Bad Driving 101

Bad Driver's Handbook by billypalooza.On the way to work the other day, I saw the wreckages of THREE car crashes.  Fortunately for me, they were all on the opposite side of the road to me, so I wasn’t slowed down1.  And it doesn’t surprise me, given the horrible, horrible, horrible drivers I’ve seen lately.  Seriously, how do these people get their driver’s licenses?

Examples of atrocious driving behaviours I’ve seen lately include:

  • countless people who drive 80 km/hr in the fast lane on roads where the speed limit is 90 km/hr (and most of the traffic is going 100-120 km/hr and so have to slam on their brakes when they get to the asshat who doesn’t know the meaning of the words “fast lane”)
  • conversely, the asshats who driver 140+ km/hr when there’s thick traffic that’s all going 95 km/hr. They zoom up behind you and then change lanes aburptly, despite the fact that there are two cars driving side-by-side in front of you on the two lane road.  Do they really think they are somehow going to get ahead? Where exactly do they think they are going??
  • And then there’s the jerkwads who drive really, really slowly in the fast lane, forcing you to change to the right lane to pass them… and then they speed up the moment they see you trying to pass them in order to block you from passing them. I hate that.
  • Also, people who are averse to getting into the turning lane. In Vancouver, there are a fair number of right hand lanes that aren’t for driving – they are parking lanes, or they are bus only lanes during certain hours.  And when people want to turn right, instead of getting into those lanes once they are passed any parked cars (or buses), just turn right from the left lane. And, of course, they have to slow down pretty much to a stop before they turn, meaning I have to slow right down and it’s all for no reason seeing as they could just get in the goddamn right lane to turn right!
  • one car who decided he was going to come into my lane while I’m driving right next to him. I’m not in his blind spot, mind you (and even if I were, he should be checking that), but directly beside him.  He doesn’t look in his mirror or over his shoulder or even signal – just abruptly turns his steering wheel to the left. Only my quick wits in the swerving and honking departments saved me and Zaphod from this man’s idiocy.
  • a car driving right up to the end of an on ramp lane – and then onto the shoulder – because the driver was incapable of figuring out how to merge. And – surprise surprise – when I drove past the car, the driver was on her cell phone.
  • Two cars, parked in adjacent parking stalls, who both started backing up out of their spots at the exact same time. When I was already in the lane. And neither noticed that they were backing up directly at me until I honked at them.
  • a woman – and I’m not making this up – who was plucking hair from her chin at a stop light. Seriously.  She pulled up to the stop light, pulled her visor down to look in the mirror, grabbed a pair of tweezers and started plucking away.  Now, this might not be the most dangerous driving behaviour I’ve seen – she was stopped at a light – but… gross. 2

Incidentally, if you search “bad driver” on Flickr, you will find plenty of photos of license plates attached to cars driven by drivers who have done something to piss off someone with a camera.

Image Credit: Posted by billypalooza on Flickr.

  1. but those poor schmucks heading *into* Vancouver were pretty hooped []
  2. If I hadn’t been in extreme pain at the time and just trying to get to Tod’s so I could take my T3s and curl up on the couch, I would have rolled down my window and yelled “DO YOU KNOW WE CAN ALL SEE YOU???” []