Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


Dear Bluetooth Headset Charging Cord

Please come home. I don’t know where you went, but I miss you. My bluetooth headset is most useless without you.




Happy Birthday Lianna!

Today my friend Lianna turns the big 3-2! So last night a bunch of  us went out to celebrate!  We started – and ended, as it turned out – at The Charles Bar in the Woodwards Building. I’d never been there before and, in fact, the first time I’d heard of it was a few weeks ago when Miss604 went there for her birthday – my phone kept beeping as a bunch of people all checked-in on FourSquare there1. Now I have to say that the crowd there wasn’t the best I’ve ever seen – I mean, as much as I like getting hit on by a 19-year-old who was later kicked out for doing coke in the bathroom and all – but since we were there in a group of good peeps, we had a good time. What was amazing, however, was my dinner. I have just two words for you. Truffle fries. Holy, holy, holy, motherfucking holy shit those were good.  Truffle fries.

After we’d been there a while, we thought we’d head over to Canvas, the club I’d gone to on my birthday, but when we got there Lianna decided that the lineup was too long, so we just went back to the Charles. By that time the music was going and there was a little dance floor and that’s all we really needed. Well that and the pizza from Romano’s that we got before we headed back to Lianna’s place. Lianna had invited me to stay over so that I didn’t need to remain sober and drive back to my place2. This morning we went to IHOP for breakfast3 and then I headed home, where I am trying to rehydrate since I have TWO hockey games today. Lianna is off having birthday Pho! Also, Lianna took about a gazillion photos last night so once she posts them up on Facebook, I’ll steal some and post them here.

Happy birthday, L!

Also, Lianna is a kitchen and bathroom designer, so if you are ever looking for a designer, be sure to check out her website:

  1. speaking of which, the first time you check-in there, you get 20% off your entree. Go FourSquare! []
  2. a cab ride to her place in South Vancouver is much more reasonable than a cab ride to my place a million miles away in Surrey! []
  3. only the second time I’ve *ever* been to an IHOP – the first being an IHOP in Kelowna that I went to as part of a band of traveling scientists back in ’06. I am happy to report that the coffee at this IHOP, while not the best coffee I’ve ever had, was much better than the swill they served in Kelowna []


I’m on to you, time thieves!


Clearly, someone is stealing time. A few days ago (or so it feels), I was jumping into the ocean for the New Year’s Day Polar Bear Swim and now it is somehow 28 days later. Since two weekends ago was my big birthdaystravaganza, I blocked last weekend off to stay at home1 for a combination of some relaxation and some getting a bunch of work done. Then somehow it was Sunday and I wasn’t relaxed and  I didn’t get nearly as much done as I’d planned. I did get the 7 reference letters I needed written mostly done, as well as doing some work on the course I’m teaching, but I didn’t read any of the bioethics papers I needed to read, nor watch the bioethics DVD, nor even start on the funding application I meant to have a solid draft of by the end of the weekend!  And now it’s somehow the next weekend and other than a few hours this morning during which I’m enjoying my coffee, some homemade French toast, not wearing any pants2, and writing this posting, this weekend is pretty jammed. I spent last night working on my course3, but the rest of the weekend is mostly full of awesome – walking the seawall with Jen and Lianna’s bday dinner today, then two hockey games tomorrow. Other than a couple of hours between seawall walking and pre-drinks at Lianna’s during which I can do a tiny bit of work, when the hell am I supposed to get my funding application started? What about getting my funding application drafted? And half marathon training? And cooking some food for the upcoming week? When am I supposed to do all these things?

The obvious conclusion, of course, is that someone out there is stealing time. I’m having vague recollections of a book I read in elementary school about some kid named Momo and some bankers that stole time and something to do with flowers4. Clearly this was actually a non-fiction book and not a novel as I was lead to believe. Alternate conclusions include that someone is speeding up time, so that I can’t get everything done in the amount of time that I think I can get it done or that I have multiple personality disorders and my other personalities are very productive and/or relaxed.  Hard to say, really.

And now it’s freaking noon and I have to get my butt in gear – I only have an hour to shower and pack my bag for today’s events. Where did my morning go?  See what I mean??

Image Credit: Posted by Heiko Klingele on Flickr.

