Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


Blogathon Debrief

So I’m a bit of a perfectionist. And the speed and sleep deprivation that accompanies blogging every half hour for 24 hours straight does not lend itself to perfection. So there are some things from my Blogathon – things I couldn’t remember in the haste of blogathoning – that I feel the need to rectify.

Re: All The Books I Currently Have Out of The Library

  • I’ve finished reading1 Eat that Frog: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time by Brian Tracy and The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell and now I’ve gotten Blink, also by Malcolm Gladwell
  • I totally thought I was on the waiting list for Getting Things Done by David Allen as an e-audiobook, but I just went to check where on the waiting list I am and it appears that not only am I not on the waiting list, but the library doesn’t even have this as an e-audiobook.  I’ll have to go to the library to pick up the CD audiobook2.  I’ll chalk this one up to Blogathon delirium!

Re: A List of My Go-To Meals

  • Can’t belive I forgot to mention President’s Choice fake “chicken” breasts with French fries (if I’m feeling industrious, I’ll cut up potatoes, cover in olive oil, rosemary & fresh ground black pepper and oven bake; if I’m feeling lazy, it’s frozen Safeway fries, oven baked) and a veg (maybe steamed asparagus or broccoli or corn-on-the-cob)
  • Also, veggie tacos!!  Yves veggie ground round with onions/green peppers/zucchini/mushrooms & taco seasoning mix in a tortilla with tomatoes, green onions, fresh cilantro, avocado, yogurt and cheese. Or sometimes I’ll use refried beans instead of the ground round mix.

Re: Stuff Cookbooks Have Taught Me

  • The cookbook that Shalu et al got me for my birthday is called Cooking with Kurma.  The other cookbook that Shalu gave me was The Higher Taste: A Guide to Gourmet Vegetarian Cooking and a Karma-Free Diet.
  • The cookbook where the chef says to put herbs and spices in until you are sure it’s too much and then put some more (which I neglected to mention was a gift from my sister), is called Byron’s New Home Cooking: 100 Recipes for Busy Cooks With Demanding Palates.
  • I can’t *believe* I forgot to mention my Linda McCartney cookbook! Linda McCartney’s World of Vegetarian Cooking – a gift I received from my friend Kaede – rocks my world.

Re: Plugins, My Plugins

  • Tod has just introduced me to the best plugin ever! WP-Footnotes automates the whole footnoting process even better than the AddQuicktag that I’d set up.  And you know how much I loves me some footnotes3.  Maybe now I’ll be able to write a blog posting with 101 footnotes in it before my 1001 days are up!
  1. by which I mean “listening to” []
  2. how archaic! []
  3. a lot! []


Blogathon: By The Numbers

Because today I feel like writing a blog posting about as much as I feel like having my intestines removed with a dull knife… instead I give you: numbers!

# Blog Postings: 49
# Guest Postings1: 8
# Hour of Blogging 24
# of litres of diet Pepsi consumed: 32
# Page Views 1720
# Comments too many to count!
$ raised for OPT by NTBTWK $4023
# Donators: 104
Total raised by all the bloggers in the world! $44,847.00

1Thank you, thank you, a million times thank you to my guest posters!
2approximately 1 L of diet Pepsi and 2 L of diet Pepsi Max! Diet Pepsi Max has ginseng in it. Ergo, healthy.
3The page says, inexplicably, that I only raised $346.90, but when I added up all the pledges that were made as listed on my profile page at , it’s $402. I have *no idea* how they came up with this other number.
4The page also has the wrong number of donators – it says 11, but there are only 10 listed when I look in my profile. Again, no idea how they came up with 11. Unless there’s a mystery donator who gave -$55.10…


#49 – The End!

Hey, remember that time, 48 blog posts ago, when I thought it would be a good idea to blog for 24 hours straight?  That was good times.

Here’s me a fewof hours ago at Workspace, blogging about the important issues of the day:

IMGP0050 by you.

Props to all the bloggers who wrote all day and all night to raise money and awareness for a wide variety of great causes.

Props to all the people who supported us – through guest postings and the bringing of foodstuffs and company and music and commenting!  Me loves the commenting!

And props, of course, to everyone who donated today. It’s why we all did this.

And now I go to sleep!



