Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


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My friend James sent me a link to this over msn:

Do you think he’s trying to tell me that I’m the prettiest girl in the whole wide room, or definitely in the top three good looking girls on the street, depending on the street?


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Dear Girl on her Cell Phone in the Movie Theatre Bathroom,

Please note that it is not acceptable to talk on a cell phone while using the bathroom. I mean, I’m sure it was very, very important that you tell your friend/lover/parent/baby daddy “I just saw Resident Evil!” but I really do think that this could wait for 30 seconds until you are done using the facilities. Saying “I’m in the bathroom” and then flushing the toilet while on the phone – also not acceptable.


Everyone Else on the Planet.


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A while ago I wrote about my sister’s dilemma of desparately wanting an iPhone vs. being a dropper-of-all-things-valuable. Nance – read this blog posting over on Tod’s blog.


Hockey, Hockey, Hockey, Hockey

Anyone wanna take a wild guess who scored the first goal of the season for my new team at UBC? Anyone? Wild guess?

Yes, in true Beth style1, I planted myself in front of the net, waited for the good player2 to make some fancy moves and take a great shot, and then I pounced on the rebound and stuffed it in the net! Some may call it a garbage goal. I prefer to think of it as my excellent positioning saving the day! Also important is the technique of celebrating loudly and pointing in the net, just to make sure the ref sees that the puck is, in fact, in the net. This is followed by turning your back towards the ref so (s)he can clearly see your number, ensuring that you get credit for your goal (as the ref tells the scorer keeper which player scored). Refs can be lazy, so you have to make their job easier for them. Sometimes I wonder if you started celebrating and pointing into the net when I goalie actually had made the save, would they count it as a goal just because the ref wasn’t really watching and assumed you’d seen it go in when (s)he hadn’t?

After the game3, the Aggie contingent of of the team4 stopped at the 7/11 for post-game Slurpees. I had a Car Co-op minivan, which is the closest C0-op vehicle to my house, and being in a van with a bunch of hockey gear brought back memories of hockey seasons past, which often involved getting a ride home after the game in Andrew’s or Jill’s van and stopping at the 7/11 for post-game Slurpees. Mmmm, Slurpees.

Also, for the record, late night hockey games are soooo bad for screwing up your sleep schedule. Tonight’s game started at 11:15 pm and I was sooo tired before the game that all I wanted to do was go to bed. But after a game of hockey, you are so jacked up that you just can’t sleep for like 2 hours. I didn’t get home ’til almost 1:30 am, took a shower, played some Facebook Scrabulous and only now am I starting to feel like I can get to sleep. And I bet it will be very difficult to get myself out of bed in the morning. Ugh! I really hope all of our games aren’t so late!

1a.k.a., Anson Carter style. Carter used to play with the Sedin twins on the Canucks. He would also just plant himself in front of the net and wait for the good players to shoot, then pounce on the rebound. He was the leading scorer on the Canucks that year. This resulted in his being under the delusion that he is a good player, so he asked for tonnes of money in his next contract and, as punishment for being greedy and vain, he was sent to live in Ohio.

2In this case, it was an excellent offensive defenceman we have on our team. I think her name might be Sandra, but there was a lot of new people so I might have the name mixed up. For now, she’s known in my brain (and hence on my blog) as Red-Shirt-Who-May-Be-Named-Sandra.

3Which we lost 6-2. RSWMBNS scored our second goal. We were actually pleased with that score, as the other team was quite a bit better than us, with many of our players brand new to the game, and I thought they’d have twice as many goals against us.

4Which consists of myself, Kim & Sharon at the moment, although we are hoping to recruit more.


Feast or Famine Part Deux

Not unlike how I went from having no jobs to having three, I went from having no hockey team to being on two!

