Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


NaBloPoMo Success!

I can’t believe it’s already the end of November!

  • Only 24 shopping days left until Christmas!
  • Only 12 days until I leave for Ontario!
  • Only 8 working days left in 2010 for me1!
  • Mercifully, only one day left before everyone shaves off their horrid Movember mustaches2.

And this is my final blog posting for National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) 2010, making a complete collection of 30 posts of bloggy goodness. At the start of the month, I was worried I’d get writer’s block, so I made a list of potential topics to blog about, but then I kept getting inspired by the day-to-day minutiae of my life, so I didn’t blog about most of the things on my list. Oh well, it gives me a list to go on if I run out of ideas in December!

  1. for my day job – I also have teaching (including marking) left to do). Though I feel like I have about two months of work I need to accomplish in those 8 days. Eep! []
  2. except for Paul, who is keeping his until 12 Bars []


Secret Santa Is On

Remember last year when I complained about how difficult it was to sneak my Secret Santa presents into my Secret Santa recipient’s office at work?  It must have taken me a dozen tries to get to her office undetected, get in, drop off her present and get out without being spotted. And since my office’s Secret Santa protocol requires THREE mini-presents, you have to do this THREE times. So fucking stressful! I needed a holiday just to recover from the stress! So can you guess what I’ve gone and done this year?  Yup, I signed up for Secret Santa AGAIN!

In addition to the difficulty of sneaking into my coworkers office, I’m having a hellava time figuring out what to buy. And then think is, when I drew this person’s name I thought “oh good. I talk to her all the time. It’ll be easy to buy her presents.”  But I’ve come to realize that all the things I know about her are useless with respect to present buying.  The Research Assistant in my office drew the name of another coworker who would be super easy to buy for – I know her preferences for type of chocolate, coffee beverages, and a whole bunch of other things that would make for nice little presents. But *my* Secret Santa recipient? Everything I know about her is no help!  I know where her husband works, I know the sport she plays1, I know what her kids do for leisure activities, I even know the name of her pet – and none of these things lead in any way to possible presents. Does she like coffee? I don’t know. Does she like chocolate or candy? No idea. Does she knit or read or bake? No clue. Gah!  Can someone remind me *not* to sign up for Secret Santa next year?  It’s the most difficult part of  my job!

On a positive note, however, I received my first Secret Santa present this morning!  It was this funky bookmark:


And it came with a note that said I can use it to hold my place in my book on the plane when I go to visit my family.  Clearly, someone was paying attention to me yammering in the lunchroom.  I need to get better at Secret Santa-ing.

  1. not something that lends itself to present buying []


FSM on the Xmas Tree

In addition to the chili peppers, I decided that my Christmas tree needed one more thing, which I made this weekend:

FSM Christmas Tree Ornament

The Flying Spaghetti Monster now graces my tree. May he touch you with his noodly appendage this Holiday season.


Chili Pepper Christmas Tree!

I came up with a solution to my insufficient-supply-of-Christmas-tree-ornaments problem. And it allows me to cross something off my 101 in 1001 list to boot!

That solution: chili peppers. When I was in Mexico for Christmas 2008, there was a Christmas tree that was decorated entirely with chili peppers. I love love loved that tree! So much so that I added “put up a Christmas tree and decorate it with chili peppers” on to my 101 in 1001 list. Which I then totally forgot about during Christmas 2009. But when I was shopping in the produce store today, I remembered!  And so I bought a pack of chili peppers for $1.49 and put them all onto Christmas ornament hooks, like this:

Chili Pepper Christmas Tree Ornaments

And then hung them on my tree, like this:

Chili Pepper Christmas Tree Ornaments

I think they look pretty cute!


Too Many Stockings, Not Enough Ornaments

So I *finally* got my marking done, which meant I was allowed1 to put up my Christmas tree! I actually finished my marking earlier this week, but I was in Vancouver for two days of meetings yesterday and today, so I had sleepovers at friends’ places in Vancouver on Wednesday & Thursday nights so I wouldn’t have to drive in from the ‘burbs in rush hour (and in a blizzard!)2 and thus was not home to put up my tree.

