EYE SURGERY LIVE BLOG
8:45 Getting off bus in two stops. Can’t wait for eye surgery.
8:53 Damnit damnit tripped on NOTHING outside of Cafe Artiango. Only person who asked how I was doing was homeless man. I’m bleeding bad.
8:59 In lobby. They gave me a bandaid. Since these bastards don’t take Amex, I wont get any AirKiles out of this. Instead i dropped $3900 onto my visa.
9:10 Booooooooooring Sitting in lobby, strategically hiding my book ‘The God Delusion’ in case surgeon is a Christian fundamentalist.
9:12 Okay they’re coming to get me.
9:26 have to keep blackberry hidden. i”m in a room with many time machines. driving technicians crazy by asking what they all do. should have remembered to go pee before this.
9:35 Back in waiting room again. Lots of people in here with big dark glasses on. Hahaha.
9:45 Reading more from my Book of Heresy. Nice lady says the next exam is soon. I don’t believe her.
9:51 I AM TRYINH TO TYPW WHILE THEY
9:54 Back in lobby. So that didn’t work out, but I think I know how to type AND be operated on at the time time now though. We’ll see. Just got three pills. These anti-anxiety drugs are making me very nervous.
10:08 Okay, that was pointless. Just spent ten minutes listening to a boring CD (but with nice music) that told me they would be lasering the thetans from my eyes. It ends with the words “We will be coming for you soon.” I didn’t know this was the Scientology laser eye centre. Uh oh. I think one of my drugs just kicked in. Wheeeee!!
10:12 that was fast. in chair now. room looks like they conduct alien autopsies in here… and they don’t go well. i snuck a photo of the surgeon with my cameraphone. don’t know if i can post it here:
10:13 was that a sparrow?!?!! no. never mind. stupid robins.
10:15 they just gave me a stress ball to squeeze. a fucking stress ball? bad sign?
10:27 ******hard tp type with eye patch on and lasr bea in other!
10:28 OW OW OW OW OW!!! surgeon just pulled my hair.
10:34 im done. faster than i thought.
10:38 bacl in room with comfu chair. eyes are closed. i have to sit here for half hour. roking in my little chair
10:54 whoooooooooa. imagining loooooooong hallway that i’m the the end of and it’s moving away from me. trippy. i thin kthe othr drugs have kicked in now. my vision is clear in my imagination now. they surgery must have worked!!
11:12 back into first exam room i think. they caught me liveblogging but i told them i was texting my aunt. some chick looking at my eyes.
11:41 visa declined card. eyes being stapled back together.
11:42 just kidding. ok i think i’m done here. now adding live-blogger to my cv. i’ll sit down and post this right now.
Comments |6|
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Live-blogging one’s own surgery. I hope this is a first.
Most awesome, hilarious and insane post ever. I love LOVE the
typos as they add to the sense of urgency AND the mischief of blogging whilst having eyes laser beamed.
PS…I hope the lasering went well and that you are now enjoying life with perfect vision.
I love your surgeon! And his surgical implement. That’s hilarious.
I AM TRYINH TO TYPW WHILE THEY made me laugh and laugh and laugh. You should have just ended the post there and made us all freak the fuck out.
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