  1. other than my weekly seawall walk with Jen and my hockey game []
  2. down with pants! cc: Dr. Dan, hater of pants []
  3. see here, but then also here []
  4. Ah – Wikipedia tells me I’m right. Except about the flowers things – no idea what that’s about []


The Father of Invention

I was talking to my dad today and he said something that really made me laugh: “It’s like your grandpa always says. Necessity may be the mother of invention, but laziness is its father.” I’ve never heard my grandpa say this before, but I love it! I think I’ll adopt it for whenever my laziness enhances my ingenuity1.

  1. which happens rather often, now that I think of it []


A Great Day

Have you ever had an unexpectedly great day?  Perhaps recent days have been kinda meh or really busy or stressfully overwhelming or lonely or all of the above and then one day, totally out of the blue, you have just a really. great. day? You find that you just so happen to look really fine and work goes well and a cute boy talks to you and then you find yourself at an impromptu dinner with a great friend you haven’t seen in a while, which turns into an impromptu shopping trip, where you get an excellent deal on a fine new piece of clothing and sure you’ve been out of the house since 6 a.m. and don’t get back home until after 10 p.m. and so you are exhausted, but really, really happy?  I just had one of those days. And I so needed that!


Are You Hiding Under Your Desk Yet?


I’m not actually writing this blog posting right now. In fact, as this post, which I’ve written in advance and scheduled to post at exactly 10 a.m., is being published, I’m hiding under my desk and holding on for dear life!  Because it’s time for the The Great British Columbia Shake Out –  the biggest earthquake drill in the history of Canada!

You may recall I blogged about this a few weeks ago. Did I actually finish assembling my earthquake preparedness kit?  Well, no, actually. Because I suck and thus will be forced to ration my limited supply of bottled water and energy bars that I tossed in a box in my storage closest, cursing my unpreparedness, when the Big One hits. But at least I’m hiding under my desk right now and thus will know what to do should a real earthquake happen and thus will survive the quake long enough to curse my unpreparedness.  Plus, I bet my coworkers are asking me what the hell I’m doing right now and that’s always fun.

I’ll take a photo of me hiding under my desk and post it here later. For the greater good. You’re welcome.


Day 219

Me, hiding under my desk.


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I Can Has Directions?


Many moons ago, I saw a new story about a condition, known as developmental topographical disorientation (DTD), in which, essentially, people innately have a terrible sense of direction. In said news story, they informed viewers that you could check out the website of the neuroscientists studying this disorder – the aptly named gettinglost.ca1 and take part in their studies if you thought you might be one of these people who are hopelessly unable to orient themselves in their environment.  I thought, “I have a terrible sense of direction!” and immediately checked out the site. On the site, I was able to take some online tests as part of their research.  If memory serves, at that time they didn’t actually tell me if I had DTD2. However, some time later I received an email from the lead researcher saying that they were applying for funding to bring people affected by DTD to the University of Calgary for further testing in the form of brain scans and were hoping to get advanced consent from people saying that they’d be willing to participate3. Thus, although they didn’t actually tell me that I have DTD, they wouldn’t be asking me to go to Calgary to be in their study if I didn’t4. I think it speaks volumes about my love of research that I agreed, should they get funding, to go to Calgary to participate in their research!

Anyhoo, I’m still waiting to hear whether they’ll get funding (and I’m sure they are waiting with much more trepidation than I am, given that this is their careers whereas all that’s riding on it for me is a free trip to a city that I hate), but I did get an email today saying that they’d been featured on RadioLab, a US National Public Radio show (and podcast). I haven’t listened to the episode yet myself, but getting the email reminded me that I’d been meaning to blog about my DTD since forever, but I keep forgetting.  So, yes, if I ever go for a drive with you, I will likely ask you for the simplest of directions5, but you can’t make fun of me because I HAVE A DISORDER!!

Now if only I could find out what’s up with my terrible memory!

Image Credit: Posted by Ashley R. Good on Flickr.

