Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


One Missed Movie

This Margaret Cho vehicle had such promise – remakes of J-horrors usually scare the bejesus out of me. The Ring gave me nightmares1. The Grudge freaked me the fuck out as well. One Missed Call – oh how I wish it had been One Missed Movie.

There were definitely a few points where this movie made me jump2. But overall it was just cheesy. Cheesy cheesy cheesy. And plot holes. And did I mention the cheesiness? I’m sooo glad this was a free sneak preview and that I didn’t actually have to pay for this. I cannot stress this enough – even for a free movie, it was not worth the price of admission.

What the hell was Margaret Cho thinking when she agreed to be in this movie? Did she lose a bet? I bet she lost a bet.

1Yes, that’s nightmares, plural.
2And, at one point, scream. But that was totally because Kalev screamed and scared me. Which he will now add a comment to deny and say that I screamed first, but it’s totally not true.


My Apologies to Catrina

Last night, I got a phone message for someone named Catrina. As we know, my name is not, nor ever has been, Catrina. Clearly, this was from someone dialing a wrong number. Unfortunately for Catrina, I have a slightly odd message on my voicemail. My message goes something like this:

“Hi. You’ve reached the voicemail of Dr. Beth. The doctor can’t come to the phone right now as she’s doing something very, very important. Please leave a message and she’ll get back to you.”

The message I received last night went something like this:

“Um, hi Catrina. Uh, interesting message. This is Tom from [unintelligible mumble]. Call me right away. I hope I didn’t interrupt surgery.”

I’m guessing, based on Tom’s tone of voice, that Catrina is not a doctor. But didn’t it strike him as extra odd that she referred to herself as “Dr. Beth“?

And speaking of messages I didn’t want to get, I recently was able to get my old UBC email address back, what with the teaching there and all. And I discovered that, in my absence, crap that I’d subscribed to at that email address was still being sent there (despite the account being non-functioning for a year). And today I got a reminder from, a website that reminds you of people’s birthdays and suchlike that I signed up for ages ago:

“Reminder: It is [my ex-husband’s name]’s anniversary on Saturday, January 12th.”

As in, what used to be our anniversary. Like when we are married. Which we are not. The extra annoying thing is, I hadn’t even remembered it until I got that reminder. Which is an accomplishment, as Jan 12 happens to be the day after my very own birthday, so I thought it might be difficult to forget it. Which it wasn’t. Until I got that email. Meh. Anyhoo, I went to and deleted that – we have Facebook to do all our reminding for us now, right?