Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


13 Days ‘Til International Suit Up Day

ISU DayOctober 13th is International Suit Up Day. I’ll be wearing a suit to work that day – will you?


I Need To Do This

Props to Dr. Erika for passing that along to me!


My Nephew’s Favourite Song

This is the song that I sang to my nephew when I was on vacation with my sister and her family in Portland this summer. Sure he was only 11 weeks old at the time, but he totally loves Metric.


Hockey Hotties 2011/12- Your Suggestions Needed!

Yes folks, it’s that time of year again. Time to pick hotties for my fantasy hockey team! This year I’m joining Cath’s Hockey Pool where, apparently, I have to pick a fresh batch of hotties every week. Which I’ve only just realized is a lot more work than just picking a pile of hotties and then ignoring my team for the rest of the season, as I usually do in hockey pools. It also means that I need to select a large roster of hotties from which to choose each week, based on which teams are playing who, and which hotties are injured or on a hot streak (in the hockey-playing sense) in any given week.

As in the past, I’m going to start with my previous lists of hockey hotties (see herehereherehere, here and here), but will do my due diligence to look up their most recent stats as well as search for other potential hotties. And this, my friends, is where you come in. Please provide your suggestions for potential hotties in the comments section. I do, of course, reserve the right to be the arbiter of hotness for my team, but all suggestions are welcome and I will judge them accordingly.

In the meantime, let’s all ogle Scottie Upshall:


Adventures in Adventuring

Dr. Dan mentioned this on his blog the other day, but I feel compelled to confirm that, in fact, October 19th will mark The Great Drs. Beth & Dan Victoria Adventure of 2011!

You see, Dr. Dan is going to Victoria to give an invited guest lecture on his science-y brain thoughts at a high falutin’ stats conference. And seeing as he is flying all the way to Victoria, I figured the least I could do is take a day off to join him on said Island for adventure-y fun times. In fact, Dr. Dan has a stopover in Vancouver and I am going to hop on his plane for the trip over to the Island, spend the day adventuring, and then hop on a flight back to the mainland first thing in the morning1. Adventures may involve beautiful scenery, great food, tasty beverages, and, with any luck, some hottie sightings. Also, I have it on good authority that sumptuous robes may be involved.

In addition, as the calendar of Nerdidays tells me, October 20th is World Stats Day. I cannot explain in words how excited I am to be able to spend World Stats Day Eve with my favourite statistician!

  1. Thanks to a fortuitous seat sale, it’s about the same price for me to fly to Victoria as it would be to take my car on the ferry! And certainly much, much faster! []


It Should Be This Easy to Get Dressed for Hockey


The Spider Conspiracy Continues

So, as my long time readers know, the spiders are out to get me. They have sent many an assassin to try to kill me and I think they are getting angry that none have yet achieved the objective because they have now sent in the big guns.

The other day, I noticed a very large spider web that had been constructed on the light fixture outside my door. Now, we all know what spider webs are. They are the spider equivalent of the Dexter kill room. And this one was so large that it was clear that (a) it must have been a behemoth of monster that constructed it and (b) this spider is clearly intending to kill me. But said monster was nowhere to be seen. I silently prayed to the FSM that a neighbourhood cat or some such had found the beast and devoured it, but alas, I am not so lucky. It turns out that the beast is a nocturnal web dweller, as when I went out later that night to take out my garbage, he was sitting there smugly in his giant web, taunting me. Now, generally, my fear of going anywhere near a spider fights with my fear of spiders being alive anywhere near me and I am able to steel myself enough to off the bastards. But this one was SO BIG. So I decided it was best to take my garbage out the next morning when he would hopefully be gone, but if he wasn’t, at least I’d have daylight on my side so that he’d be less able to use the dark of night to launch an attack against me. The next morning he was, in fact, gone and I quickly destroyed his web.

Last night when I came home, the bastard was sitting on the light fixture, glaring at me for destroying his web. I quickly scurried inside, locked and alarmed the door and sprinkled holy water and garlic around to prevent it from being able to get in1.

When I went outside this morning, as I wanted to sit outside in the glorious sunshine, do you know what I found? Not only had the bastard made a new web, but this time he made it from the light fixture in front of my door on the one side to the opposite wall of my alcove2 on the other – that is to say – a web that entirely blocked my path to leave my apartment! If I had any doubts that this spider was trying to kill me, those doubts have been removed. Also, I didn’t have any doubts.

Of course, I destroyed this second web, but now I fear what the monster is going to do to yet again up the ante. I’m going to my friend’s stagette tonight and crashing at her sister’s place, and I fully expect to come home the next morning to find that my entire alcove is one giant web. *shudder*

Anyone want to come over to my place to kill a giant killing-machine of a spider? I can make no assurances that you will survive, but if you do, I will bake you cookies.

  1. Holy water and garlic stop spiders, right? []
  2. I’m not sure if “alcove” is the correct word here. Basically, my front door is at the bottom of a flight of stairs and sits sort of within a concrete… alcove? bunker? I don’t know the right term, so here’s a picture []


Best. Wedding RSVP Card. Ever.

This is the RSVP card for my friends’ wedding. I just *love* the different options for your reply.

Wedding RSVP card

So tempted to put “accepts with regret,” just because that’s hilarious! But I think instead I’ll use the write-in option to say “Accepts with the expectation that there will be hot single men in attendance.”


Live Blog: An Afternoon at the Office

In her comment on my posting yesterday, Krista Lee reminded me that “live blog something” is one of my 101 things to do in 1001 days, which I hadn’t really noticed when I did my panicked look through the list to see which things I could get done by the October 10th end date. And it got me thinking… the item clearly states that I need to live blog “something.” It doesn’t say “something interesting.” Nor does it specify that it has to be something that anyone will even attend. And thus, in the spirit of knocking #81 off my list, I now give you this live blog of my afternoon at the office. I am reasonably sure that it will be the least interesting live blog ever in the history of ever. Huzzah for making my goal unSMART ((Well, I think technically it was unSRT – because it’s measurable (I’m doing it now) and attainable (I’m doing it now). Just not specific, relevant or timely!!

Click Here To See A Replay of My Live Blog (It Will Appear in A Pop-Up Window, Apparently)


Panicked 101 in 1001 List Update

101Holy shitballs, my 1001 days are almost up! It seems like just yesterday, I wrote a list of 101 things I wanted to accomplish in the next 1001 days.  That was 982 days ago! I don’t know why this just suddenly occurred to me, but it did. And now I’m freaking out! And I don’t know why I’m freaking out – I mean, it’s not like I actually thought I’d accomplish all 101 things. Nor is there any kind of a penalty for not completing them1.

Anyhoo, I just did a quick perusal of the as-of-yet incomplete items on the list and I figure I can finsih two of them – #39 and #58. And maybe #77.

Anyway, stayed tuned. The end is nigh.

Image Credit: Posted by Leo Reynolds on Flickr.

  1. Other than the shamefully shaming shame, of course. []