Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese



As a 5 ft tall woman, I’ve grown accustomed to wearing heels so that I can walk amongst the normal height people and only look very, very short, as opposed to the very, very, very, very short that I actually am. As a shoeaholic (a trait I inherited from my mother), I have an extensive selection of heels. But I haven’t worn a pair of heels since June!

When I sprained my ankle, I figured it was pretty sensible to wear flats. Fortunately it was summer and I have a few pairs of sandals that are nice enough to wear to work. And since I’d read that when you sprain your ankle, you are at an increased risk of re-spraining it for 3-6 months afterwards, I figured as a precaution I should stick to flats for awhile even after my ankle felt better.

And then my hip problem happened. So I’ve continued to not wear heels, given the limping and the cane and, though I am now on the mend, I’m not 100% and so I don’t want to re-aggregate it. But here’s the thing: it’s no longer summer, so I can’t wear my sandals. I really only have one pair of work-appropriate flats and then are burgundy, so they don’t go with everything (I have one pair of black shoes that have a platform with a slight heel that I do wear sometimes because it feels more stable than a regular heel). Three of my four pairs of work-appropriate boots (plus my one pair of ankle boots) are heeled. And last night I slipped on my way home from dinner and when I got home and took off my one pair of work-appropriate flat boots, I noticed this.

I don't think these are going to be waterproof anymore

Somehow I don’t think these will be waterproof anymore

I think it’s time to go shoe shopping.


Red Shoes, Blue Shoes

When I got to the gym before work, I wear my gym clothes and running shoes on the way there and bring my shower stuff and my work clothes with me. Unfortunately, last Wednesday when I went to the gym before work, I remembered to pack everything… except my dress shoes. Which meant the only shoes I had were my runners, which didn’t exactly go with my dress pants:

Day 199

Luckily for me, I work in an office tower that’s attached to a mall. Usually, I hate malls with the fire of a thousand suns, but in this case, it turned out to be handy, as there’s a discount shoe store in said mall. So I popped on over there once the mall opened to fix this fashion faux pas. As luck would have it, they were having a “buy one, get one half price” sale. And so then I *had* to buy two pairs, because financial responsibility.

My first pair was the more practical of the two that I chose – an average heel height, thickish heel width and it even has a cushy insole:

Blue shoes


The lighting in that photo isn’t great, but the shoes are shiny and dark blue.

The second pair is the super sexy pair though:

Day 203

In related news, it’s challenging to take a photo of one’s shoes when you have a curious  cat in your apartment:

Red shoes and a kitty


These Shoes Were Made For Walking

After class today, I decided it was high time I set out on my quest for some comfy shoes for my upcoming trip. Now, usually when I buy shoes the process goes something like this:

  1. Find pair of shoes in the store that are adorable or sexy or adorably sexy.
  2. Try them on.
  3. If they fit and look good on my feet, buy them without any regard to how comfortable or uncomfortable they are.
  4. If they turn out to be uncomfortable, swear. Then decide to only wear them on days when I’m sitting at my desk all day and thus won’t have to suffer for the beauty that is these shoes.

This process, however, would not be acceptable in this instance, as I expect to be doing *a lot* of walking on my holidays and so I need something that will be comfy. I also want them to look good, as my understanding of Europe is that everyone there is one thousand times more fashionable than we are here, so in order to try to blend in, I must buy nice looking shoes1. My other consideration is that I have limited luggage space, so I can’t be bringing many different shoes for many occasions – I needed something versatile, something that will go with all my outfits and that can be either casual or dressy as needed.

