Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese

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My Slurpee-less Half Birthday

I may not have mentioned it before, but I like free stuff. So much so that I once walked all around the downtown core of Vancouver with Kalev acquiring free Slurpees. And then the next year, free Slurpee-acquiring day went on a trip to the ‘burbs. And then last year, despite Kalev’s absence, I managed to snag myself a couple of freebies.

This year, however, I am Slurpee-less. You see, this year free Slurpee Day (7/11) fell on a workday and where I work, there are NO 7/11s. Seriously, I work in giant 7/11-less chasm (see Exhibit A).

why no 7:11s?

Exhibit A: A Giant 7/11-less chasm located around my place of employment.

That meant my 1/2 birthday this year – yes, my half birthday just so happens to fall on 7/11 day – was devoid of Slurpees (see Exhibits B and C).

Beth has no Slurpee

Exhibit B: Sad Slurpee-less Beth is sad and Slurpee-less. Notice the lack of Slurpee in her hand.

Beth has no Slurpee.
Exhibit C: Sad Slurpee-less Beth looks sadly at her Slurpee-free hand.

Instead of free Slurpees, however, I had a dentist appointment. I had somehow realized that the dentist forgot to book me an appointment1 – I’m supposed to go every 3 months instead of 6 months because I have braces – and when I contacted them, it turned out that they just so happened to have a cancellation this evening and if I didn’t take it, I wouldn’t get one for several weeks since they were closing down for the dentist’s vacation, and then my schedule would be all screwed up. So it was off to the dentist I went after work. Of course, that meant I didn’t get home until late and now I’ve not been able to get nearly as much done as I’d intended this evening and I’m super tired and need to go into work early tomorrow, so I really need to get to bed ASAP.

In other news, I made a crawesome dinner2 of green rice and bean burritos, both of which I made extra jalapeño-y, so the day wasn’t a total loss.

  1. Well, they’d actually just forgotten to book my summer appointment. I have ones booked for the fall and for the winter. []
  2. Where “crawesome” =”crazy awesome.” I came up with this word earlier today and totally thought I’d invented it, but then I Googled it and found out that it has, in fact, been used before. So sad. []

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New Mirror

So a coworker of mine noticed that I’m always using the world’s tiniest mirror in my office. It’s a little mirror attached to my makeup bag and it’s about 1/2 inch by 1/2 inch – not really big enough to see much of anything! But I use it a few times a day when I’m putting new elastics on my braces. And she said, “I have this mirror in my office that I never use. Why don’t you take it?” And you know how I feel about free stuff. So she gave me this awesome mirror:

Day 289

I’m spoiled.

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Two Reviews

Gift Certs

A magic show:

So I won some tickets to a magic show over on Raul’s blog.  Not only that, I also got $25 of gift certificates to Havana, where the show was. The magician was Vitaly Beckman and his show was freaking spectacular!  He was levitating things, making people disappear from one photo and appear in another and even had a bus drive out of a photo!  I have *no idea* how he did the stuff he did.  Crazy good.  If you ever have a chance to see him perform, I highly recommend it!

A movie:

Today I went to a show of a completely different type – Piranha 3D. If you like (a) lots of gore and (b) tits & ass in bad 3D, you will love Piranha 3D.

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Free Slurpee Day

Today was free Slurpee Day.  Since *someone* decided to move to the other side of the country, unlike previous years, I didn’t do a full-on Slurpee adventure, but I couldn’t resist getting just one:

Day 20

Update:  OK, two free Slurpees.  But it wasn’t my fault. I was out for a run and discovered that there is a 7-Eleven at Heather & 2nd Avenue.  My planned run was and out-and-back along the False Creek Seawall, so it only made sense to extend my run further along the seawall so that by the time I got back to Heather & 2nd, I’d have completed my 9 km and I could grab a free Slurpee, then use the rest of the walk back as my cool down.

Free Gatorade Slurpee!

Plus, it was a Gatorade Slurpee.  So really, it’s just free electrolyte replacement.  It’s science, people. Science made me have a 2nd free Slurpee.

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People Will Take ANYTHING That’s Free on Craig’s List

Remember a while ago when I posted my furniture to the Decor Hell contest because it’s so damn ugly?  Guess what went like hotcakes when I posted as “free for the taking” on Craig’s List yesterday morning?

