Movie Review: Crank High Voltage

crank 2 by you.On Thursday night, Kalev and I went to a sneak preview of the new documentary about heart transplantation: Crank High Voltage.  Note that this posting will contain spoilers, which I feel morally obliged to tell you because I know that you are all dying to see Crank for its intricate plot.

The premise of this movie is completely and totally reasonable – a man (Chev Chelios1)  who survives being thrown out of a helicopter has his heart removed by an evil Chinese gang and, after having a battery-powered artificial heart put into his chest to keep him alive long enough to harvest his other organs (because clearly you wouldn’t want to just take out all his organs at one time), escapes and, while trying to find the man who has his heart so that his friend, who just happens to be a former heart transplant surgeon, can put it back into him (Chelios), at the same time as trying to avoid an evil Hispanic gang that is trying to capture him in order to kill him in front of the disembodied head of a man he had all but killed (if his brother (the head’s brother, not Chelios’ brother) hadn’t had so much money that he (the brother) could afford the technology required to keep said disembodied head alive in a tank of water, damages the external battery pack that powers said artificial heart and so must continually electrify himself (Chelios, not the head or the brother) through mechanisms that range from friction to tasers to touching extreme high voltage cables in order to keep the internal battery of the artificial heart charged.

This movie takes on such hard hitting issues as porn star labour disputes, the debilitating nature of “full body Tourettes” and the many ways that one person can injury another person’s genitalia.  Kalev was particularly impressed by the sensitive and accurate portray of homosexuals, not to mention women and minority groups.

All in all, this movie is exactly what you should expect if you choose to go to a movie about a man who has to continually find ways to electrocute himself.

1Who I’m pretty sure is the brother of Chris Chelios.

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