An Analysis of the Canadian Men’s Olympic Hockey Roster
The roster for the Canadian Men’s Olympic Hockey team was announced on Wednesday. Since that time, the analysts here at NTBTWK have been conducting a thorough analysis of the roster. The results of this research are as follows:
| Forwards | ||
| Patrice Bergeron, Boston Bruins |  |
Not hot |
| Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins |  |
Hottie! (Though not the best pic of him) |
| Ryan Getzlaf, Anaheim Ducks |  |
Hottie. See a better picture of him here. |
| Dany Heatley, San Jose Sharks |  |
Alas, not hot. |
| Jarome Iginla, Calgary Flames |  |
Hottie. |
| Patrick Marleau, San Jose Sharks |  |
Decidedly not hot. |
| Brenden Morrow, Dallas Stars |  |
Hot. |
| Rick Nash, Columbus Blue Jackets |  |
Not. |
| Corey Perry, Anaheim Ducks |  |
Not! |
|
Michael Richards 1, Philadelphia Flyers |
 |
Hot when he doesn’t have this goofy look on his face. |
| Eric Staal, Carolina Hurricanes |  |
Not. Thought I can see how some might find him attractive, but he just doesn’t do it for me. |
| Joe Thornton, San Jose Sharks |  |
Not. |
| Jonathan Toews, Chicago Blackhawks |  |
Rawr! Hott-ee!! |
| Defence | ||
| Dan Boyle, San Jose Sharks |  |
Not. |
| Drew Doughty, LA Kings |  |
Not. |
| Duncan Keith, Chicago Blackhawks |  |
Ewww, not. Get a haircut. |
| Scott Niedermayer, Anaheim Ducks |  |
Ack! No! |
| Chris Pronger, Philadelphia Flyers |  |
Nu uh! |
| Brent Seabrook, Chicago Blackhawks |  |
Mmmm. Hottie. Also see here. |
| Shea Weber, Nashville Predators |  |
Like Michael Richards, this is a hottie who happens to have a stupid look on his face in his Team Canada photo. Better photo And here. |
| Goalies | ||
| Martin Brodeur, NJ Devils |  |
No. |
| Marc-André Fleury, Pittsburgh Penguins |  |
Eww. |
| Roberto Luongo, Vancouver Canucks |  |
Luo, I love you as a goalie, but you are just not hot. |
- no relation [↩]
Comments |14|
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Category: sports
Tags: Canada, hockey, hockey hotties, Olympics, sports, Team Canada, Vancouver 2010
Tags: Canada, hockey, hockey hotties, Olympics, sports, Team Canada, Vancouver 2010
Your analysts have worked hard. I would be interested in knowing the mathematical equation used to determine the difference between hot and not hot and hot and hawt.
I'd love to tell you, but those equations are proprietary. =)
Dan Boyle looks like an evil henchman. Maybe he should have shaved first.
Heh heh heh! Totally!
I think you should reject Shea Weber on the basis of that soul patch alone.
I haven't done this with our women's national team, but I did note that Gillian Apps (granddaughter of the great Syl Apps) looked quite hot (which also features the hot Iginla and the not-hot Phaneuf) in this Nike ad: http://bit.ly/8BJlyD
The soul patch can be removed easily enough. Or are you figuring that choosing to have a soul patch is an indication of a douchebag personality?
I didn't know that Syl Apps' granddaughter was on the women's national team. That's very cool. A bit of a tangent: there was a juvenile detention centre named after Syl Apps in the town I grew up in (after his hockey career, he went into politics and became Minister of Correctional Services). The first time I heard of it, I thought it was called the "Slaps Centre" – which seemed a bit inappropriate.
Yes, I would say that the soul patch speaks to his character. Though, you know, we all made bad hair mistakes in our youth.
I don't know, I think 'Slaps Centre' is a pretty good name for a juvenile detention centre.
For sure – growing up in the 80s means that bad hair mistakes defined our generation.
Brodeur, way hotter than Greasy Luongo. Rick Nash = hottie.
Otherwise an excellent analysis.
I can see why you like Rick Nash – he kinda looks a bit like your husband! Not my type though.
And I agree that Brodeur is way hotter than Greasy Luongo. Just not hot enough to rank hottie in my books.
Morrow? Really? I have to say I don't see it…
For me, Crosby is your archetypal "near miss". All the right components are there, but they just don't fall together quite right. See also: Bieksa.
Iginla has a lovely smile, which goes a long way in my book. Lu looked waaaaaaaay better with short hair.
Thanks a lot and I’ll subscribe to the blog so I can keep reading.
Alot of the time i see pages with silly comments and thought wouldn’t it be nice to be one.. Nice blog found you via google. Will check back. See what other jems you post.
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