And so it was that I found myself in many a shoe store, trying on every pair of Geox, Clark’s, Merrill’s, Eccos, Pumas, and every other shoe brand that has been recommended to me. And shoe after shoe did not satisfy me – one felt nice on my feet, but was too casual/too dressy/too blingy/too ugly; another looked good, but had no arch support; yet another fit and the style looked good, but wasn’t available in my size, or was available in my size but only in white (which, of course, would become dirty one millisecond after I started wearing it). And so on and so on it went…. until I finally found a shoe I liked in a colour I liked and the floor model was in my size… and then the salesguy couldn’t find the left foot of this pair anywhere. He searched and searched and the left shoe was just gone! Talk about frustrating! While the salesguy was searching, I had the time to Google the brand of shoe, which I’d never heard of before. It’s called “Italian Shoemaker” and, not surprisingly, it’s made in Italy. My Google search revealed that people seem to overwhelmingly love this shoe for its comfort and it was pretty comfy when I tried it on, so I figured that seemed like a good call.

In the end, I decided to buy them in a sort of pewter/silver, as I figured that, like black, would go with just about anything.

Day 15Thoughts?


  1. Also, it’s entirely possible that Prince Harry will see me while I’m in London, fall madly in love with me, and whisk me away to a life of luxury. But that won’t happen if I’m wearing unfashionable shoes! []


My New Running Shoes!

My recent executive decision to run the Scotiabank half marathon (in late June) instead of the BMO half marathon (in early May) has given me the chance for a do-over of my half marathon training, which wasn’t going well because of my aversion to winter weather. Well, I’ve decided to embrace this chance for a reset and have re-started my half marathon training in earnest1!

After my last few (relatively short) runs ended with achy feet, I came to the conclusion that it was time for a new pair of running shoes2! Since the fabulous SarahDave gave me a gift card to the Running Room to put towards a new pair of running shoes for Christmas, it was off to the Running Room I went!

Now, all the shoes that I’ve worn since I started running have been Asics, so I went into the store with the full intention of buying yet another pair of Asics Cumulus/Nimbus/[enter the name of cloud type here]. As per usual with the Running Room, the salesguy3 had me take off my shoes and walk around the store and then said, “Your gait is totally neutral. No pronation or supination! And, yup, the wear on your old shoes is totally even – neutral for sure!”4. But! They didn’t have the Asics Cumulus or Nimbus in my size! The horror, the horror!!  So he brought out some other shoes5: New Balance. Adidas. Saucony.

The Adidas ones were hideously ugly – bright freaking yellow – and extremely not comfortable. They had zero cushioning, though the salespeople told me this was to make them lightweight – a full 2 oz lighter than a normal pair. Seeing as I’ve never had trouble with my shoes feeling too heavy and I don’t envision enjoying running on what feels like rock, this pair was out of the running6 immediately.  The New Balance pair were OK, but they were nothing compared to the Saucony. The Saucony pair, in fact, reminded me of when I first met my first pair of Asics – so cushiony, hugging my feet like they were made for them! And that, my friends, is the story of how I decided to cheat on my running shoe brand and jumped into the figurative arms of a pair of Saucony Progrid Ride 3:


  1. I’ve also registered for the race! []
  2. I did have my old shoes through the lion share of my Royal Victoria half marathon last year, plus that race, plus all my running since then. And need I remind you that I blew away my personal best at that race? Clearly, all that speed and distance must take a toll on one’s shoes []
  3. This was, for the record, the same salesguy who laughed at me when I showed up at the Running Room dressed in my running gear. He didn’t appear to recognize me in my street clothes. []
  4. Is it odd that I take pride in have this “neutral” gait? I mean, it isn’t actually something that I’ve done anything to make happen, yet I feel superior because of it []
  5. I suppose I could have gone to another Running Room store, but I was already at this one and figured I may as will give these ones a try before insisting on Asics []
  6. Bad running pun, FTW!! []


Why Did You Let Me Near A Shoe Store?

Day 267

I couldn’t help myself. It was buy one pair, get the second pair for half price!

The photo isn’t very good1, but the pair on the left is actually purple. Purple, seems to be a colour that appears often in my wardrobe and thus I needed a pair of shoes to go with my fabulous purple items of clothing. Clearly.

Update: I realized that these shoes were clearly on sale because it was Pi Boxing Day! How silly of me to forget about this important holiday!

  1. note to self: perhaps you should have bought a new camera rather than new shoes? []


New Boots For Bething Day!