#48 – My 40th Birthday, Being Planned WAAAAAY In Advance

So, remember how I got a bunch of friends to go surfing with me in Tofino for my 30th birthday?  My *January* birthday.  Well, it was a tonne of fun, but FSM it was cold.  So I decided shortly thereafter that for my 40th birthday, I want to go surfing somewhere warm.  You know, like Australia or Hawaii.  And I started putting away a bit of money each paycheque so that I’ll have the money to do it.

Anyhoodle, the point of this posting is to let y’all know that you should start saving your pennies if you wanna come with.  You have 2727 days (or 7 years, 5 months and 17 days, if you prefer) to raise the coin you need to join me.  Also, bring sunscreen!

blog468x60 by you.Don’t forget to donate!

Read about the charity that I’m supporting, Options for Sexual Health!


#47 – Cool Words

Words I love:

  • characterological
  • exegesis
  • juxtaposition
  • phagocytosis

Words I hate:

  • problematize
  • hegemony

Words I feel like I should love or hate, but about which I haven’t yet formed an opinion:

  • evaluand
  • expectorate

blog468x60 by you.Don’t forget to donate!

Read about the charity that I’m supporting, Options for Sexual Health!!


#46 – Random Things I Learned on the Stats Canada website

OK, this posting has been sitting in my Drafts folder since FOREVER.  I started writing it and it started going sideways and there’s really no point to it.  It’s just a bunch of random stuff. A post in which I meander through things, not making any coherent argument.  Also, it, like many of my postings today, isn’t about my supposed theme, Stuff Books Taught Me, but rather stuff that the Stats Canada website taught me (although that’s kind of bookish).  Anyway, it’s late in the Blogathon now and I’ve been tweaking it when I’ve had a spare minute here and today. So I’m thinking that it’s now somewhat passable as a blog posting and I figure you’ll forgive me for not making any sense.

So I was tooling around on the StatsCan website1 the other day2. I wanted to know what the average age of people having their first kid is these days, and how this compares to the average age of people having their first kid in my parents’ generation. My mom and dad were 28 and 30, respectively, when they had my sister and 30 and 32 when they had me and it seems that, compared to most of my friends’ parents, they were pretty damn old. For their generation. But I’m 31323and very few of my friends have babies, or are planning to have babies in the next few years even4. So it seems that the average age of having one’s kids has increased in the last generation. But I’m a scientist and hence, love evidence, so I figured a trip to the StatsCan website would show me if what I thought was true is, well, true. And it seems to be, but reading through some of the info there, and elsewhere, I noticed something. It’s rather difficult to find info on fathers.

First off, the average age of women having kids in Canada has, in fact, increased in the last 25 years:

Average age of women giving birth in 1980 was 25.9
Average age of women giving birth in 2005 was 29.25


Women aged 30 to 34 had the highest proportion of births in 2005… 31.4% of total births.5

The only information I was able to find on dads, though, was categorized by moms:

“In 1983, women in their 30s and older accounted for only 14% of live births to first-time mothers. By 1999, this proportion had more than doubled to 32%.

The story was similar for the fathers of babies born to first-time mothers. In 1983, men in their 30s and older fathered 32% of the babies of first-time mothers. By 1999, that had risen to 51%.”6

Why is it reported like this? Why not the average age at which men have their first kid? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that paternity is not 100% certain, whereas maternity is? And I’m not a statistician – maybe this info is on Stats Canada and I just don’t know where to look for it?

Data from the 2003 US census7 shows that the birth rate of women aged 30 to 34 years in the US reached its highest rate since 1964, at 95.1 births per 1,000 and that the “birth rates by age of mother peak at age 25–29 years (115.6 births per 1,000 women).” This report goes on to report birth rates for women broken down by, for example, ethnicity… by level of education attainment… by level of education attainment broken down by ethnicity… and a bunch of info on rates of births among unmarried mothers. Oh my, unmarried mothers! For shame!8

Now, here’s the information from the same report7 on dads:

“Birth rates for males aged less than 25 years continued to decline; birth rates for fathers aged 15–19 and 20–24 years posted all-time lows of 16.9 and 73.5 per 1,000, respectively. Birth rates increased for men in the 25–54-year age groups and were unchanged for men aged 55 and over.”

