Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese

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The Blog Spammers Made Me Do it

For a while there, a lot of blog comment spam was getting through my spam filters.  Some were getting through the filters completely and showing up on my blog and more were showing up in the “hmm, we aren’t sure if this is spam or not, so please moderate” folder.  I’m talking 5, sometimes 10 or 12 spam comments PER DAY. I know for big time bloggers this seems like small potatoes, but considering that I get about 5 actual blog comments PER WEEK – on a good week – well, it’s a rather ridiculous amount of spam for me.  And super annoying to have to deal with.  Having to sift through comments every day trying to find the real stuff in the midst of all the viagra and piano spam1 was driving me nuts!

Of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t share the ridiculousness of some of these blog comments with you:

First off, blog comment spammers think that if they compliment you, you won’t be able to tell that it’s spam. You know, despite the horrific typos and grammar errors and the fact that they include a link to cheap places to get V1agra.

Case in point: “How you can write this great post by your mind, This is a best post I can see in this year, Thank for great post and I will see more your post in next time.”

Or how about “Nice looking blog you have here. The theme is awesome, great color combination.” Yes, because no one has *ever* thought of putting red and white together before.

Of course, since they are spammers, they haven’t actually read any postings and so sometimes they end up out on a limb with their comments. For example, I received this comment on my blog posting about my Junk Drawer: “Nice fill someone in on and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you for your information. ” Because colleges are totally giving out assignment about how I store my sundry items.

Another comment about my Junk Drawer: “Hey there! Excellent thought, but could this actually function?” Why yes, I do believe that a drawer filled with junk can function as a “junk drawer.”

My posting asking for recommendations for a good moisturizer elicited this response: “You are soooo talented in writing. God is really using you in miraculous methods.” I always thought I was a miracle.

Apparently my blog posting about moving to Surrey contains ” :O So mush Info :O” As well, someone else commented on that posting declared: “I’ve been lurking on all sides this forum in perspicacity to the sink of a while – so I figured I’d be addicted up forwards and gesticulation up. How is everyone?” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

In response to my whining about my spam infestation problem on The Twitter, several people suggested I try out the reCAPTCHA plugin.  reCAPTCHA is one of those annoying features where you have to type in the fuzzy words you see on your screen to prove you are not a robot before you are allowed to comment on my blog.  And I know that it’s annoying to have to do that, but apparently I’d rather you be annoyed by having to type in the reCAPTCHA than me being annoyed by having spam comments all over my blog.  If it makes you feel any better, though, every time you type a reCAPTCHA, you are helping to digitize books, newspapers and old timey radio play scripts2.  Seriously.  By filling in those reCAPTCHA things, you are adding to the digital archive of human knowledge!  Plus, reCAPTCHA has the potential to provide such amusement as:

committed anus reCAPTCHA

So, yeah, I’m sorry that I’m making you type in reCAPTCHAs to comment on my blog.  But the blog spammers made me do it!

Image Credit: Hilarious reCAPTCHA imaged posted by sermoa on Flickr.

  1. Seriously. I get a lot of piano selling spam.  Yeah, I have no idea why either []
  2. I heart old timey radio plays.  The Shadow FTW!! []

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To the spammer who left this comment on my blog

Hi,

visit my blog: [redacted URL]
no spam!!!! if you report my blog at my hoster, you will die!!!!

please visit us!!

Two things:

(a) If you don’t want to be reported as a spammer to your “hoster,” maybe don’t spam people’s blogs?

(b) Threats of death – not the best way to get people on your side.

Also, scammer pretending to be the “Bank of Montreal”:

(a) I do not now have, nor ever have I had, an account with Bank of Montreal. So telling me that someone is trying to get into my BMO account is not going to scare me into clicking your link.

(b) Also, your link (which I can see when I hover my mouse over the link without having to click it) is to a site in Germany. I’m pretty sure that the Bank of MONTREAL is not in Germany.

(c) Though admittedly I have never had an account with BMO, I highly doubt that they’d use the grammatically incorrect email subject line: “you got 1 new message”

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Spam of the Day

Just got this spam in my work email:

I AM A SEAMAN SEEKING YOUR CONSENT TO TRANSFER MY COMMISSION OF ($25,5M) TO YOU FOR SAFE KEEP.I SHALL COMPENSATE YOU WITH 40% OF THIS FUND, WHEN RECEIVED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT, SEND YOUR FULL NAMES,PHONE NUMBERS.AND CONTACT ADDRESS FOR PROCESSING OF THE FUND IN YOUR NAME BY THE OIL COMPANY

SINCERELY YOURS

KARL NEWE

Tee hee. He said “seaman.”