Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


Installing Lazy Susans: Not For the Lazy

And speaking of my kitchen, this past weekend I did something that I’ve been wanting to do for almost a year. I installed a lazy Susan in the cabinet where we keep all our baking dishes, pots, pans, and various other cooking-related do-dads. This cabinet is a corner cabinet, and it’s quite deep, meaning I can store a lot of do-dads in it. The downside of this, however, is that it was damn near impossible to find anything in the cabinet, because things were piled upon things, which were shoved in front of other things and behind other things into a giant Charley Foxtrot of situation. It had gotten to the point that anytime I needed to get a dish or a bowl or whatever out of that cabinet, I could feel my blood pressure rise as I knew it would be big pain in the butt trying to find what I needed. A few dishes were even broken in the process of trying to maneuver a dish out of the mess. There was stuff in that cabinet that I forgot I even owned because it has been so long since I’d seen it.

Moreover, the top shelf in this cabinet was slowly but surely warping and I was pretty sure it would all come crashing down one day.

Kitchen cabinet - before

The picture doesn’t really do justice to how badly the shelf was bending. It does, however, given you an idea of what a mess the contents were!

Something had to be done.

With some help from my friend Lianna, owner of Evolve {Interior} Designs, I purchased a lazy Susan – a set of rotating shelves that spin on a pole, much like a pole dancer except bearing dishes instead of stilettos. It took a fair bit of wrangling – first removing the existing shelf1, then installing the upper and lower brackets into which the pole is secured2, and finally installing the actual pole and shelves. But at the end of the day, I was able to go from this:

Kitchen cabinet - before

Kitchen cabinet - before

To this wonderful set up, where the shelves spin around to provide easy access to all the splendours that my cabinet holds:

Kitchen cabinet - after

Kitchen cabinet - after

Kitchen cabinet - after

Hooray for kitchen zen!



  1. Which Devon had to help me with because as a shorty, I had insufficient arm length to really reach the back of the shelf to unscrews the screws that where there. []
  2. Which required me to actually get entirely inside the cabinet and prop myself up on pillows while in there. And, because I don’t own a drill, I had to use all the strength I could muster to screw the screws into the wood []


My Favourite Tea Towel

One of the things I got for Christmas was this tea towel1:

Pigeon & bread tea towel

My mom gave me – and a whole bunch of other people – this tea towel, which was designed by my sister’s friend Saskia. As you may recall, my dad was a pigeon fancier2, so every time I watch into my kitchen and see that pigeon, it makes me smile.

If you are so inclined, you can check out more of Saskia’s designs at Baited Hook.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go make a cup of tea!


  1. OK, not that exact tea towel, as that is actually a photo I stole off the Baited Hook website, because I’m lazy and it’s easier than taking a photo of my own tea towel and uploading it []
  2. That’s a fancy word for someone who raises pigeons. Get it – ‘fancy’! []


Another Frog Bites the Dust =(

We first noticed Torpedo1 was missing one day at feeding time. It’s not uncommon to not be able to see  one or more of the frogs during the day – sometimes all 4 of them hide in the castle at the same time and you’d swear there are no frogs in the tank at all. But at feeding time, we tap the tank and they usually all come swimming out to get their dinner. But not this day. On this day, there were only 3 of 4 frogs accounted for.  Removing the castle from the tank to make sure she wasn’t hiding inside said castle confirmed our fears – Torpedo was gone!

And here’s the thing – we cannot find that damn frog for love nor money. Aquatic frogs cannot survive outside of water for more than about 20 minutes, so she is missing and presumed very dead. But where could her body be? We’ve looked all over the apartment – which isn’t that big – looking under every piece of furniture and in every nook and cranny of the place, but to no avail.

In an effort to avoid any more frogs going missing, we’ve made sure that the saran wrap we have on the tank has even less open space than before – we honestly thought the space we’d left to make sure the frogs got air was too small for them to jump through, but clearly we were mistaken.

Given that we’ve now lost 2 froggies – and none of our frog eggs hatched – I’m pretty sure I’m the worst frog owner in the history of frog ownership. =(


Starsky & Hutch


Copernicus refused to face the camera so I could take his picture

  1. At least we think it’s Torpedo who is missing. I usually distinguish Torpedo from the other frogs because she’s the biggest one, but without her being there next to the other frogs to compare, it’s hard to be sure. []



This happened today:


For the record, there are three instances of 666 in that number.

It seems like only yesterday 1,333 days ago, I only had 666 km on my car! They grow up so quick.



Team Uggoe

So, it appears that millionaires and the billionaires have decided how to split up their gazillions of dollars and so we have an (albeit shortened) NHL hockey season upon us. This can only mean one thing: Cath is running the VWXPool! hockey pool again!

