Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


Donate for Rick or Bears Will Eat Your Kidneys!

Hey, remember how I spent weeks tweeting and Facebooking that you should vote for my friend Rick to win a trip to hike in Banff and get a bunch of money from a charity of his choosing? As it turns out, he won that1! Thanks to all of you who voted for Rick2!

donate or bears will eat your kidneys

By winning the contest, Rick automatically3 gets $15,000 for his charity of choosing – the The Kidney Foundation of Canada. But there’s more! There’s the opportunity to raise even more money! For every dollar that gets donated on Rick’s donation page (up to $5,000), Banff Lake Louise Tourism will match it. That’s the chance for $10,000 more to go to The Kidney Foundation of Canada!

So, you know what to do! Go to Rick’s donation page and donate what you can! And if you aren’t in the position to donate, please spread the word!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to donate!

  1. Officially, he came in second, but the first place guy turned out to be ineligible, so the prize went to Rick []
  2. Even if you only did so because you were afraid that bears would eat your kidneys! []
  3. Well, technically Rick & Dan have to do the hikes first, but pfft, they’ve so got those hikes! []


Manning Park

Yesterday I went with my friends Rachel and Peter on a top secret mission to Manning Park. Manning is a provincial park located about 3 hours east of Vancouver1.

After our top secret mission, Peter continued on into the Interior, while Rachel and I made an ill-fated attempt to go for a hike before we headed home.

Day 334

Rachel and I at Lightning Lake. It was sunny, so we are squinty

I say “ill-fated” because, despite it being the May long weekend, Manning still has a fair bit of snow. We were just going to go for a walk on the Lightning Lake trail to check out Rainbow Bridge, but it turned out to be full-on snow covered and since we only had our running shoes on, we decided maybe it wasn’t the best idea to follow that trail. Of course, this was after I’d already gotten trapped in some snow!

On our way to check out the trail, we had to cross a stream. And sure there was a bridge over the stream, but did we take the bridge? Oh no, of course not. We decided to walk over the snow pack that had formed a natural bridge. Good idea, right? Yeah, great idea – that is, until the snow below my feet collapsed and I sunk knee deep into the snow! I managed to get one foot out, but the other one was stuck! In the end, I had to wriggle my foot out of my shoe and then Rachel had to dig down to retrieve said shoe2. So awesome. Thankfully, I’m very short, so even sinking knee deep into the snow, my feet didn’t hit the icy cold stream. I’m sure if I were a taller person they would have!

The other excitement on our trip was four bear sitings on our drive! We aren’t entirely sure if we saw four different bears or just two – as we saw two on the way up and two on the way back, in roughly the same spots. So it’s entirely possible that it was the same two bears, but since it was several hours apart, they could have been different bears. At any rate, it was easy to spot the bears because there were several cars pulled over to take pictures. Including one guy who was *out of his car* and shockingly close to the bear. Craziness!3.

  1. You may recall it as the place that we shipped all the snow in from for the Olympics. []
  2. And she broke a nail rescuing me. What a good friend! []
  3. Note to self: check the news to see if any tourists were eaten by bears at Manning Park this weekend []


What Not To Do If You See A Bear While Camping

My sister and my neice, off on a canoe ride. Photo copyright 2008 Jeff Kramp. All rights reserved.

My sister and my niece, off on a canoe ride. Photo copyright 2008 Jeff Kramp. All rights reserved.

My sister and her bf took my niece on a camping trip last week.  On the way, they were drilling her to remember her name, Nancy’s & Jeff’s names, and their campsite number, in case she got lost.  My niece loves rules and memorizing stuff, so I can imagine that this is something she’d consider to be a good time.  Upon arriving, there were more rules: what to do if you see a bear!  So then they taught her what to do if they saw a bear: stay calm, back away slowly, don’t turn and run, tell the bear “Don’t eat me! I don’t taste very good!”

Later on at the campsite, my sister says, “Pop Quiz, Madeline! What will you do if you see a bear?”

Madeline’s response, “I will tell him that my name is Madeline Zammit and my campsite number is 462.”