Not To Be Trusted With Knives

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Hockey Hotties – Playoff Check-In

While I’m still not over my beloved Canucks being knocked out of the playoffs by the evil that is the Chicago Blackhawks, I figured the end of round 2  would be a good place to check in on how the hotties are doing.

Name Team Goals Assists Notes
Mattias Ohlund Vancouver 1 2 top scorers on Vancouver were the Sedin twins. Who happen to be very, very fugly.
Zach Parise New Jersey 3 3 top scorer on his team
Sidney Crosby Pittsburgh 12 9 top scorer in the playoffs so far! Hot on and off the ice!
Kris Letang Pittsburgh 3 6 tied for fourth in points on his team
Jarome Iginla Calgary 3 1 tied for second in points on his team.  Getting knocked out in the first round, though, really hampers one’s ability to score points.
Joffrey Lupul Philly 1 1 Hmm. Not so impressive. He’s lucky he’s cute.
Marcus Naslund NY Rangers 1 2 tied for third on his team in points. His team didn’t score many points.
Mike Komisarek Montreal 0 0 Ouch.
Georges Laraque Montreal 0 0 Double ouch.  Montreal hotties – you let me down!!
Jonathan Toews Chicago 4 6 third on his team in points.
Patrick Kane Chicago 8 4 second on his team in points

So my team collectively has 36 goals and 34 assists for a total of 70 points. And my goalie, Martin Biron of Philly, made 198 saves with 16 goals against, had a .919 save percentage with 2 wins and 4 losses.  How does this compare to other fantasy hockey teams.  I have no idea.  Anyone out there in a hockey pool where you had to pick 11 players and a goalie?  If so, let us know whether 70 is a goodly number of points or if it sucks.

Now, for the next round of the playoffs, I only have four players left!

  • Sidney Crosby – Centre  – Pittsburgh
  • Kris Letang – Defense – Pittsburgh
  • Jonathan Toews  – Centre – Chicago
  • Patrick Kane – RW – Chicago

Two on Pittsburgh, two on Chicago.  Which is, conveniently, one team from the East and one team from the West.  And I have no hotties from the other remaining teams (Detroit and Carolina).  So that makes my prediction for the Stanley Cup Finals easy – Penguins v. Blackhawks. You heard it here first.

Of course, I have mixed emotions about all this.  I mean, Kane and Toews1 are pretty damn hot. But since they beat my beloved Canucks, they clearly are evil incarnate.  I think I will ease my discomfort around these issues by looking at these pretty pictures of my hotties:

Sidney Crosby by jmd41280.

Sidney.

080228 Kris Letang by Dan4th.

Kris.

Jonathan Toews by dtkindler.

Jonathan.

toews by neekinator.

And more Jonathan.

The Kids - Toews and Kane by dtkindler.

Jon and Pat.

Ah, pictures of hotties. It doesn’t bring my Canucks back to life this post-season, but it’s a nice distraction all the same.

1Pronounced “Taves,” for some reason. That’s something I noticed in the Canucks-Blackhawks series – everyone on Chicago has either a name that is spelled some really fucking weird way, like “Toews” pronounced as “Taves” or “Byfuglien” pronounced as “Buff-a-lin”2 or freaking “Hjalmarsson”… or there name is a very simple, common word: Sharp, Kane, Ladd, Eager!
2Seriously, man, how the hell do you get “Buff-a-lin” out of Byfuglien??

Image credit: Pic of Sid the Kid, posted by jmd41280 on Flickr
Image credit: Pic of Kris Letang, posted by Dan4th on Flickr
Image credit: First pic of Toews dtkindler on Flickr
Image credit: Second pic of Toews neekinator on Flickr
Image credit: Pic of Toews and Kane dtkindler on Flickr

One Response to Hockey Hotties – Playoff Check-In

  1. Darren says:

    Incidentally, your hotties would have paced you about mid-table in my hockey pool–strong work!

    Darren’s last blog post..Boffin’s Needless Visualization

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