Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese

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Mark Your Calendar! My 33 1/3 Birthday is Just Around the Corner!

May 11, 2010.  I’m not sure what I want to do for it, but a 33 1/3 birthday really warrants some sort of celebration, don’t you think?

Consider yourself warned.

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Happy 1st Birthday, Teddy!

Hey, remember when Sarah and Dave had a baby?  That was a year ago today!

Happy Birthday, Teddy!

I’ve only managed to see you once in your first year, but I’m hopeful that I’ll make it out east to visit you all sometime in 2010!

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T minus 24 hours

…’til the start of the 12 Bars of Christmas ’09.  My liver hurts already.

I was just flipping through my blog postings from the previous 12 Barses1 and realized that this is my 4th year of 12 Barring, not my 3rd as I was thinking it was.  Not sure how I could have made that mistake, given that the emails keep saying it’s the 5th time that Erika & Paul have run this event and I know that I only missed the first year of it2.  Tomorrow’s forecast calls for snow, as seems to always happen for 12 Bars, but on the plus side I’m going to get some kickass Foursquare points, let me tell you.

Anyhoo, wish me luck on my latest attempt to consume far more alcohol than is reasonable even for a person of normal size, let alone for a shrimp like me – and keep your fingers crossed that the coming snowstorm doesn’t result in me having to walk home like I did last year.

  1. Barses is the plural of Bars, right? []
  2. perhaps this annual drinking at 12 bars in 6 hours isn’t good for the old brainarino? []

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#48 – My 40th Birthday, Being Planned WAAAAAY In Advance

So, remember how I got a bunch of friends to go surfing with me in Tofino for my 30th birthday?  My *January* birthday.  Well, it was a tonne of fun, but FSM it was cold.  So I decided shortly thereafter that for my 40th birthday, I want to go surfing somewhere warm.  You know, like Australia or Hawaii.  And I started putting away a bit of money each paycheque so that I’ll have the money to do it.

Anyhoodle, the point of this posting is to let y’all know that you should start saving your pennies if you wanna come with.  You have 2727 days (or 7 years, 5 months and 17 days, if you prefer) to raise the coin you need to join me.  Also, bring sunscreen!

blog468x60 by you.Don’t forget to donate!

Read about the charity that I’m supporting, Options for Sexual Health!

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Pig Party!

Today was the day of my niece’s pig-themed birthday party!

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The menu included “pig slop” (a.ka. soup) and pigaroni and cheese.

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with a pig-in-the-mud cake for dessert:

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The birthday girl blowing out her candles!

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And gets to enjoy the pig cupcake!

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Happy birthday, little piglet!

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Happy 150th Birthday, British Columbia!

150 years ago today the Colony of British Columbia was born!  Mind you, the Colony of Vancouver Island was born earlier than that (in 1849) and the two would join together in 1866 to become the creatively named United Colonies of Vancouver Island and British Columbia.  But, no matter.  It’s Happy 150th birthday, British Columbia anyway!

Resident historian, Sarah, passed along the link to this article in the Globe and Mail – well worth the read if you are interested in the origins of BC.  It’s all American miners flooding into BC in droves for the Fraser Canyon Gold Rush, wars with the “Indians” and “headless corpses float[ing] in the Fraser River.”  You know, as opposed to the severed feet we are used to seeing these days.

Me, enjoying the splendour of Joffre Lakes, BC

Me, enjoying the splendour of Joffre Lakes, BC

Fun facts about British Columbia:

  • the province covers 944,735 km2
  • we’ve got quite a variety of climates: from the coast of the mainland and Vancouver Island, which are temperate rainforest, to our desert regions in the Interior
  • our provincial flower is the Pacific dogwood
  • our provincial tree is Western Redcedar
  • our provincial bird is the Steller’s Jay
  • our provincial mammal is the Spirit Bear (a.ka. the Kermode bear)

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Happy BDay, Almost Dr. Dan!

A long, long time ago I found the perfect birthday card for my friend Dan.  Dan, who you may remember as the “Gillis” in Snow, Snow & Gillis (2007), the groundbreaking paper entitled “The relationship between childhood attitude towards The Count and mathematical ability later in life: A thirty-year retrospective study.”  I didn’t actually know when his birthday is, but figured that was a minor detail.  Facebook would tell me, right?  Yeah, Facebook told me today… that his birthday is tomorrow.  He lives in Guelph, Ontario.  So, since mailing the card is not an option, I’m going all Web 2.0 on ya – here’s your birthday card, Dan!  Hope you have a good one!

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Hockey Tournament Recap

This is our goalie, Megs, at dinner on our first night in Vegas. Her shirt (and she had those shirts made up for everyone on the team because she *totally friggin’ rocks*!) pretty much sums up our weekend at the Lady Luck Cup hockey tournament in Las Vegas.

Highlights of the trip:

  • the U.S. border guard who asked us to explain what a “hockey tournament” is. Seriously.
  • these randoms from Ottawa who met some of our team on the Thursday night showed up to watch our game on Saturday morning. Apparently when it’s 6 a.m. and you are still in the casino after a night of drinking and gambling an idea like “hey, we should go watch those girls play hockey!” sounds like such a good idea that you wake your friends up and drag them off to the arena. Unfortunately, these dudes ended up at the wrong arena¹ and after a $100+ cab ride trying to find the arena, they showed up after our game had ended. We let them ride back to the Strip on the bus with us² and I’m sure that at this very moment, they are bragging to all their friends “… and then we were on the bus with a hockey team full of hot chicks!”
  • Speaking of $100+ cab rides, one of our players accidentally paid $109 for a $10 cab ride by mistaking a $100 for a $1 bill³. She more than made up for it, though, by winning $2300 on friggin’ slot machines!
  • The buffet at Paris was so ridiculously awesome. Crème brûlée4 to die for!
  • Picture this: there’s about 2 minutes left in our first game, we are down like 9-0 and our one an only fan yells out at the top of his lungs, “There’s plenty of time left!”
  • Apparently the other teams in the tournament, all of whom were from Canada btw5, went to Vegas to actually play hockey. We, however, thought the competition had more to do with maximizing the consumption of alcohol containing beverages while minimizing the number of hours slept. Thus, things like going to the arena, putting on our gear or moving in such a way as would result in skating-like motions/stick handling/shooting pucks anywhere near the opposing team’s net were not among our favourite events of the weekend. Some of our more stellar moves in the tournament included:
    • when our two defenceman were fighting over who had to go and get the puck: “No, you go and get it.” “No, YOU go and get it.”
    • the defenceman who would just stand and wave at the other team as they went by on a breakaway. Buh-bye!
    • the way the goalie would break out into laughter every time the other team scored. She was to explain later that her thought process was something like this: “Oh hey, there goes a puck. Wait, I was supposed to stop that, wasn’t I?”
  • At the Shark Reef Aquarium at Mandalay Bay5 they let me touch a stingray!

Lowlights of the trip:

  • Nuh uh! What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, so you aren’t getting any of the good dirt from me here!

I’m relatively certain that I’m forgetting a tonne of other things (some of which I’m not even intentionally leaving out to protect the, uh, innocent), but I’m way exhausted and must go to sleep RIGHT NOW! If I remember anything else of note, I’ll post an update. Srsly, must sleep now!

¹Who knew that Vegas had more than one arena. Or, as they like to call them, “ice centres.”
²Which may or may not have been because they bought us a couple of cases of beer.
³Stupid American money that all looks the same!
4No relation to Gilbert.
5Seriously, we went to Vegas to play teams from BC and Alberta. There was a team from Saskatchewan in the women’s division, but we didn’t play them.
6Check out my photos from the Aquarium, including some person dipping their 5-year-old into the tank to touch the sting rays, here.

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I have been remiss!

March 16 was my grandpa’s 85th birthday and I neglected to blog it!

Just think about celebrating an 85th birthday- 85 years is a long, long time! Born in 1923, he’s seen 14 of the 22 Canadian Prime Ministers¹ in his lifetime. He’s had 6 kids, 9 grandkids, 10 great grandkids and 1 great, great grandkid. And counting. When I was born, my grandpa was only 52 years old, a full 10 years *younger* than my dad is now. And am one of the youngest of his grandkids (7th of the 9). Stuff like that just blows my mind. Especially since I live so far away from my family and only get to see them every few years, I forget how much everyone has aged. When I think of my family, I picture my parents in their 40s and my grandparents in their 60s. They were considerably older than that when I left Ontario, so I have no idea why these are the ages that have stuck in my mind.

Some fun random things about my grandpa (if you can believe his tall tales and my shoddy memory):

  • one of my fondest memories from my childhood is tobogganing with my grandpa on my birthday (although it might have been my cousin’s birthday… or possibly some random, non-birthday day). He got me and all of my cousins these orange Howard Johnson toques (he worked at the HoJo at the time)
  • Grandpa is blind in one eye from bovine tuberculous, which he contracted when he was young. He wanted to fight in WWII and so he memorized the eye chart in order to pass the eye exam part of the physical. It worked, but his dad, who had fought in WWI, including at Vimy Ridge, ratted him out and so he never went to war.
  • Grandpa tells the same jokes, repeatedly. Apparently this trait is genetic, as a number of his children and grandchildren do the same thing.
  • Fortunately, longevity runs in my family. My Great Granny (my grandpa’s mom) lived to 98 years old². So I look forward to celebrating my grandpa’s birthday for at least another 13 years =)

¹Speaking of which, I haven’t forgotten this week’s installment of my prime ministerial series. It just got preempted by hockey playoff action. It will run in tomorrow’s blog and then will resume its regularly scheduled Sunday spot this weekend.
²Or was it 99?

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Meet Marla

As you know, I experience great difficulty in coming up with good names for things. But when I got this smoking hot new iPod for my birthday1,2, I came up with a name rather quickly. In honour of my third annual 29th birthday, I watched Fight Club, one of my most favourite movies ever, and it became clear that my iPod could have only one name. Allow me to introduce you to Marla:

meandmarla

Since I now have about sixty trillion terabytes of space on my fancy new iPod, I added a whole bunch o’podcasts:

podcasts

But I still have fifty-nine trillion, nine hundred and ninety-nine billion, nine hundred and nintey-nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine terabytes (give or take), so if you have a favourite podcast that you think I should check out, let me know.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go print up a label with my name and phone number on it to stick onto Marla, in case she goes missing, so that whoever finds her can return her to me. And I will be printing said label on my fancy schmancy printer. Which I need to review here in blogland soon. I don’t want to spoil this upcoming printer review, but suffice it to say, I’m disappointed that the printer doesn’t attach to my vibrator.

1Along with one of those adapter thingys3 that you plug into your iPod and then you can play your iPod over the car radio, which is wicked awesome for when I’m driving to hockey games.
2Thanks again, Giver of Birthday Gifts.
3Not one of these iPod adaptor thingys.