Not To Be Trusted With Knives

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Wanted: Method of Destruction

With the BC provincial election just more than a month away, there’s been surprisingly little said about it. I haven’t heard much in the news, I haven’t seen a single lawn sign and I don’t yet even know the names of the candidates in my riding1.

So it was very much to my surprise when I arrived home today to discover not one, but *two*, packages in the mail from my local neocons-that-call-themselves-“Liberal”-party candidate:

icky by you.

They lose points2 with me for sending me identical packages – such a waste of paper! – and even more points for addressing one of those packages to me with my ex-husband’s last name. Double ick!

However. You may remember from the federal election campaign that I have a penchant for destroying Conservative* brochures. So double packages of brochures means double the destructive fun!

To recap, I have used the following methods to destroy, or attempt to destroy, Conservative* election brochures in the past: shredding, burning, burning while doused in rubbing alcohol, soaking in vinegar.  I’m now taking suggestions for methods by which to destroy these BC (Not-In-Any-Way-)Liberals brochures.  I’ll pick the two best (feasible) methods of destruction and use them, recording the results for your enjoyment.

Let the suggestions begin…

1I figure I have enough time to find out who they are and what they stand for now that I have a bit more free time.

2Who am I kidding? As if they had any points to lose with me!3

3So now they are even more in the negative with me than they were before4.

4What is less than negative infinity anyway?

5 Responses to Wanted: Method of Destruction

  1. Shihtzustaff says:

    Use them to line a cat litter box. If you don’t have a cat, find someone who does.

    Shihtzustaff’s last blog post..What would it take?

  2. Kalev says:

    Less than negative infinity is how much I care about the take-home final I’m currently writing.

    I think they should be destroyed simply for calling you “Mary.” You are “Mary” like I am “Eduardo,” which is to say not at all.

    Is there any way you can sneak one of them aboard the frickin-resurrected-yet-again nasty fireworks barges and obliterate one that way? Because that would be fitting, somehow.

    Another thing you could do is put one in the Little Mountain housing development so that when the BC Liberals* let social housing be destroyed for market housing, their disgusting campaign literature is also destroyed.

    Barring that, it’s time to get/borrow/steal a blowtorch.

  3. Dave says:

    Freeze them in carbonite and sell them to Jabba!

    Dave’s last blog post..Almost The Third Month

  4. jody says:

    blenderize

  5. Beth says:

    Awesome suggestion! It will be just like the show: Will It Blend?

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