So, page after page of data on moms, but only one short paragraph on dads. And men aged 25-54 were just all lumped in together? And though it tells us that the birth rate for men in the age group “increased,” it doesn’t tell us what that rate actually is, nor how much it increased…. unless I want to flip back to page 57 to find the table with this data. Apparently it’s not worth including this in the text. However, this report does mention that “Information on age of father is often missing on birth certificates of children born to women less than 25 years of age and to unmarried women”7 – supporting my hypothesis that information on fathers is harder to get than mothers, since maternity is always certain at birth.

As is often the case when I’m goofing off on the web, I go to a site for one particular thing – in this case, the average age of people having kids – and then I start looking up all kinds of random shit. The next thing that came to mind was stats on divorces, what with being divorced and all.

“Most Canadians marry once and only once, and less than 1% walk down the aisle more than twice, according to a new study.

In the case of a second marriage, Canadians who were in their 40s when they remarried faced only half as great a risk of marital dissolution than those who were under 30. Even those who remarried in their 30s had a 27% lower risk of breaking up.”9

So that’s kind of nice news for those who are divorced should we ever consider marrying again. I used to volunteer with a women back when I lived in Ontario who was happily married in her second marriage and who used to refer to her first marriage as her “practice marriage” – I thought it was pretty funny.

In addition to being a divorcée, and you might not know this about me because I hardly ever mention it or lord it over everyone or anything ;-), I have a PhD. Also, I like to be unique. So I decided to look up how unique having a PhD makes me. And I found this:

  • In 2001, there were 128,625 with a doctorate in Canada. The population of people over 15 years of age (from which this data was drawn) was 23,901,360. That’s half a percent of the population that have PhDs10 – yeah, I think that’s rare enough!
  • On average, doctoral graduates took about 70 months, or five years and 10 months, to complete their program… This usually followed four years at the undergraduate level and two to three more years at the master’s level.” – Mine was just a few weeks shy of six years, but when you consider that I did my Master’s degree in just one year, instead of the two to three cited here, I like to think this makes me above average
  • Also making me above average is my age of graduation – “On average, PhD graduates were about 36 years old when they graduated. Slightly over half (55%) were between 30 and 39, while 24% were 40 or older, and 20% were 29 or younger”11I was 29 when I got my PhD, making me 7 years younger than the average.
  • Making me much worse than average: “Slightly over half (56%) of all doctoral graduates completed their program without owing any money directly related to their graduate education. Of those who were carrying debt directly related to their graduate studies, about 41% reported owing $10,000 or less, 27% owed between $10,000 and $20,000, and 32% owed more than $20,000”11. Mine was, if I recall correctly, about half ($35K) for undergrad and the other half for grad school. It may have been a bit more for undergrad and a bit less for grad, but not by much.

Making me rare, but I wish it weren’t:

For every woman who held a doctorate in either science or engineering in Canada in 2001, there were four men, according to a new study that profiles scientists and engineers with PhDs.12

Since only 128,625  Canadians have a PhD and women only make up 1/4 of that (i.e., about 32,000 women), assuming that half of Canada’s population (~15 million)  is female, doesn’t that meanthat I’m in the 0.2% of females with a PhD?

Also in the same report:

The study found that for each age group, the earnings of females with science or engineering PhDs were significantly lower than those of their male counterparts. For every dollar earned by a male doctorate holder, female doctorate holders earned 77 cents. In contrast, a woman in the general labour force earned 71 cents for every dollar earned by a man.12


The earnings gap between young women and men only declined moderately during the 1990s, despite a dramatic increase in the proportion of young women holding a university degree, according to a new study.

From 1991 to 2001, the proportion of 25- to 29-year-old women holding a university degree went from 21% to 34%. In contrast, the proportion of 25- to 29-year-old men holding a university degree only rose moderately over the period, from 16% in 1991 to 21% in 2001.

Despite the sharp increase in the proportion of young women with a university degree and the fact that university degree-holders generally earn more than other workers, the gender earnings gap only declined slightly over the period.

Specifically, women aged 25 to 29 earned 20% less than men in 1991. By 2001, the gap had narrowed slightly to 18%. Virtually all of this decline was related to the rising educational attainment of young women.

One reason why the earnings gap only declined slightly in the 1990s, despite the rapidly rising educational attainment among young women, is that the gap among university graduates actually increased over the period. It went from 12% in 1991 to 18% in 2001.