As I prepare for The Great Move of 2010, I’ve made the decision to have a grown up apartment.  As in, not one that’s furnished with a mish mash of furniture that is older than I am.  And having an actual bed, not just a mattress on the floor.  As I mentioned the other day, my former landlady said I could have any of the furniture in my place that I wanted and while I am bringing the kitchen furniture with me to the new place, I decided against the horrible, horrible 1970s living room stuff. The land lady said she doesn’t want the furniture and she doesn’t have the energy to deal with it (she’s dealing with her own move at the end of this month as well as her husband being in hospital, so I don’t blame her for not having the energy to deal with it!).  So I decided to see if I could get rid of the furniture for her.  One less thing for her to deal with.  Plus, it keeps stuff out of the landfill and I’m all for that.  One person’s trash is another person’s treasure, right?

My friend Rachel moved recently and said that she was easily able to get rid of stuff she didn’t want by posting it as “free for the taking” on Craig’s List.  “People Will Take ANYTHING That’s Free on Craig’s List!” she said.   Her suggestion was to say a date and time and tell people that it’s first-come, first-served, rather than having to deal with emails and arranging to meet people.  Unfortunately, I’m not really at my place this week, so I decided to post and have people email and see what happened.

And really, who could resist an ad like this:

One orange couch.
Two orange chairs.
Two lamps (one lamp shade is a bit beat up, but you could probably glue it)
Two wooden end tables.

Free for the taking! You can take any or all of it. Email to set up time to pick up.

I posted my ad at 6:41 a.m., just before I left for work, and by 7:04 a.m. the emails started rolling in.  I received:

  • 5 requests for my ugly lamps (one of which has a slightly busted lamp shade)
  • 11 requests for my end tables
  • 18 requests for my ugly chairs

The couch has proven more of a challenge.  One person said he wanted everything, but when I told him that the only thing left was the couch, he said, “Nah, I mostly wanted the end tables.”  And another person has just now emailed to say she wants the couch and chairs, so I’ve emailed to tell her that I only have the couch left.  So we’ll just have to see what happens there.  If that falls through, anyone interested in a hideous 30+ year old couch?

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There Is Such A Thing As A Free Coffee

There may be no such thing as a free lunch, but I seem to have won myself some free coffee!  As you know, I heart free stuff, so when I saw that one can have their name entered into a draw for a free gift card by tweeting @BlenzCoffee, you know I was right on top of that one.  And then I promptly forgot that I’d tweeted about it.  And later I got this message:

Screen shot 2009-10-12 at 4.08.37 PM

And shortly thereafter I received this in the mail:

IMGP0139

Now if only there were a Blenz coffeeshop anywhere near my home or work!  Ah well, I’m pretty sure there’s one on Broadway that I’ll end up at sometime in the near future.

Anyhoo, thanks Blenz!

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Slurpee Adventure 2 – The Reslurpification!

As you may know, 7/11 gives away free Slurpees on July 11 (i.e., 7/11) every year.  Which just happens to be my half birthday.  Last year, Kalev and I decided to walk around downtown Vancouver, going to as many 7/11s as we could to acquire free frozen sugary goodness.  This year, we decided that walking is for suckers – who wants to burn off all those precious calories, right?  So instead of walking around the downtown core, we combined our free Slurpee search with our desire to drive over the new Golden Ears bridge while it’s still free1 and took Zaphod on another road trip.

Before the Slurpee trip, I drove my friend, Jen B., to the Tsawwassen ferry terminal, because she doesn’t have a car and getting to the ferry on the bus sucks big time.  She gave me a jar of homemade strawberry jam and a dish cloth that she knitted and bought me a coffee, which I think is an awesome trade for a car ride!  When I got to Kalev’s, it occurred to me that I was freaking hungry, so we decided to go to the Templeton to get their big ass breakfast to fortify us for our journey.  Which apparently we did last year as well, but which I had absolutely no recollection of until just now when I looked at my blog posting from last year’s Slurpee Adventure.  Which supports what I often say – I have a blog so that I don’t need to have a memory.

Our first Slurpee stop was downtown – Robson & Granville.  Kalev opted for the much-hyped new  Dr. Pepper Very Very Cherry, which, of course, is silly since the main flavour in regular Dr. Pepper *is* cherry.  I opted for the blue bubble gum flavour, which is also silly because everyone knows that bubble gum isn’t blue.

IMG_5040 by you.

