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Why I Will Never Be Able To Own Property
Because I am a glutton for punishment, I filled out the “how much of a mortgage can you afford?” calculator on the Royal Bank’s website. This is what I got:
So, the bank is willing to lend me somewhere between $68 and $71 to buy a home. I feel so honoured that they feel I could pay this vast sum back within the 35 YEAR amortization that I had to choose in the calculator in order not to receive a “we cannot calculate anything at all for you, you poverty-stricken loser” error message. I especially love that they figure I can afford $71 paid back over 35 years if I have a downpayment of $30,000. I mean, if I’m so poor that I can only afford about a one cent per month mortgage payment1, where do they think I’m getting a $30,000 down payment from?
And huzzah!:
I could save 12 whole dollars if I make accelerated bi-monthly payments. I mean, I can’t afford not to!
I guess I’ll check again in about 5 years when my student loans are paid off. Maybe then they’ll let me get a mortgage and I’ll only be slightly into my retirement by the time my mortgage is paid off. Sigh.
I guess I should have taken them seriously when I saw this message before I started the calculator:
Surprised indeed. Or, you know, depressed. Whatevs.
- I don’t know what they actually think the monthly payment would be, because it’s been rounded off to $0 [↩]