This was largely the result of real wage declines in female-dominated disciplines, such as health and education, and real wage increases in male-dominated disciplines, such as engineering, mathematics, computer sciences and physical sciences.13

OK, that’s all I have. As you can see, I was totally phoning it in with the long quotations by the end of this, and there’s no coherent message.  Which is why I never got around to posting it before now.

1What, you don’t read info on stats just for fun?
2Where “the other day,” by the time I’m posting this, is probably like 6 or 8 months ago!
3OK, see, the draft had 31, which means it had to have been at least 6 months ago when I started writing this, but I just turned 32 and a half.
4OK, again, this is something that has changed since I started writing this posting. Now that I work out in the suburbs, *everyone* I work with has babies. So maybe it’s just the city people I hang around with that are baby-free into their 30s.
8Um, ya, that’s me being sarcastic.

blog468x60 by you.Don’t forget to donate!

Read about the charity that I’m supporting, Options for Sexual Health!!


#45 – If I Were To Write A Book

So, did I mention I’m a procrastinator?

When I put out the call for donations, I said that anyone who donated to my Blogathon charity woudl earn the right to requeset a topic for one of my blog postings.  Sarah & Dave were the only people who took me up on this offer (which was really more of a help to me than anything, ‘cuz I have to come up with 49 freakin’ topics!)  And they gave me a topic.  And here it is, blog posting #45 and I haven’t yet written it!

But here I am, writing it. Wheee!  OK, so the question they asked as, if I were to write a book, what would it be about.  And I guess I’ve been procrastinating on it because I don’t really know the answer. I have thought that I should write a book on tips for university students, because it’s not so long ago I was one, but I’m also an instructor, so I can give tips, for example, on what instructors want to see in your assignments. Stuff I would want to have known when I was doing my undergraduate.  So, yeah, BO-RING!  Another book I might want to write someday is a cookbook. Except that no one reads cookbooks anymore.  Boo!

Part two of their question was: would it involve a pregnant women being attacked by ninjas?  You see, I once told Dave and Sarah about a scene I envisioned, like for a short film, where a pregnant women is home in her kitchen and then all these ninjas show up to attack her and she has one of those wooden blocks with all the knives in it and she’s grabbing the knives and throwing them into the ninjas and it’s awesome!  But that’s all I’ve got – the image of this scene.  Why is this pregnant women being attacked by ninjas? I don’t know. How did she learn to throw knives so expertly that she can kill all the ninjas?  No idea.  And this is why I don’t write books.

Is it 6 a.m. yet?

blog468x60 by you.Don’t forget to donate!

Read about the charity that I’m supporting, Options for Sexual Health!


#44 – Word to Your Moms, I Came to Drop Bombs

I’m totally not going to do this title justice.  But it’s the middle of the goddamn night and my brain is fried, so I’ll take what I can get at this point.


All out of nowhere, everyone seems to have babies!  I’m currently reading no fewer than THREE blogs written by women with new babies (all of whom I knew pre-baby).  And I have to say – I find them riveting.  It’s quite interesting as a non-mom to get some insight into the world of having a baby.  Plus my sister, as anyone who reads this blog regularly, is a mom.  A supermom!  Also, I have another good friend who is preggers – not sure if it’s common knowledge yet, though, so I shan’t mention her name here for the moment.  In addition – I have a Mom.  She rocks.

OK, so that covers the “Word to Your Moms.”

Now, I came to drop bombs.  I wish I had some huge big news (i.e., a bombshell) to drop here, ‘cuz how awesome would that be. But I don’t. Because I’ve been writing for more than 21 hours, so I’ve pretty much told you ever single thing that is in my brain. And none of it is really a bomb.  So instead, I’ll drop the f-bomb.


Thus concludes, Word to Your Moms, I Came to Drop Bombs.

I’m tired.

blog468x60 by you.Don’t forget to donate!

Read about the charity that I’m supporting, Options for Sexual Health!


#43 – Guest Posting: 17 Random Things Books Taught Me

ZOMG! I’m such a scatterbrain!  I haven’t even posted Dave’s guest posting yet!  I suck!  Here it is – and, as always with Dave’s writing, it’s freaking hilarious!

Despite this being a theme I suggested, I’ve had a lot of trouble figuring out what to write. I wanted to lock onto one idea—one book—and write about that. Couldn’t do it, though. Instead, I present 17 Random Things Books Taught Me. This started off semi-serious, but it gets dumb and stays dumb from very early on..