Next we headed out of downtown on Hastings toward the highway.  Kalev started searching for 7/11s on his shiny new iPhone2, but I spotted one as we were driving, so we stopped there for Slurpee #2.  I had a banana flavoured Slurpee, because really no Slurpee adventure is complete without something blindingly fluorescent, and Kalev opted for the strawberry limeade.  Also, we saw this ridiculously large Slurpee mug, which I’m pretty sure is the leading cause of the current obesity epidemic:

IMG_1583 by Kalev.

A sticker on this mug informs the buyer that their first Slurpee mug fill up is free.  I’m pretty sure that that would also be your last fill up, because that amount of sugar would surely kill you.

Our next stop was somewhere where you can see mountains in the background (which really narrows it down in Vancouver, right?), as per this picture:

IMG_1587 by Kalev.

I think this was on Canada Way, but I don’t remember because I was in a sugar-induced coma by this point.  I also don’t remember what flavour of Slurpees we had because the Slurpees aren’t in the photo, and did I mention I have a terrible memory?

The next stop was in Pitt Meadows, which I know because of this photo of the sign of the plaza in which we found the 7/11:

IMG_1592 by Kalev.

Again, I don’t remember which flavours we had here. And yes, this was only yesterday. :-S

Then we made it to the bridge:

IMG_1606 by Kalev.

It was like, well, every other bridge I’ve ever driven on.  But it was free, whereas it will cost money next week, so therefore it was awesome.

Slurpee #5, I remember, was in Cloverdale, because once we got over the bridge were were all “OK, mission accomplished on that whole bridge crossing thing. Now what?”  We hadn’t really planned what we were actually going to do after said bridge crossing, so we decided to search out the closest 7/11, which was in Cloverdale but we had to drive around the Cloverdale fairgrounds to get there.

IMG_1613 by Kalev.

This is me, sending a text from the Cloverdale 7/11.  I believe the text said, “I’m in Cloverdale.”

Also, I decided that since all the photos taken so far were virtually identically, it was time to switch it up.  Hence this photo:

IMG_1615 by Kalev.

Then, all Slurpeed out, we decided it was time to head home.  And we also decided to double our lifetime trips over the Golden Ears bridge by returning the same way that we had come.  And, much to our surprise, we got caught in traffic on the deproach3.

Also, and this photo is mainly for Sarah, who just the other day commented about this, on the way home we discovered this – an “I don’t know where the fuck I’m going” lane:

IMG_1629 by Kalev.

But apparently it’s only for trucks who don’t know where the fuck they are going.  Every one else has to turn right.

And thus ended the Great Slurpee Adventure of 2009.

1The Golden Ears bridge is the one that just recently opened to replace the Albion Ferry. It will be a toll bridge, but for the first month they are letting people drive on it for free. I heart free.
2BETH JEALOUS!
3“Deproach” being the word that Kalev invented to describe the part of the road immediately after the bridge; the opposite of the “approach” to the bridge.

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Movie Review: The Unborn

Kalev won free tickets1 to a sneak preview of The Unborn tonight and he took lil’ ole’ me.

Kalev’s review of the movie:

“The best horror movie I’ve seen this year!”

-Kalev, Jan 8, 2009

1Then I won free tickets and then he won more free tickets. So, clearly we were destined to see this movie.

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Diet Dr. Pepper FTW!

Three of the last five Diet Dr. Peppers that I have bought have won me another Diet Dr. Pepper:

This seems like an abnormally high winning percentage, no?  I keep buying them from the vending machine at work – for some reason, whenever I’m in a store where I can actually cash in one of these bad boys, I’m not craving one.  And, of course, you can’t spend a pop bottle cap in a vending machine!  I suppose if I economy keeps tanking, at least I’ll still be able to afford my next few Diet Dr. Peppers.

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Babies for Obama

In honour1 of today’s US Presidential election, I give you this: Babies for Obama:

I saw this over at Feministing, where I also read that in the U.S., if you bring in proof of voting, you can not only get free ice cream from Benny & Jerry’s, but you can also get a free silver bullet and sleeve1 at the New York and Seattle locations of Babeland sex toy store.

Given the pathetic voter turnout in our recent election, maybe Canada needs to look into this free-ice-cream-and-sex-toys-for-voters idea.

1Yes, I am spelling honour with a ‘u,’ even though I’m talking about the U.S. ‘cuz that’s the way we Canucks roll.
2I especially like that this particular model of sleeve is called “The Maverick”a
    aJust don’t picture John McCain using “The Maverick.”i
        iI *told* you *not* to picture it.