As I procrastinated on actually sitting down to make my picks1, I contemplated how to approach the pool. As you know, last year, as in previous hockey pools I’ve been in, I decided to go with a team of hockey hotties. And we all know how that turned out2. I asked The Twitter for its opinion:

hockey pool tweet

but the only response I got was from Cath, who is surely not an objective advisor on the matter3:

hockey pool twitter reply

And then the answer hit me – if my team of hockey hotties does terribly, I need to do the opposite and pick a team of only ugly players4 It’s so obvious, really. I don’t know how I didn’t see this before!

And with that, I give you my picks for this week – a.k.a., Team Uggoe. Be warned: this isn’t pretty.
Evengi Malkin (centreman, Pittsburgh Penguins):

Henrik Sedin5 (centre, Vancouver Canucks. He’s the one on the right.):

Phil Kessel6 (right wing, Toronto Maple Leafs):

Cal Clutterbuck ((He looks like an evil villain, don’t you think?)) (right wing, Minnesota Wild):

Drew Miller7 (left wing , Detroit Red Wings).

Michal Handzus (centreman, San Jose):

Zdeno Chara (defenceman, Boston Bruins):

Dustin Byfuglien (defenceman, Winnipeg Jets):

Mark Streit (defenceman, NY Islanders):

Kimmo Timonen (defenceman, NY Islanders):

Marc Andre Fleury (goalie, Pittsburgh Penguins):

Antti Niemi (goalie, San Jose Sharks):


The guy I really wanted for Team Uggoe, but who is listed as injured, so I didn’t pick him was Brent Burns a.k.a. Chewbacca (defenceman, San Jose Sharks):

Props to Cath for bringing the above Chewbaaca picture to my attention, which lead me to the following:

So there you have Team Uggoe. Let’s hope that they can bring me more points than my hotties ever did!

  1. Though I did get them done last night – with more than 12 hours to spare before the deadline! []
  2. i.e., not very good for me. []
  3. Given her vested interest in wanting to win the pool herself. []
  4. Don’t worry about the hotties though. I’m sure we can find other, um, uses for them. []
  5. I originally tried to get both Sedins and put this picture into my posting, but then I realized that I couldn’t afford both Sedins within the salary cap, but I’m too lazy to find another picture. Also, including a photo with both of them allows for extra uggoe-ness. []
  6. My dad *really* wanted me to put Kessel on my team last year, but I wouldn’t because only hotties were allowed on the team. I wish my dad could see that I’ve finally granted his request. []
  7. Admittedly, he’s not the ugliest person ever, but I needed to find a player that only cost me 1 point, as that was all I could afford within the salary cap and I was getting bored of looking at photos to find the ugliest guys. He’s like Ugly Lite. []


Belated Birthday Brownies

It just occurred to me that in all of my birthday festivities, I forgot to have any birthday cake! Birthday beer, birthday shots, birthday food, more birthday beer  – all of these things were covered, but somehow cake did not make it into the mix. But I figure +/- a week is within the period during which I can still reasonably say that I’m celebrating my birthday, so I decided to make some brownies tonight when I got home from yoga1!

The last time I baked brownies2, I thought I was using a recipe for fudgy brownies, but they turned out to be cake-y brownies and I hate cake-y brownies. So this time I used a recipe that was actually called “Fudgy Brownies.” It’s a pretty simple recipe – basically, just put everything that’s bad for you into a pan and bake.

Baking brownies

More specifically, the recipe goes something like this: Melt butter & chocolate. Add white sugar. Beat in some eggs. Add vanilla and white flour. Pray for your arteries. Pour it into a pan:

Baking brownies


Baking brownies

Write blog posting about said brownies while you wait for them to cool.

OK, I just can’t complete this blog posting without actually doing a taste test to let you know how they turned out. Wait here a second, OK?




OMG. Delicious!

  1. Brownies will so not help with my goal of losing weight, but I figure that since I did power yoga tonight, I’ll at least break even, calorie-wise []
  2. For Kalev’s housewarming party. []


Look What Arrived In The Mail Today!

Copies of my brand new textbook!


I have to say, it’s pretty amazing to hold this book – the product of so much work – in my very own hands!

For those of you who have been asking where you can buy yourself a copy of this fine book1, you can get it directly from the publisher at the low, low price of just $402. And if I see you in person after you buy it, I’ll totally autograph it for you – at no extra charge3!

  1. I.e., Rick. []
  2. Which is a pretty darn good price for a textbook! []
  3. Mom & Nancy, I already got copies for you. I’ll put them in the mail just as soon as I think of something witty to write along with my signature! []


Zombie Beth

So apparently this is what I would look like as a zombie1:

zombie beth

Is it just me, or does zombification actually make me look younger?