Since the shoe buying ban of 2010 is now over, I am free to yet again indulge in my love of new footwear. And since it was today is Bething Day – the Bethmas equivalent to Boxing Day – it was only appropriate for me to take advantage of the awesome Bething Day sales.  Thus, I give you my new boots:

Day 206

Now I just have to figure out what I’m going to wear them with to my Bethmas extravaganza on Saturday!


Shoe Ban Loophole #2

As you know, I have banned myself from buying shoes in 2010. And, as you also know, I have acquired only two pair of shoes during this time: one pair of running shoes (which were considered, right from the time I installed the ban, an exception because having properly functioning running shoes when training for a half marathon is an important health and safety issue – thus, they are, for the purposes of the shoe ban, safety gear, not shoes) and one pair that was given to me by a coworker (and thus made it through the first shoe ban loophole – I didn’t actually *buy* those shoes and the shoe ban was specifically worded around me *buying* the shoes).

Well, today I was faced with a conundrum. I went out to the Sally Ann Thrift store in search of some needed items for the making of my Hallowe’en costume.  And, the costume that I’m making requires platform shoes and the platform shoes that I currently possess in my shoe collection do not meet the technical specifications of my costume (I’d love to explain more, but I cannot give away the secret as to what my Hallowe’en costume will be. I will come back after Hallowe’en and update this posting to explain why my current platform heels are insufficient for said costume). So, I purchased this pair using the loophole that these are not shoes, they are components of my Hallowe’en costume. They are a pair of components for my Hallowe’en costume.  That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Day 124


So, How Many Shoes *Do* I Own?

So the correct answer to this week’s question of “How many pairs of shoes does Dr. Beth own?” is….


31. And 4 pairs of boots1.  Which makes Kalev, with his guess of 30, the winner and proud owner of 1000 shiny points.  Try not to spend all those points in one place, Kalev!

I’m actually surprised it isn’t more – I thought my shoe habit was more out of control than this. Granted, I do only have one pair of feet…

  1. well, I guess technically I have 5 pairs of boots if you count my ski boots []


How Many Pairs of Shoes Do I Own?

summer shoes.jpg

Someone asked me this the other day and I don’t actually know the answer to this question. I was going to count them, but then I thought, why not make it a contest first? Guess how many pairs of shoes I own!

You have until 11:59 p.m. Pacific Time on Thursday (September 23, 2010)1.

I’ll count them on Friday and the person who comes the closest will win 1000 points!

  1. Only guesses posted on this blog posting at will count – no comments on The Facebook or The Twitter, because I’m much too lazy to go to all those places to look for them []


Loophole In The Shoe Ban

I acquired a new pair of shoes today.  However, it wasn’t my fault AND I didn’t pay for them, so I am not contravention of 2010 new shoe ban, as the exact words of the ban were: “I’ve decided that I won’t buy any news shoes this year, except possibly running shoes if needed.” Hooray for loopholes!

Free Shoes!The give you the full story, one of my co-workers had a pair of shoes in her office that had been there for eons, but which she never wears.  She looked at my feet and said, “What size are you?” and when I said I was size 6, she said, “They’ll fit you!  You take them!”  I protested, but she insisted and who am I to argue with someone who is generously offering me something??  Also, in my defence (not that I’m totally rationalizing this or anything), I don’t actually have a pair of plain black flats1, so this is really like the only type of shoe that was missing from my vast, vast collection.

Also on the topic of my cheapness and rampant consumerism, I bought an adorable little top at a consignment store yesterday. I was meeting my friends Bryn & Patrice from my old work for dinner, but I was there a bit early2, so popped into a consignment store, which had tonnes of cute stuff, almost none of which fit me.  Except this top.  And it was only $10, and who am I to turn down an adorable $10 top?

Day 37

This is the first and only piece of animal print clothing I own.  I figure I’m far enough past my cougar phase that I can now pull this off.

  1. at least not since I left the pair I did have at Danielle’s place in Victoria []
  2. I always leave extra time in case there’s traffic when driving into Vancouver, but traffic was fine! []