UBC had announced in late summer that two of the ice surfaces at the torn-down-but-being-rebuilt-for-the-Olympics Thunderbird Winter Sports Centre were ready to go and so there would be rec hockey, but only a limited number of teams could join. And, as such, only teams where the majority of players come from a single group (be it a faculty, a club, a fraternity or sorority) would be allowed to register on a first-come, first-served basis. And being that one of my three jobs is teaching at UBC, I would actually be allowed to play in the rec league1! Unfortunately, although we tried to do some recruiting, it didn’t look like we could find enough players from my old Faculty to reunite my old team and, in the meantime, I was invited to join a team that plays in Coquitlam. But now it turns out that UBC Rec let my old Faculty join up with the Faculty of Forestry, as both Faculties are very small, to make a team. So now I get to play at UBC too2!

Hopefully all this hockey means that I will be in somewhat reasonable shape to run that half marathon that I’m not training for3.

1Although I am only teaching from Jan to April, so I’m really hoping that they don’t tell me I can only play during term 2!
2Provided, of course, that they count me as a staff member for the year, even though my course doesn’t start ’til next term. Fingers crossed!!
3Weren’t you supposed to be berating me to ensure that I stick with my training program? Shame on you!


They Don’t Make It Like They Used To: My Skin

I think I’ve lost my ability to regenerate skin. I believe this happens when you get old; you just don’t heal like you used to.

The front of my right ankle is torn up from two high speed encounters of my leg + a rock on my camping/hiking trip two weekends ago. The lateral side of my right ankle bears a massive wound inflicted on me by my hockey shinpad rubbing against my ankle during my first game back after a hockey-less year.

My right knee has finally recovered, with only a slight scar remaining, from a failed attempt to tag out a runner who was trying to get back to first base after a pop fly was caught, which ended with us both in the gravel and him safe. That was at my last softball game, August 18.

I have two cuts – one on my left knee and one just below my left knee, out to the left side – which I have no idea where they came from, but they seem to be healing rather slowly as well. Below that, on my left shin, is a reminder of a battle I had with a razer blade – which the razer blade definitively won. Lateral side of my left ankle – same deal. And I’ve just now noticed two scrapes on my right calf that I have no recollection of being there before.

And scar tissue on the top of my right foot bears witness to the cut I got from wearing these shoes – an injury that occurred early in the summer and is only just now starting to fade.

Similarly, a bee (or possibly hornet or possibly wasp) sting on the medial side of my right thigh, which I scratched until it bled as it was itchy as all hell, is still visible, again well over a month later.

And now I have two fresh blisters, one on the back of each heel, from the shoes I keep insisting on wearing with the thought “Sure, they’ve given me blisters every time I’ve worn them, but I’m positive I’ve broken them in now. This time will be different.”



So I find myself typing out another quick blog posting on my beloved Palm Treo – being once again without a book (or an e-book). This time I’m at the arena, way early for my hockey game due to (a) the innate ability I have to leave early for anywhere I need to go on the assumption that travel will be awful/the bus will be late/my co-op car won’t be there/etc. only on those instances when traffic is non-existent/the bus is exactly on time/my co-op car is exactly where it should be when I get there/etc., and (b) the fact that I drive fast.

This time, I give you a list of the reasons why it’s great to be short:

  • you can fit your hockey sticks in the trunk without having to put the seat down
  • the big bruiser of a defencewomen thinks she can knock you over, but your lower centre of gravity foils her evil plan

Yup, that’s pretty much the only benefits of being short.


I’ve Got a New Love…

… or Taylor who?

Went to tonight’s Canucks v. Oilers pre-season game. A certain right-winger caught my eye all game. #27. “Who is #27?” I kept asking my friends all game, but they couldn’t read his name on the back of his jersey either, from our seats up in the nosebleeds.

But I got my answer when, with the scored tied 4-4 and only 2.5 seconds left in the game, my new beloved got a breakaway and snapped one past the goalie to win the game.

Isbister. Brad Isbister.

On my new hockey team, I’m #27. And I’m a right winger. It’s fate, right?

The only minor problem with this whole situation, which I just found out while searching for a pic of my new love, is that he happens to be inconveniently married to someone who is not me.

Thank goodness that 50% of marriages end in divorce! I’ll be waiting for you Bradley, I’ll be waiting for you.


My New Ringtone

If you have my cell phone number, you should call me, because I *love* hearing my new ringtone.

You know you are jealous!