I Am A Cyborg, Just Like My Car

I wrote this last night, but it appears that my computer messed up and didn’t post it.  So I’m posting it now.

I Am A Cyborg, Just Like My Car or IUD, Yeah You Know Me.

So, fair warning: if you aren’t interested in reading about my uterus, you may as well stop reading right now.

Now that no one is reading, I can say that today I had my IUD replaced.  And it hurts like a sunovabith. (Another fair warning: there will be swears).

I first got an IUD five years ago and I distinctly remember it being by far the most excruciatingly painful experience of my life.  In fact, at the time I thought that perhaps the way the IUD prevents pregnancy is by being so painful to insert that you think, “Holy holy holy shit. And that’s just a teeny tiny little thing. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to have a freaking human being go through my cervix! That’s it – I’m becoming a nun!”  I was told when I got that IUD that it has to be replaced every 5 years and, honestly, I’ve been dreading it ever since.  I made my appointment for today after work and it seemed like no sooner did I get to work, but it was the end of the day and time to go to my appointment!  Time flies when you are not wanting it to!

On the plus side, the doctor I went to this time did it much faster than the one who did it the first time1 so although the pain was awful, at least it was over relatively quickly.  After the insertion, they tell you to wait around for 10 minutes to make sure that you don’t faint or anything. And in those 10 minutes, although they tell you that the pain should go away, it actually got worse, and I had to lie down and wait for another about 15 minutes or so before I felt OK enough to go. They gave me some Tylenol 3, which I distinctly remember making me totally loopy when I had them after I got my wisdom teeth out, but now they seem to take the edge off the pain, but aren’t giving me any sleepiness.  Which I could really use right about now!  I tried to nap and I think I dozed off for a few minutes here and there, but mostly it’s just shifting positions to try to alleviate the cramping pain.  I feel slightly nauseated (from the pain? from the meds?) and I just want to go to sleep – I’m really hoping it will dissipate over night!

Anyway, not really much point to this posting. Just venting.  Please excuse any typos – looking at this screen isn’t helping.  Going to try to sleep.

Update: a few minutes after finishing writing that, I threw up. Hard. And I hate throwing up. I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns.  Also, throwing up makes all the little blood vessels around my eyes burst, so I have all these little purple dots on my eyelids and around my eyes2. I didn’t sleep well last night and although I felt better than yesterday, thank FSM, I still didn’t feel that great so I called in sick today so I can stay home and rest. Which seems to be helping. And now I think I’ll try to nap.

  1. and this time they had to remove the old one and then insert the new one and it still seemed faster than the first time, when they only had to insert one []
  2. petechiae as it’s known to the medical nerds []

Comments |6|

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  • It sucks to feel so crappy like that. I am with you, I hate puking too. I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.

    I wonder why it hurts so much to have an IUD put in? I have never had one (cause, well, I am a lesbian so it is not really an issue). I do, however, have to take the pill because of PCOS but I digress.

    I wonder if the insertion of an IUD and the opening of the cervix causes some hormones to be released that make you feel sick? You would probably know cause you have the PhD in science.


  • So what's an IUD?

    That's probably the most standardly boy and standardly gay thing I could say, and I know I could Google it (and yes I've figured out what it's for). But I'm wondering I guess why you'd choose it as a pregnancy prevention option if it's so painful. Granted, okay, you're only having to handle it once every five years, but it sounds pretty awful.


  • Well, it mostly feels like the uterine muscles contracting and I've heard that women sometimes puke during labour, so perhaps it's something to do with that. I hadn't thought of hormones, but that's totally possible.


  • To me pain once every five years, even extreme pain, beats screwing around with hormones + the hassle of taking a pill *every* *single* *day*. It's idiot-proof – you don't have to do anything and you get the highest level of protection of any method of birth control.


  • I barely felt them put in my IUD, but then again, I had just had a baby. And, I had them cut my strings at my last appointment, so now I don't have any IUD pain (the doctor said he had never seen strings so long). I hate throwing up too. It makes me cry. I didn't throw up during labor though. Ah, good times!


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