Dear Beth Simpson

Dear Beth Simpson Who Is Going to Maui Next Week,

I know that you think the Gmail address “beth.simpson” is yours, but it really, really is not.  I know this because that is *my* email account and I’ve had it since September 4, 2004.  You see, before I got divorced my last name was Simpson and so, when my Uncle Michael sent me one of those hard-to-get Gmail invites back in ’04, it made sense that I would pick “beth.simpson” as my username.  And despite my name change, I kept this email address1 because lots of people I know had that address for me and I didn’t want their emails to get lost out in cyberspace.  Now, I’m sure you were bummed out when you decided to get a Gmail account and discovered that your preferred name was taken, but I must admit that I am flummoxed as to why you continually sign up for things using *my* email address.  I don’t appreciate you having signed me up for the Great American Cookies Fan Club newsletter or the Kohls.com one or an account with the British Gas company.  I’m not sure how it was to your benefit to list an ad for a room for rent with my email address as the contact – didn’t that make it difficult to find any renters?  And did you ever get that furniture over which you were haggling by phone, but the decided to give the saleswoman my email address to follow up with?

What really freaked me out was when emails started showing up from “Beth & David Simpson,” as “David” is my ex-husband’s name.  So it basically felt like my former self, as part of a no-longer-existing couple, was emailing my current self, some 4+ years after said couple ceased to exist.  Freaked. Me. Out.  As near as I can tell, these email messages are you attempting to forward emails from your bellsouth.net email account to what you think is your Gmail account, but that’s merely a guess as you’ve ignored my polite emails requesting that you cease giving out my email address as if it were your own.

So today, when I received the e-ticket for two to see a magic show (valued at nearly $200) in Maui next week, I had to wonder if perhaps you were intending this as a peace offering to make up for all the inconvenience you’ve caused me.  But you seem to have forgotten to send me the e-ticket for the necessary plane ride.  You can just email it to me…. I think you know my address.

Sincerely,

The Beth Who Owns The Beth.Simpson gmail address.


Mitzvah Update:

The kind deed I did today was to email the company that issued that ticket to my email address to let them know it didn’t reach the right person.  Though it would have been quite easy to just ignore the email, I figure that since Beth dropped $200 on those tickets, she might actually want to receive them.

  1. I have it autoforwarding to my current email address []