaken)
  • the first issue of Time magazine was issued on March, Warner Brothers was founded on April, Yankee Stadium opened on April 18, and the Walt Disney Company was founded on Oct 16
  • the Hollywood sign (which originally read Hollywoodland) was inaugurated on July 13
  • the Ottoman Empire ended after 624 years on July 24
  • Canadian Sir Frederick Banting received the Nobel prize of Physiology/Medicine for discovering insulin
  • Hitler was arrested on Nov 11 for leading an unsuccessful attend to overthrow the Bavarian government a few days earlier.1

Happy 93rd birthday, Grandpa!

Image Credit: Posted by Boris Mann on Flickr with a Creative Commons license.

  1. I always think of things like Frederick Banting winning a Nobel prize or Hitler even existing as being so long ago in history but both of those things happened in my grandpa’s lifetime! []

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Cleaning Is Hazardous To Your Health

And this, my friends, is why I don’t believe in cleaning.

Not one but TWO broken nails from cleaning

I suffered not one, but TWO broken nails1 from cleaning this evening! TWO! Clearly the lesson is: I should never clean stuff. And I should probably go and get a new set of nails done. But not ’til after the playoffs.

  1. For the record, there’s no damage to my actual nail. Just the gel stuff they build the fake nails out of got broken, which is what looks all jagged and yucky. []

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My Final Day in Quarantine

So I genuinely thought I’d blog on all my days in quarantine since, you know, I’m stuck in quarantine and have nothing better to do than blog. But, as it turns out, when you are stuck in quarantine you end up with nothing to write about because ohmygodsoboring! Today, thankfully, is my last day in quarantine as my doctor said I would no longer be infectious by the weekend, which is good because it’s playoffs in one of my hockey leagues starting tomorrow (and I specifically asked about it and she said I’d be fine to play on Saturday).

My throat is still sore – yesterday was the worst it has been but today seems a bit better. I guess it just takes some time for the ulcers in one’s throat to heal even after the virus has burnt itself out. My eyes look a lot better though – here are some photos I took of the progression of my zombie eyeballs over the week (not for the squeamish!)

Monday:

Untitled

Tuesday:

Eyeballs are still zombified

Wednesday:

IMG_2146

Thursday 10 am:

IMG_2152

Thursday 1:30 pm:

IMG_2166

Friday:

IMG_2193

It’s weird that my eyes actually looked better on Wednesday than Thursday, but I’m not zombie eyeball-oologist, so maybe that’s just how zombie eyeball disease works.

I’m going to spend my last evening in captivity bleaching every surface I’ve touched this week as well as laundering all my sheets, towels, and everything I’ve worn. Because being sick wasn’t bad enough – apparently I now have to clean too! Ugh. Worst. Disease. Ever.

Thankfully I’ve had a few friends who I’ve been able to chat with on the phone or by FaceTime over the week and I’ve had my wee kitties to keep me company too:

Untitled

Only one more sleep ’til freedom!

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Quarantine: Day 1

So I’ve been in quarantine for more than a full day now and I have to say: quarantine is not for extroverts. I’m pretty sure I’ve got cabin fever, which, happily does not involve an actual fever but, sadly, does not involve a cabin. I kind of wish I was at a cabin. Anyhoo, here’s some random thoughts I had today, in handy bullet list format.

  • Last night I decided to make pasta for dinner, with homemade pasta sauce. Figured it would be soft on my sore throat and full of healthy veggies. Didn’t think through the part about how the first thing I do when I make homemade pasta sauce is chop onions. Did not feel good on my zombie eyeballs.
  • Being home alone is very boring when it is forced upon you.
  • I can’t believe I am bored when I own several devices that are capable of accessing all of human knowledge and entertainment. Yet here I am.
  • Some have suggested that I’m having all the illnesses right now because for the first time in a long time, my stress level is low, so my adrenaline & cortisol levels have come down, allowing infectious agents to take over. Last semester was super busy and stressful because I was teaching a new course that I’d never taught before and then right at the end of the semester I went through an unexpected relationship break up that was really hard on me. I’d just sort of recovered from all that stress when my immune system decided to go on vacation, leaving me undefended. The lesson here is: never be not stressed.
  • I do not like the sensation of squirting saline up my nostrils, but I’m doing it in the hopes that it really will help make my sore throat and cough go away.
  • Things I have missed out on – or will be missing out on – due to my illnesses:
    • two hockey games
    • Arts Council fundraiser
    • movie with Kalev
    • book club
    • strata AGM
    • my boss’s birthday tea (for which I bake cupcakes that have now gone to waste)
    • massage appointment
    • cleaning person coming over to clean my place (I had to tell her she can’t come on her usual day because I’ll be here, being all highly infectious)
  • I also had to reschedule two important work meetings that could not be conducted without me there in person (Not going to lie – that does make me feel a wee bit special!)
  • I’m choked that I bought a monthly transit pass for March. You need to take transit most weekdays out of a month to make it a good deal and since I’m being forced to stay home four days this week, plus I stayed home sick two days last week, I would have been better just paying per trip.