When I bought my Christmas tree last year, I was living in a teeny tiny Vancouver apartment, so having a skinny tree was perfect as I didn’t have room for anything bigger. But now that I have a living room the size of a European nation, it looks kinda small:

My Christmas tree is too small. Or my living room is too big.

So I took this other photo and cropped it, so it doesn’t look quite so tiny:

My Christmas Tree

But in real life – yeah, it’s way small. Also, I don’t have nearly enough ornaments. I have an idea of one that I’m going to make, but I’ll have to check out some stores to see if there are other ones that I like that I can add to my collection.

Unlike Christmas tree ornaments, however, I seem to have too many stockings. I am just one woman, yet I seem to have three Christmas stockings:

The stockings were hung on the bookshelf with care

The stockings were hung on the book case with care.

Now I just need Santa to leave some hotties under my Christmas tree, and I’ll be set!

  1. where by “allowed” I mean, I allowed myself to put it up. It was my reward to motivate me to finish my marking. []
  2. thanks Lianna & Alicia!! []


Your Mom Is Wireless

No time to actually write anything of substance today ((I was in a day-long meeting and now I’m scarfing down a coffee and a bagel for dinner before class starts), so I thought I’d share this awesomeness, a screenshot of which I took yesterday:



Happy 6th Birthday Madeline!


I can’t believe my niece turns six today!!  Such a big girl!  I haven’t seen her since our trip to the Dominican in January, which seems like *ages* ago. Happily, I’ll be spending my Christmas holidays with my family in Ontario this year, so I’ll get to see her really soon! I can’t wait! In the meantime, I hope she has an awesome day today and an amazing party on the weekend!


Question: Guy, Pie, Bride or Ride?

I’m trying to get my marking completed tonight, so this will be brief. Does anyone know what the hell Rihanna is saying in the first line of “Only Girl”? When I first heard it, I thought she was saying:

“I want you to love me, like I’m a hot guy

But I’m reasonably sure that’s not what she’s saying.

It also sort of sounds like she’s saying:

“I want you to love me, like I’m a hot pie

and that’s what most lyrics websites1 have, but, seriously, that makes it sound like she singing to Homer Simpson.

This was being discussed on the radio this afternoon and one DJ suggested she’s actually saying:

“I want you to love me, like I’m a hot bride


“I want you to love me, like I’m a hot ride

Does anyone know, definitively, what the actual line is?

  1. of the brief and non-representative sample that I looked at []



I haven’t gone on a rant in a while, so here goes. On the online dating site “Plenty of Fish,” there is an option called “My Matches” where you click on it and it’s supposed to give you people that are good matches for you, presumably based on your profile information and their profile information. There isn’t much info on how exactly they decide on your matches beyond this:


They only match women with men who make more money than them. WTF POF? Is it not 2010? And a part of your standard matching is that the guy has to make more money? You’ve got to be freaking kidding.


My Red Hooded Sweatshirt

Day 146Now that winter has hit, my apartment has gone back to freezing. Not so bad as it was when I moved in in February and there was *no* heat, but still pretty chilly. The thermostat in my living room is mostly for show – I say “mostly” because it does have one function – if you put the switch anywhere other than “maximum, then the temperature will drop even more. This all means that (a) I’ve got the space heater on, (b) I’m drinking even more tea than usual, and (c) I’ve been rocking big comfy sweatshirts while I’m at home. One such sweatshirt is my beloved red hoodie.

I’ve had this hoodie for, well, I don’t know how long, but I’m 99% sure I’ve had it since I lived in Ontario and that was a decade ago. The cuffs are completely frayed and last week the zipper pull fell off in the laundry, so now I can’t even zip it up. Which I think means I have to maybe, just maybe, consider that my beloved red hoodie may have come to the end of its lifespan.

Perhaps Santa will bring me a new red hoodie for Christmas?

Also, I can’t write about my red hooded sweatshirt without including this: