Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


Things Fall Apart

Apparently all the things got together and decided that they should fall apart this year. You’ve already heard about my car’s clutch actuator and my kobo1 and my toilet and my mouth and my cat’s mouth. In addition to those things, the following other things decided that they too should fall apart:

  • my bathroom counter top. Specifically, the edge of it that came loose:Bathroom counterAnd before I got a chance to buy some Gorilla glue to fix it, I accidentally leaned on it and snapped that piece off. I glued it back on and since it’s on the side, I don’t think anyone will really notice (other than that I’ve now pointed it out to the whole world).
  • my bathroom floor. Specifically, the transition strip between my bathroom floor and my walk-through closet’s floor, which came loose:Transition stripGorilla glue also solved that problem.
  • my dresser. Specifically, the dresser that Kalev gave me way back when he moved to Toronto a million years ago.Kitties exploring my broken dresserOver the last little while, the drawers of the dresser started to slide less smoothly. And then the little plastic slider thingys and all their associated ball bearings started to fall out. Now only the top two drawers can actually be opened and closed without falling off their rails.In fairness to the dresser, it was from Ikea and was moved from Kalev’s place to my place in Vancouver, then to my place in Surrey, then to my first place in New West and then to my current place, which means it’s survived four more moves than can reasonably be expected from a piece of Ikea furniture. I thank it for its service. I’ve ordered a new dresser, one that will go with the rest of my bedroom set and should last me a very long time (locally made, solid wood, costs a stupid amount of money), so in 5-7 weeks I will have a new home for my clothes.
  • my kitchen cupboard door. Specifically the cupboard door that I opened the other day to retrieve something from said cupboard and then it fell completely off its hinges. Given how heavy it was and the fact that I wasn’t prepared to hold up its entire weight with my fingertips on the little handle, it dropped to the counter top beneath the cupboard, where it knocked a wine bottle that landed hard on my foot2 and it knocked over my glass of wine, so my kitchen ended up covered in red wine!
    Cabinet door fell off!

    Every time I go into the kitchen, I instinctively reach up to close the non-existent cupboard door

    Here’s the piece of the hinge on the cupboard frame:

    Broken dresser

    And here’s the piece on the cupboard door:Broken dresser

    It’s hard to tell from the pictures, but they are both a little warped, so I went and bought replacement hinges at Home Depot and I guess fixing it is on the to-do list for this weekend.

In addition to all those things, I also re-sprained my left ankle (stupidly, I was running for a Skytrain and rolled it again), which has made my right hip tight again. However, I’m attempting to learn from my previous mistakes and instead of just thinking it’s OK after a few weeks and running on it, I’ve been going to massage and physio and dutifully stretching out my hip so that it won’t continue on to bursitis again. I asked specifically requested the physio give me some ankle strengthening exercises to do, since no one gave me any the first time I sprained my ankle but clearly my ankle is wimpy and needs to do something about it.

To add injury to injury, last weekend on an easy stroll through Lighthouse Park I rolled my right ankle! It didn’t feel great for a few days, but it seems OK today (*knocks on wood*). Sigh.

Tangentially related: This sign was set up like this in my office and my new hire asked if it was indicative of the quality of the office coffee. For the record, it is.

This sign in my office does, in fact, reflect the quality of the office coffee

  1. Incidentally, I did get a new kobo, but my new kobo needs a name []
  2. Thankfully, my foot broke its fall so that the wine bottle didn’t break! []


Installing Lazy Susans: Not For the Lazy

And speaking of my kitchen, this past weekend I did something that I’ve been wanting to do for almost a year. I installed a lazy Susan in the cabinet where we keep all our baking dishes, pots, pans, and various other cooking-related do-dads. This cabinet is a corner cabinet, and it’s quite deep, meaning I can store a lot of do-dads in it. The downside of this, however, is that it was damn near impossible to find anything in the cabinet, because things were piled upon things, which were shoved in front of other things and behind other things into a giant Charley Foxtrot of situation. It had gotten to the point that anytime I needed to get a dish or a bowl or whatever out of that cabinet, I could feel my blood pressure rise as I knew it would be big pain in the butt trying to find what I needed. A few dishes were even broken in the process of trying to maneuver a dish out of the mess. There was stuff in that cabinet that I forgot I even owned because it has been so long since I’d seen it.

Moreover, the top shelf in this cabinet was slowly but surely warping and I was pretty sure it would all come crashing down one day.

Kitchen cabinet - before

The picture doesn’t really do justice to how badly the shelf was bending. It does, however, given you an idea of what a mess the contents were!

Something had to be done.

With some help from my friend Lianna, owner of Evolve {Interior} Designs, I purchased a lazy Susan – a set of rotating shelves that spin on a pole, much like a pole dancer except bearing dishes instead of stilettos. It took a fair bit of wrangling – first removing the existing shelf1, then installing the upper and lower brackets into which the pole is secured2, and finally installing the actual pole and shelves. But at the end of the day, I was able to go from this:

Kitchen cabinet - before

Kitchen cabinet - before

To this wonderful set up, where the shelves spin around to provide easy access to all the splendours that my cabinet holds:

Kitchen cabinet - after

Kitchen cabinet - after

Kitchen cabinet - after

Hooray for kitchen zen!



  1. Which Devon had to help me with because as a shorty, I had insufficient arm length to really reach the back of the shelf to unscrews the screws that where there. []
  2. Which required me to actually get entirely inside the cabinet and prop myself up on pillows while in there. And, because I don’t own a drill, I had to use all the strength I could muster to screw the screws into the wood []


Random Stuff

Apparently technology hates me again.  In addition to having no internets and no cell phone reception at home, the internets/network /all the phones at my office were down for most of the day1.  Stupid technology.

While packing up my kitchen, I discovered that I had orzo and a pleothera rice noodles.  I also have three bottles of balsamic vinegar2.  Tonight I shall make an orzo salad for dinner, and I forsee pad thai in my near future.

I am delighted with the amount of counter space in my kitchen.  I have enough counter space for my coffeemaker, kettle, Magic Bullet blender, toaster oven AND KitchenAide mixer, with room to spare!  I’m most excited about the mixer have a permenant home on the counter, as it’s way to heavy to move on a regular basis, so it’s spent the past several years stored away in a closet and I’ve been mixing things by hand like a sucker.

I also have a bigger fridge and freezer, which means I can actually find things in the freezer rather than having it jammed completely packed so that any time I want something from there, I have to unpack the whole thing.

I nearly have my first full load of dishes and anticipate an inaugural run of the  dishwasher tonight!

Now I’m off to a quick trip to the grocery store on my way home.  Tonight I intend to make that orzo salad and unpack the rest of my kitchen.  Hooray!

  1. It’s back up now, so I’m writing this after hours at the office before I go home and enter the land of incommunicado []
  2. I know that I inherited one from Kalev when he moved, but I have no idea why I had two bottles to begin with []