So I get home from a lovely camping trip and discover that my internet connection is out. I’ve been internet-less for over a day because Mother Nature apparently didn’t pay her internet bill and there is no internet in the middle of the backcountry. I’m jonesing, jonesing to check my email. I can see that when my internet crapped out on me, I had 13 email messages, because I left my gmail logged in. I call Telus and they try to help over the phone. Some astute questions (i.e., is your modem cord plugged into the phone jack?) lead me to the discovery that the modem cord was knocked out of the wall when Dani was moving her boxes around (as she was here this weekend, picking up her stuff that she was storing here over the summer on her way to her internship). Unfortunately, re-plugging it in and turning the modem off and then on again does not fix the problem. How unplugging a modem can do this is beyond any reasonable comprehension. “We’ll send a technician to check the line,” says the man on the phone. “On September 15th.” “What? The 15th? When is that?? What day is it today? That’s like a whole week? I can’t be without my internet for a week!” I cry. Having been stuck on the Sea to Sky1 highway for an hour while traffic was stopped for an accident on our way home from our camping/hiking trip had already put me in a sour mood, so I just couldn’t help myself from this outburst. Just the thought of not having the internet for a week makes my blood run cold! I think I feel a seizure coming on. Why don’t you just release a gaggle of hissing wolf spiders and black widows into my place while you are at it??? So pissed off am I that I actually put a cotton swab right through my gums as I was trying to get a piece of cashew out of my lower left gum hole2,3, causing profuse bleeding but, thank heavens, only minimal pain. And now I’m writing this blog posting in Notepad, with the idea that I will go to a free-wireless coffee shop tomorrow to post it. And, having gotten this off my chest, I can then write a proper posting about my first ever camping trip, which was AWESOME!!!

Written in Notepad at my internet-unabled home on Sat night while waiting for a cab to take me out for dinner. Posted from a coffeshop on Sunday afternoon. Flying Spaghetti Monster bless wireless internets.

1Or “Sea to Die” highway, as it is also known.
2What do you call the spot where you used to have wisdom teeth, after the extraction?
3Is this too graphic?

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