For the record, we now know what I’d look like as a zombie, a Simpson character, a South Park character, and an M&M. In case you are keeping count.

  1. Courtesy of, a promo website for the Walking Dead television series. As if you could forget that it’s starting back up in a few weeks! Props to my Aunt Lynn for bringing this important website to my attention via her zombifying her own picture. []



36I have just realized that I haven’t posted anything about my birthday – well, other than posting on Bethmas Eve. As it turns out, I was just having too much fun celebrating my 36th trip1 around the sun to post anything!

On Friday night – i.e., on Bethmas itself – I got a group of friends together for dinner at Rogue on Broadway. Rogue has really excellent food and a fantastic beer selection – in fact, I had a sampler so that I could try 5 different kinds of beer! Best of all was the chance to spend my birthday with some great friends!

Yesterday – i.e., Bething Day – Devon and I went skiing at Cypress Mountain2. Bething Day is the Bethmas equivalent of Boxing Day, which typically would mean shopping, but it’s my Bethmas and I’ll make up – and change – the rules as I go along if I want to. Skiing was lots of fun and made me ask myself, “Why the hell don’t I do this more often?”3

Given my renewed interest in skiing4, I decided it was high time to invest in some new ski wear, given that my current stuff is one zillion years old and not all that good for its stated purpose5. Since there was a sale on ski wear at Atmosphere in Metro-town – I knew this since Devon had gone there to get some ski pants prior to our trip to Cypress – I headed there today with the birthday money my mom had given me6. Unfortunately, this was the tail end of the sale and, thus, the pickings were slim. In fact, there was a grand total of one pair of small ski pants in the entire store7 and it was just a wee bit too snug to have been comfortable for skiing8. Oddly, a medium sized pair of the same brand (North Face) was giant – I probably could have fit two of me in them – so I’m really not sure what to do about that. Is there such a thing as size small-and-a-half9? Happily, though, I found a really nice Burton ski jacket at a great price, so I picked that up. I’m still on the hunt for a new pair of ski pants, but my jacket is black so I figure I can get any colour of pants and they will go with black.

In addition to all that fun, I also played a game of hockey today – which we won in OT! – and managed to do some reading for fun, a bit of homework, and some teaching. All in all, a pretty spectacular Bethmas weekend!

Image Credit: Posted by Stephan Mosel on Flickr.

  1. Also known as 62. Because who doesn’t love a number that’s a perfect square? []
  2. I was originally thinking of going to Whistler but then I remembered that I haven’t been skiing in a while and even the last time I’d skiied, I was beginner level, so then I thought it might make more sense to start off with a local mountain. []
  3. On a related note: Mount Seymour has a deal where ladies can get a “free” lift ticket in exchange for a donation to the BC Cancer Foundation. If any ladies are up for skiing on a Monday night, let me know! (Except tomorrow, because I have a webinar I have to do for school). Similarly, Thursdays is Student Night at Seymour, lift tickets are $22 for students – so if any students are up for skiing on a Thursday night, let me know that too! []
  4. Translation: I hope to hit the slopes a few more times this year. []
  5. For example, my ski jacket doesn’t even have a hood! No hood = frozen Beth! []
  6. Thanks Mom! []
  7. Other than the ones that cost $300+, which I wasn’t willing to spend. Or the ones that are Spyder brand, because they have a freaking spider-shaped logo on them and I just *can’t* wear a pair of pants with a freaking spider on them. The salesguy clearly thought I was crazy when I told him this, but seriously. Spiders. GAH! []
  8. And I certainly would not have been able to fit long johns underneath for particularly cold days []
  9. Truthfully, I think it was just the different styles of the pants. If they’d had a medium in the style that I tried on small, it probably would have been fine, and vice versa for the pair that I tried on the medium. []


I’m 35 Years and 365 Days Old – but I’m Not 36 Years Old Yet!

Ah, Leap Year – letting me have one last precious day as a 35 year old1

In related news, this has been sitting on my coffee table since my Christmas presents arrived from my mom in December:


Being the frugal ladies that they are, my mom and my sister included my birthday card and my birthday present in the package that my mom mailed me for Christmas. And I have been waiting impatiently to open said card and said present since then. Soon, my precious. Soon I shall open you.

I hope you are all having a joyous Bethmas Eve!

  1. I do realize that Leap Year was last year, but since my birthday happens before Leap Day, I don’t feel the effects until the following year. It’s the same with the Chinese zodiac – since my birthday comes before Chinese New Year, I fall within the zodiac sign of the previous calendar year. Which rocks, because 1977 was the Year of the Snake and who the hell wants to be a snake. Except Voldemort. Instead, I get to be a dragon and dragons, as we all know, are the most kickass of all the Chinese zodiac signs. []