Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


The Truth

As a wannabe member of the O.O.T.S.S.O.E.R.A.A.A.P.*, I feel it is my duty to prove that I meet their criterion of being: “mostly in agreement with the “truth.”” The truth, as stated on their aptly titled page, the Truth, (and for those of you too lazy to click on the many, many links to the word “truth” that I am littering throughout this post) is as follows:

(In no particular order)

1. Cigarettes are bad for you.

2. Men and Women are equal.

3. Global Warming is real, and (by the way) it’s all our fault.*

4. It’s not all relative.

5. Gin is better than Whiskey. Whiskey is better than Gin.

6. Intelligent Design is wrong.

7. Over consumption is a serious problem.

8. The Millenium Development Goals are worthy*.

9. Wilco is good, sometimes exceptional, but often inconsequential.

10. Shit happens (ditto for sex).

11. Creationism is silly. (also, see 6)

12. Sloths are not purple.

13. Science, for better or for worse, is all around.

At least, this is the truth as of the time at which I am writing this posting. Suggestions to changes to the truth can be made here.

This is all part of a web experiment that you can read about here… the idea is to get The Truth site to the top of the Google search for the word truth***. When I first read about this, it was at #11 and right now it’s the 4th hit when you Google “truth.” Care to play along at home? All you have to do is link the word truth to the site:

Now, as for the truth itself, I have to say that I’m glad that u only requires that one be mostly in agreement with the truth. I’m down with #1-8, and with #10-13. I’m glad that they changed number 5 as I abhor gin****. But the one that I have a problem with is, obviously, #9. I was unfamiliar with Wilco, so, of course, I got my hands on some to check it out. And, alas, I find them neither “good” nor “exceptional”… but I can agree with the “inconsequential” part.

*I have emailed to apply for membership, but am still awaiting their decision as to whether or not I meet their strict membership regulations.**

**OK, I’m waiting for them to check their email and get around to updating their site. Update: I’m officially a member now! w00t!

***I’ve used the word truth so many times in this posting it has ceased to look like a real word to me. Isn’t that weird how that happens?

****Unless you are referring to the dog my family had when I was a baby who was named Gin (which one might believe by the capitalization of the word “Gin” in The Truth. I don’t remember Gin, as she died when I was just a baby, but apparently she absolutely loved me, which means that she was clearly an intelligent dog. Why my parents, who are both teetotallers, named their dogs “Brandy” and “Gin,” however, is one of life’s great mysteries.


Happy Chinese New Year!

As you may recall, 2006 was not my favourite year. And as you may also recall, I predicted that 2007 was going to be the best. year. ever. Well, I’m still unemployed and first month and a half of 2007 have been filled with further illnesses and deaths. So my hypothesis has been revised*… it’s actually on Chinese** New Year that everything will start to get good. I’m hoping that the “fortune tellers” are wrong on this one.

*props to Kalev for coming up with the revised hypothesis
**Also Koren New Year. Props to Jenny for telling me this. From Korea. Where she is right now.