Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese

By

One More Advantage To Being Short

Many moons ago, I made a list of reasons it was good to be short.  The list was, not surprisingly, short.  But I’ve just remembered one more reason to add to the list.  Being short means the ability to wear children’s clothing1.  Case in point: I wanted to get some of the nice Canada clothing that was made for the Olympics, but I was too cheap to buy it full price.  I figured that I’d wait ’til after the Olympics and see if I could get something for half price2 I knew there was a chance that all the good clothes would be gone, but it was a chance I was willing to take3  Anyway, I searched a bunch of Bays and Zellers after the Olympics were over (and so did my mom) and no good Olympic clothes for adults were to be found.  Lots of stuff for little kids, but nothing for grown ups.  And then I found this shirt:

It’s a kid size 14 shirt. I believe this means that I have the body of a 14-year-old. And for a $15 shirt with no PST, that works for me.

  1. and hockey gear. All of my hockey gear is junior boy’s gear, which is significantly cheaper than, though otherwise pretty much identical to, women’s gear []
  2. I may not have mentioned this before, but I am pretty cheap frugal. []
  3. moreso that I was willing to pay $60 for a hoodie. Did I mention cheap? []

By

Moving Up In The World

Very happy to have just bought a step stool for my new kitchen. So I can actually reach the top shelves!

My apologies for the terrible pun!

By

Thigh Highs

Remember last year when I bitched about nylons, specifically the fact that they are way too big for lil’ ole’ 5 ft tall me? Sarah provided me with some size “A” nylons (which apparently you have to be a Costco member to buy), which were an improvement over the size “B” ones I am forced to buy at any store to which I have access. But they were still a wee bit too big. So I’ve come up with a new and improved solution.

Thigh highs.

The nice things about thigh highs are:

  • although, due to my shortness, they are still too long for me, that just means that they come up higher on my thigh than the sort of mid-thigh location that they appear to come up to on the model’s thigh in the picture on the packaging. Which is much better than full nylons, where the nylons totally bunch up at the top.
  • when I put a hole through a thigh high, I only have to throw out one leg (as opposed to regular nylons, where a hole in one leg means you need to throw out a whole pair).
  • they are damn sexy

That is all I have to report.

By

Shorty

So I find myself typing out another quick blog posting on my beloved Palm Treo – being once again without a book (or an e-book). This time I’m at the arena, way early for my hockey game due to (a) the innate ability I have to leave early for anywhere I need to go on the assumption that travel will be awful/the bus will be late/my co-op car won’t be there/etc. only on those instances when traffic is non-existent/the bus is exactly on time/my co-op car is exactly where it should be when I get there/etc., and (b) the fact that I drive fast.

This time, I give you a list of the reasons why it’s great to be short:

  • you can fit your hockey sticks in the trunk without having to put the seat down
  • the big bruiser of a defencewomen thinks she can knock you over, but your lower centre of gravity foils her evil plan

Yup, that’s pretty much the only benefits of being short.