Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


After 4 hours in the salon

So I saw my new stylist today. For *four* hours.

Thomasina suggested that I should do highlights, rather than solid colour, because then my roots won’t be so freaking obvious and I can get away with not having to do my colour as often.  And I am nothing if not cheap, so I said go for it.  The colour takes a few days before it settles in to what it’s actually meant to look like1, but here’s a photo:

Day 54

  1. it actually looks a little more on the gray side in real life, which is somewhat disturbing. But I know it will be fine in another day or two []


My Fabulous New ‘Do

I got a phone call from my hair salon about a week ago. It turns out that the new stylist (Halina), who had been hired to replace my former stylist (Amie), who had left hairstyling to become a medical technician, has broken her ankle really badly and had to return to Ontario to get rehab for said broken ankle1.  But not to worry, they’d found a new stylist (Emily) who was much like Amie and Halina – young and fun and awesome and great with colour – and so they were very sorry that I’d been bounced around from stylist to stylist but they really hoped I’d be happy with Emily.  So first off – points to the salon (Image West) for their great customer service. I was totally impressed that they took the time to call me and explain what was going on and to go out of their way to find a stylist with the same spirit as the one who I originally started seeing there2.  And it made me feel even more guilty for having gone to a totally different salon in a fit of spontaneity and patriotism to get my Canada flag red hair for the Olympics3.

One of the reasons that I started dying my hair in the first place is because of my atrocious grey hairs.  I mean, I wasn’t even 30 and I had grey hairs!  WTF, Mother Nature? 4  Up until the Olympics, I’d always dyed my hair lighter, because in my head I seem to think I’m blonde, despite my natural colour being dark brown.  The nice thing about lightening my hair is that, even when the roots start to show, the greys blend in with the blonde and aren’t so obvious.  Sure the roots look pretty obvious, but I’d rather have it be obvious that I dye my hair than have it be obvious that I’m greying5,6 But when my roots started showing with the red ‘do, the greys were glaringly obvious next to all the dark red plus dark roots.  So it was off to see Emily to return to my pre-Olympics colour.

Now, when I dyed my hair red, I said, “It’s no big deal.  It’s just hair. I can always dye it back whenever I feel like it.” Apparently, this was not as easy as I thought.  I told Emily  that I just wanted to go back to the colour I had before. She looked at my red hair. She asked if I had a photo of my old colour on my phone. There was looking at photos in magazines to find what colour I wanted.  There was consultation with the salon owner about the best tactic to take. I believe there may have been some alchemy and/or calculus and most definitely some quantum physics involved. I started to get worried.  Then she broke the news to me: “We probably can’t get you to where you want to be in one session.  We’ll need to highlight the crap out of your hair to get the red out and we’ll colour the rest with a bit of brown.  Then the next time you come in we can try to get the rest of the way.”  Part of the uncertainty was caused by the fact that I’d had the red done at another salon7, so they didn’t know what product had been used and apparently different product lines act differently together8.   Also, since it’s “corrective colour”9, it’s going to take longer and cost more than usual.  She was very apologetic and kept saying “It won’t take this long or cost this much the next time!  I promise!” but I knew that this was my own doing.

So, we spent the next TWO HOURS applying bleach and colour to my hair, using more foils than any hairdo in the history of hairdos.

The most foils ever

My foils were also stacked perfectly. I think my stylist may be a bit OCD.

Also, two hours gave her enough time to convince me that she should have creative license to give me a new style10.  I said that as long as my hair wasn’t shorter than shoulder length, I was willing to trust her.

After the colouring was all done, all the stylists agreed that Emily is a miracle worker, because there wasn’t even a trace of red left in my hair.  Here are the befores and after:

This is what it looked like when it was first dyed red.


This is what it looked like after a few weeks (since bright red fades quickly) and it is what I looked like when I went into the salon yesterday.


And this is what I looked like after Emily did her magic.

And so I’m a blonde again!

Also, I promised Emily that I’d pimp her on my blog.  I didn’t receive anything in exchange for said pimpage11, but she did such a good job and so I’m very happy to recommend her.  Emily at Image West on Broadway near MacDonald.  If you are looking for a stylist – giver her a call!

  1. something about her insurance only covering Ontario rehab. I didn’t understand it, but this is what I was told []
  2. especially since, at the time, the atrocious customer service of the furniture place where I’d got my bedroom set (which I haven’t yet blogged about, but will) was still fresh []
  3. Doesn’t going to a different salon totally make you feel like you are cheating on your stylist? []
  4. When I was complaining about being too young to have grey hairs, Emily told me that most people go grey a lot younger than we think – she said when she was in hair styling school at 19, all the other 19 and 20 years old confessed that they had grey hair already! Everyone just dyes their hair to cover it up! []
  5. Yes, I do realize that all this is very shallow. This posting is tagged with “rampant narcissism” for a reason []
  6. And yes, I realize that I’m telling the whole world here that I’m greying. But I’m sure my six readers can keep this secret, right guys? []
  7. that’ll teach me to cheat on my stylist! []
  8. e.g., if you are trying to “lift” the colour from product line B using product line A, it will turn out differently than if you “lift” the colour from product line B using product line B []
  9. i.e., fixing the mess I’ve made []
  10. she also threatened that she was going to make me sign a contract to never, ever dye my hair Canada flag red again, because it’s just too much of a pain to deal with later. I told her I wouldn’t dye it red again unless Vancouver hosts another Olympics []
  11. Seriously, this wasn’t a cheap hair makeover and I paid for the whole thing! Which, given my notorious cheapness, says a lot! []


Hair Products I Just Don’t Understand

While looking for some hair product at the drug store – my new stylist was teaching me things I can try with my hair at my last visit to her – I came across some products that I just don’t understand.  And, of course, I photographed them to show them to y’all.

