Not To Be Trusted With Knives

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The Blog Spammers Made Me Do it

For a while there, a lot of blog comment spam was getting through my spam filters.  Some were getting through the filters completely and showing up on my blog and more were showing up in the “hmm, we aren’t sure if this is spam or not, so please moderate” folder.  I’m talking 5, sometimes 10 or 12 spam comments PER DAY. I know for big time bloggers this seems like small potatoes, but considering that I get about 5 actual blog comments PER WEEK – on a good week – well, it’s a rather ridiculous amount of spam for me.  And super annoying to have to deal with.  Having to sift through comments every day trying to find the real stuff in the midst of all the viagra and piano spam1 was driving me nuts!

Of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t share the ridiculousness of some of these blog comments with you:

First off, blog comment spammers think that if they compliment you, you won’t be able to tell that it’s spam. You know, despite the horrific typos and grammar errors and the fact that they include a link to cheap places to get V1agra.

Case in point: “How you can write this great post by your mind, This is a best post I can see in this year, Thank for great post and I will see more your post in next time.”

Or how about “Nice looking blog you have here. The theme is awesome, great color combination.” Yes, because no one has *ever* thought of putting red and white together before.

Of course, since they are spammers, they haven’t actually read any postings and so sometimes they end up out on a limb with their comments. For example, I received this comment on my blog posting about my Junk Drawer: “Nice fill someone in on and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you for your information. ” Because colleges are totally giving out assignment about how I store my sundry items.

Another comment about my Junk Drawer: “Hey there! Excellent thought, but could this actually function?” Why yes, I do believe that a drawer filled with junk can function as a “junk drawer.”

My posting asking for recommendations for a good moisturizer elicited this response: “You are soooo talented in writing. God is really using you in miraculous methods.” I always thought I was a miracle.

Apparently my blog posting about moving to Surrey contains ” :O So mush Info :O” As well, someone else commented on that posting declared: “I’ve been lurking on all sides this forum in perspicacity to the sink of a while – so I figured I’d be addicted up forwards and gesticulation up. How is everyone?” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

In response to my whining about my spam infestation problem on The Twitter, several people suggested I try out the reCAPTCHA plugin.  reCAPTCHA is one of those annoying features where you have to type in the fuzzy words you see on your screen to prove you are not a robot before you are allowed to comment on my blog.  And I know that it’s annoying to have to do that, but apparently I’d rather you be annoyed by having to type in the reCAPTCHA than me being annoyed by having spam comments all over my blog.  If it makes you feel any better, though, every time you type a reCAPTCHA, you are helping to digitize books, newspapers and old timey radio play scripts2.  Seriously.  By filling in those reCAPTCHA things, you are adding to the digital archive of human knowledge!  Plus, reCAPTCHA has the potential to provide such amusement as:

committed anus reCAPTCHA

So, yeah, I’m sorry that I’m making you type in reCAPTCHAs to comment on my blog.  But the blog spammers made me do it!

Image Credit: Hilarious reCAPTCHA imaged posted by sermoa on Flickr.

  1. Seriously. I get a lot of piano selling spam.  Yeah, I have no idea why either []
  2. I heart old timey radio plays.  The Shadow FTW!! []

7 Responses to The Blog Spammers Made Me Do it

  1. With me it’s guitars they’re hawking.

    I’ve got a bookmark to the comment admin page on my bookmark toolbar. Right next to by Facebook link. Easy peasy to look at a couple of times a day.

    CAPCTCHA is infinitely better than “registration”, though. That shit will kill the communication.

  2. Kalev Hunt says:

    Ah… it’s true! I can skip reCAPTCHAs if I’m logged in.

    I’m VERY mad at IntenseDebate, who refuse to add reCAPTCHA to their plug-in because apparently serious spammers will pay people in less fortunate economic circumstances to type in reCAPTCHAs all day long.

    Me (and several others) have been trying to tell them that however much this might be the case, and however much spam prevention should be content-based, reCAPTCHA stops spam that Akismet is letting through (definitely a lot in the case of your blog!), so they need to pull their heads out of their asses and start being practical, the fuckheads.

    Also, you are a miracle. Like, it’s a miracle you can take care of yourself and not end up killing yourself on a regular basis–or destroying the world, really. 😛 I would feel bad about insulting you but I know you won’t remember this comment owing to your lousy memory.

    (Sorry… I have to catch my breath because I’m laughing so hard.)

    As for putting red and white together, hey! Don’t mock the Swiss!

  3. Demonweed says:

    Merry tidings. You’re blog is most superlative. I have seldom seen righting such as here. I will read more of blog when permit time. Its ashame spammers have troubled your online place, but now you have protection most fortified. Keep good the workup, and take care as you face the many tomorrows.

  4. Beth says:

    @Demonweed – LOL LOL LOL!!! Are you a spammer in your spare time?? That was *perfect*!

    @Jan – Yeah, having to register on a blog before you can comment is the worst! There is many a blog comment that I’ve forgone because I wasn’t willing to register. I mean, seriously, do I really need to remember yet *another* username and password?

    @Kalev – I was going to reply to your insult, but I forget what it was.

  5. Demonweed says:

    I have written much less this year than I’d like. Feeling the impulse for a little literary experiment, I had to act on it. Alas, if Engrish is my natural forte, I may have trouble marketing my best material. Perhaps I should begin a play about overambitious yet unqualified workers in a foreign airport tasked with producing the English language signage. *ponder*

  6. Since I switched my blog over to Movable Type from Blogger at the beginning of the month, I’ve been moderating all the comments that come in, and have found that the combination of TypePad Anti-Spam and Akismet (which you add as a plugin) is pretty good at catching almost all the comment spam coming in.

    But boy, does that faux-friendly “Hey dude, what a great blog” stuff grate on my nerves. It makes me nostalgic for the old lists of links to male enhancement products.

    I haven’t yet needed to add a CAPTCHA, but may eventually. But so far the problem is under decent control.

    I’ve even done something a bit odd on occasion: very rarely, a spam comment actually makes a semi-relevant point or asks a valid question (by chance, I guess), so I’ll let it through, but first I’ll strip out any email addresses, links, or mentions of what they’re trying to sell — making it entirely useless to its perpetrator. Then I’ll answer the question.

    I don’t know why, but I get a perverse satisfaction in stymying their intent while still publishing their comment.

  7. Beth says:

    TypePad Anti-Spam must be really good! I had the Akismet plugin, but so much spam was getting through. And I can totally understand the perverse satisfaction you get from stymying the spams’ intent but using their content! hee hee!

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