Apr
6
With the BC provincial election just more than a month away, there’s been surprisingly little said about it. I haven’t heard much in the news, I haven’t seen a single lawn sign and I don’t yet even know the names of the candidates in my riding1.
So it was very much to my surprise when I arrived home today to discover not one, but *two*, packages in the mail from my local neocons-that-call-themselves-“Liberal”-party candidate:
They lose points2 with me for sending me identical packages – such a waste of paper! – and even more points for addressing one of those packages to me with my ex-husband’s last name. Double ick!
However. You may remember from the federal election campaign that I have a penchant for destroying Conservative* brochures. So double packages of brochures means double the destructive fun!
To recap, I have used the following methods to destroy, or attempt to destroy, Conservative* election brochures in the past: shredding, burning, burning while doused in rubbing alcohol, soaking in vinegar. I’m now taking suggestions for methods by which to destroy these BC (Not-In-Any-Way-)Liberals brochures. I’ll pick the two best (feasible) methods of destruction and use them, recording the results for your enjoyment.
Let the suggestions begin…
1I figure I have enough time to find out who they are and what they stand for now that I have a bit more free time.
2Who am I kidding? As if they had any points to lose with me!3
3So now they are even more in the negative with me than they were before4.
4What is less than negative infinity anyway?
Oct
7
As promised, I let the brochure of evil soak in vinegar1 – and not just overnight, but for a full 24 hrs!
And you know what? It didn’t look much different than before I put it in the vinegar! But apparently the vinegar did some work on degrading the fibres of evil, of which this brochure is clearly made, as when I picked it up it ripped apart very easily, making it simple to shred into bits and crumple up into this soggy clump of evil:
And that, my friends, is that end of that brochure.
I wonder if they’ll send me another one?
1Oh for the days when I worked in a lab with concentrated acids!
Oct
6
… perhaps they heard that I no longer had the first one and felt that I needed another.
This time, I figured I would burn it:
Burn FAIL! The damn brochure, which one would think was made of paper, wouldn’t burn.
So I decided to try again, this time with a little help from our old friend, rubbing alcohol1:
As you can see, the heat of the flames was overwhelming! But guess what happened:
That’s right, the rubbing alcohol burned away, leaving the paper virtually unscathed!! My best theory on why this is so is that these brochures are made by the spawn of Satan in the 7th layer of Hell, and thus must be constructed from flame resistant materials.
As I type this, the brochure is now sitting in a pan full of vinegar, where it will stay overnight:
Tomorrow, we’ll see how it looks.
1Me moving the bottle back and forth is my unsuccessful attempt to get my lame ass camera to focus on the rubbing alcohol label. Focus FAIL!