First up:

“Dirty Clean” gives you that “day after” effect.  Because apparently greasy hair is in now?  Why would you go through the hassle of washing your hair only to put some stuff in it to make it look like you didn’t wash it?  Wouldn’t it be easier to, say, just not wash it?


You can spray salt water in your hair to make it look like you’ve “spent the day at the beach.”  I don’t know about you, but my hair looks like total crap after a day at the beach.  I went surfing one time and it took three people to get the knots out of my hair thanks to the salt water.  So I think I’ll take a pass on this product.

And finally:

Ignoring the fact that playing on fat phobia with respect to hair is just too much, why the scare quotes around the “0” in “0 Calories”?


Blogging From The Salon

So here I am, chemicals on my head, with my head is being toasted to ensure that said chemicals rid my hair of the atrocious two inch long roots that I’ve let get way out of hand!

[I wanted to put the*awesome* photo of me under the dryer right here, but I’m writing this on my iPhone and evidentally you can only put photos at the bottom of the post using the WordPress app. So you have to just imagine that the photo at the bottom of this posting is here.]

Oh now the toasting is done, but I’m still waiting for chemicals to cook my hair to the delightful reddish-blodishy colour that we all know & love.

As I have mentioned previously1, my former hairstylist, the lovely Amie, has left the world of dressing hair for the world of drawing blood, so I’m trying out her replacement, Halina. I was a bit nervous, because Amie was an amazing stylist and I always got sooo many compliments my hair since I started seeing her. Plus she’s super fun to chat with – the two hours in the chair would just fly by as we shared stories about life and boys2.

Now, I’ve only talked to Halina for about 10 mins while she was painting chemicals on my hair (and the occasional minute or so here and there while she checks the progress of my colour), but we’ve already covered our mutual love of cheap clothing stores, our aversion to paying big money for designer purses and how much better Vancouver is than Toronto. I think we’ll get along just fine.

Fingers crossed that the cut and colour turns out as well!

  1. not even going to try linking that to my old post here on yee ole WP iPhone app []
  2. mostly boys []


Quick Assortment of Random Stuff, bulleted list style.

In case you were wondering, I did not, in fact, die before, during or after the 12 Bars of Christmas.  I’ve just been too busy1 since then to blog it2. Or anything else.  And really I’m too busy to blog this, but I’m doing it anyway.  And you know what too busy to blog means, right?  A bulleted list!

  • I work all day and mark all night.  I’m in the home stretch of marking for the course I taught this term and have marked one of my two Directed Studies students’ papers.
  • I called my hair dresser to make an appointment for a cut and to fix my atrocious roots and was told that she retired!  She’s only 24 years old, so she’s actually just retired from hair dressing; the last time I saw her, she’d started a new job as a medical assistant of some sort3, but she was still doing hair one day a week.  So I knew this was coming, but I’m still bummed out by it.  She was really good.  I’m going to give one of the other stylists at the same salon a try – keep your fingers crossed for me.
  • I don’t think I blogged about this, but my grampa had a small stroke.  He’s OK – he’s back at home and feeling a lot better.  The doctor said that this was just a “little stroke.  A warning.”  And since bad things happen in threes4, my great Uncle Iky5 passed away and my Uncle George6 is in hospital with a blood clot in his lung.  But that’s three, so no more bad things are allowed to happen.
  • The other day I mentioned the second reason why my Dad is the Brett Favre of the brake parts industry, noting that Brett Favre has “perfect attendance” since 1992 and my dad’s perfect attendance record at work stretches back at least as long as that.  So I was talking to him on the phone today7 and asked him when the last time he missed work.  As it turns out, it was a wee bit before 1992.  Like seven years before.  The last day my dad missed some work when he took off half a day to go to his friend’s funeral.  That was 24 years ago.  As in 1985.  As in when I was 8 years old.

OK, a few papers marked this evening – check! Dishes done, last load of laundry in the dryer, and dinner made and eaten – check! Half-assed blog posting written – check!   Now I’m going to bake some cookies and listen to the 3rd period of the Canucks game!

  1. seriously. I have three laundry buckets overflowing with clean laundry as I haven’t had time to fold laundry the last three times I’ve done laundry.  And I’ve only done the laundry because I’ve made time, as it’s not socially acceptable to go to work without clothes on []
  2. at my current rate, I’ll get around to blogging 12 Bars in time for 12 Bars 2012 []
  3. like a phlebotomist or something []
  4. or so they say []
  5. my late Granny‘s brother []
  6. my mom’s brother-in-law []
  7. my Dad, not Brett Favre []