If you’re nauseated, you feel sick to your stomach; if you’re nauseous, you make other people sick to their stomach – The Elements of Style

Under certain circumstances, I have found myself rooting for two siblings to have sex with one another –The Hotel New Hampshire

The Weinsteins are brilliant businessmen but complete and utter assholes, and Bob Redford’s a big of a dbag – Down and Dirty Pictures: Miramax, Sundance, and the Rise of Independent Film

Slaughterhouses are awful environments where animals are inhumanely murdered, and where the push for faster and faster production results in even the workers themselves getting mutilated; but all the same, I still likes me a hamburger – Fast Food Nation

To kick heroin, you will need: one room which you will not leave, soothing music, ten tins of tomato soup, eight tins of mushroom soup, one large tub of vanilla ice cream, milk of magnesia, Paracetamol, mouthwash, vitamins, mineral water, Lucozade, pornography, one mattress, three buckets (for urine, feces, vomit), one television set, and Valium. Alternately: never do heroin. – Trainspotting

There are books I have read and hated but will keep and display on my shelf forever just because I love the cover design. – A Polished Hoe

If you have a spiritual philosophy that’s best summarized in nine bullet points, and you stretch it out to a ‘novel’ with no real characters or plot, and the narrator just keeps running into people who vomit information at him for two hundred and fifty pages—there’s a pretty good chance your book will make seventy kajillion dollars – The Celestine Prophecy

Clowns are fucking scary. – IT

Stories of dystopic nightmare futures are made that much more bleak when described in very long sentences with little to no punctuation. – The Road

The big-breasted look might not always be in fashion. – What To Expect When You’re Expecting

If you take a big pile of money that your parents gave you, and you burn it, and then you drift across the States for a while, and then you go out to the middle-of-fucking-nowhere-Alaska alone, armed with nothing but a bag of rice and your questionable wits, and then you die—I’m not really gonna feel that bad for you. – Into the Wild

Moloko is milk, bog is god, glazies are eyes—and I still don’t know what the sloochavvy is. – A Clockwork Orange

Everything I ever needed to know, I learned in kindergarten. – Everything I Ever Needed To Know, I Learned in Kindergarten

Never fake being crazy to stay out of prison. Chances are pretty good that you’ll end up lobotomized, then suffocated with a pillow. On the bright side, the large native man who killed you will then throw an air conditioner through a window and run away to his freedom. – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

There’s a John Steinbeck book where one of the characters tortures another character by stabbing their genitals with a knitting needle(!?!) – East of Eden

If you’re good son who does all the hard work, minds the farm, lives well, and generally respects your dad, and you have a shithead brother who goes all prodigal, asks for his inheritance early, blows it all on (we can only assume) hookers, then comes back begging when he’s all poor and hungry, your dad will throw him the mother of all parties, which makes him a bit of a dick too. – The Bible

That Gatsby character: not so great, actually. – The Great Gatsby


#42 – Stuff People Google

So that last post reminded me of blog stats, the wonderful world where you can find what words and phrases people have Googled to end up on your blog.  Here’s a list of some, uh, interesting things people have Googled lately to land here:

  • the leave in the canadian flag [that’s some awesome spelling. you know, the singular of “leaves” being “leave”]
  • and then my head exploded [seriously, someone actually Googled that phrase!]
  • how to find someone to have an affair with [classy, people, really classy]
  • “doctorate” “unemployed” [nuff said.  Also, I like how they put the individual words inside quotation marks. ‘cuz that makes sense]
  • sluts in b.c. hydro [wha??]
  • caffeine makes groin hurt [also, wha??]
  • bananagasm [seriously, that is a made up word. Why is someone googling it?]
  • my job is sucking the life out of me [did you really expect the Internet to help you with this? Just by Googling?]
  • joffrey lupul pregnant [oh yeah, he totally is]

And, my personal fav, “[a person’s name] herpes.”  I’m not going to tell you whose name it is (and it’s not mine)… but all I can say is did you really expect to get an answer to that on the internets?

Also, while checking out my blog stats, I noticed my graph showing, very clearly, today’s activity:

blogathon graph spike by you.

Thanks for reading, everyone!  It does make it easier to keep at it knowing you are out there!

blog468x60 by you.Don’t forget to donate!

Read about the charity that I’m supporting, Options for Sexual Health!