  1. I *love* that the first line on their website is “thanks for finding us.” []
  2. but my memory, much like my sense of direction, is terrible, so I could be misremembering []
  3. essentially, they needed to demonstrate that they had enough willing participants with this disorder to fill their study []
  4. My ability to find my way may be impaired, but my logic and reasoning skills are clearly intact! []
  5. like how do I get back to the highway when we stopped for gas. Seriously. []


The Christmas of Fitness

Just discovered this mostly written blog posting that I wrote on January 3rd, but appear to never have posted. Because I am awesome like that. Anyway, I don’t care that it’s fully a month after Christmas – I’m posting it anyway!  Plus, I added pictures that I hadn’t even taken back when I original wrote it and then I also tweaked the writing, so that’s something.

So I was totally spoiled, as usual, this Christmas. But many of this year’s presents seemed to have a theme: fitness! It started with my trip to Ottawa, where Sarah & Dave gave me a gift card to the Running Room to put towards a new pair of running shoes. This was well thought out as (a) it circumvents the shoe-buying ban of 2010, should I happen to have found a good Boxing Week sale and want to get a pair before year’s end, (b) I’ll need new running shoes since the ones I have now won’t last me ’til the half marathon I plan to do in May, and (c) it prevented me from having to fit a gift in my luggage.

The trend continued on Christmas Day, when I received:

Day 200

Shameless photo of my heart rate monitor1

This awesome watch/heart rate monitor was from my parents. My chiropractor, who is also a runner himself, said that to get serious about running, I really should be monitoring my heart rate during training2. Combine that with the fact that my watch fell apart3 and a watch + heart rate monitor was a super duper gift.

Also in the above shameless photo is a running top I received from my Uncle Harry & Aunt Arlene. Harry & Arlene are big into biking, so they got me that top and a matching yellow triathelon jacket – great for layering when I’m training in the cold rainy weather, or wearing separately when it’s a bit warmer. Also, the bright yellow colour and reflective stripes on the jacket are perfect for running in the dark , since I generally do my runs after work and the sun sets awfully early in January.

Then, to round out my Christmas of Fitness, my sister and her bf gave me money to pay for hot yoga! They know that I really, really love my hot yoga, but also that I was having a hard time justifying spending money on it when I already spend so much on playing hockey and running4.  My parents then added to the pot of hot yoga money for my birthday. So my plan now is to do hot yoga once or twice a week5 and then I’ll need to find some extra money once my Christmas/birthday money runs out.

  1. note that this isn’t even how you actual wear the heart rate monitor – you wear it below the chest, not above. But I figured a picture where my breasts look not half bad would be much better than a photo exposing my flabby abs []
  2. plus, you know, all the running books say that. And all the cool kids are doing it []
  3. same thing as happened to this one happened again to my new one []
  4. running itself is free, but shoes and races fees do start to add up []
  5. can’t really do much more than that when I’m playing hockey twice a week and running 3-4 days a week []


Blog, blog, Wanderlust baby!

Oh yes, today’s blog posting title is homage to yesterday’s blog posting title. It’s true, I really did that.

Now, “what the hell are you talking about, Beth?” is probably what you are thinking right now. What I am talking about, gentle readers, is the new blog of one Dr. Dan, who you know as the Official Statistician & Tattoo Consultant here on NTBTWK. As many of you know, Dr. Dan is made of pure awesome and thus you should totally read his blog. It’s brand spanking new, so if you start reading it now, you’ll be able to say “Oh yes, I was one of his *original* readers” when he becomes an uber-famous blogger. Or, at the very least, you will laugh your ass off. I mean, with blog posting titles like “Yoga – A contact sport between my face and the floor” and a tagline like “Adventures in Dropping Trou and Awesomeosity,” how can it not rock?

“So, where is this blog of which you speak?” you ask.  Jeez, you sure ask a lot of questions for a disembodied reader to whom I am writing. But I shall tell you, because I am the self-appointmentappointed pimp of his new blog1Consumed by Wanderlust.

  1. as his pimp, I get a cut of all his earnings in exchange for protecting his blog and bringing him johns blog  readers. True story. []


Blot, blot, Western baby!

Finally, my love/hate of lab work and my love of Lady Gaga have been merged together into pure awesomeness:

I think the best part is that her costumes are made out of lab supplies!

Props to Dave, my friend and co-blogger over on my science nerd blog, who brought this awesomeness to my attention!