Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


Hockey Pool, Week 8 – Half-Way!

Due to the shortened NHL season this year, week 8 marks the halfway point1. I’ve continued to be a delinquent, in that I have yet to change my picks this year (eep!) and it’s really showing in the results. Speaking of which, here they are. First up, the points for the week:

hockey pool 2013 - week 8 points

Some people got lots of points. Others (such as me), not so much.

Next, the time trend analysis:

hockey pool 2013 - week 8

To me, this continues to look like a pile of spaghetti, though you can see that Sugar Scientist and Mod Scientist continue to battle for top spot, with Lava and Raj not far behind. Of course, there’s still half a season to go, so really, this could still be anyone’s game!

  1. Props to chall for bringing this milestone to my attention in her update posting last week []


Hockey pool, week 3

Hey, remember that time I joined this year’s hockey pool? I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t – looking at the pictures of my team of uggoes is something that I imagine most people would try to shut out from their memory. *shudder*

Anyway, as I’m sure you remember, I’m generally pretty delinquent when it comes to the hockey pool. I make my picks at the start of the season and rather than switching my picks each week based on player’s performances and other relevant data, I tend to just let my picks ride. This year I’ve been even more delinquent than usual – in fact, despite week 3 of the hockey season having just ended, I am just now watching a Canucks game for the first time all season1! So, basically, I’m watching the game as I write this – so please excuse the typos that will likely result from my attempt at multi-tasking!

First up, here’s a shiny bar chart of everyone’s points this week:

Hockey Pool Points

Clearly, having “Scientist” as your last name was a good strategic this week, with Mod Scientist and Sugar Scientist leading the pack in week 3, with Lavaland close behind. My personal strategy of doing nothing seems to be working out OK for me, as I’ve been consistently moving up – I was 9th in the first week, 8th in week 2 and came in a respectable 4th for points in week 3. Last week’s winner, Gerty-Z, had quite a fall from grace, dropping to second-from-last in points for this week. Just goes to show that anything can happen from week to week!

Turning now to the overall points, the graph, at this point, looks like a pile of spaghetti:

Hockey Pool Points


Though we do see that Sugar Scientist has held onto top spot for overall points since week 1 and there appears to be a group of 2 (Bam294 and Gen Repair) breaking away at the bottom in the race for the title of “most efficient” (i.e., the most efficient player is the one who gets by on the least amount of points).

Looking forward to see how things go in week 4!

  1. The hockey pool is full of bloggers and we each take turns doing the weekly update on our blogs. I signed up for doing this week’s hockey pool and as I was thinking, “I should probably write my blog posting,” I then immediately thought, “Oh yeah, hockey! It’s Saturday night. Don’t they usually play hockey games on this night? A hockey night, if you will? I should turn on the TV and check that out!” We are at Devon’s parents’ place on the Island and they, unlike us, have cable, so I actually can watch the game. []


Team Uggoe

So, it appears that millionaires and the billionaires have decided how to split up their gazillions of dollars and so we have an (albeit shortened) NHL hockey season upon us. This can only mean one thing: Cath is running the VWXPool! hockey pool again!

As I procrastinated on actually sitting down to make my picks1, I contemplated how to approach the pool. As you know, last year, as in previous hockey pools I’ve been in, I decided to go with a team of hockey hotties. And we all know how that turned out2. I asked The Twitter for its opinion:

hockey pool tweet

but the only response I got was from Cath, who is surely not an objective advisor on the matter3:

hockey pool twitter reply

And then the answer hit me – if my team of hockey hotties does terribly, I need to do the opposite and pick a team of only ugly players4 It’s so obvious, really. I don’t know how I didn’t see this before!

And with that, I give you my picks for this week – a.k.a., Team Uggoe. Be warned: this isn’t pretty.
Evengi Malkin (centreman, Pittsburgh Penguins):

Henrik Sedin5 (centre, Vancouver Canucks. He’s the one on the right.):

Phil Kessel6 (right wing, Toronto Maple Leafs):

Cal Clutterbuck ((He looks like an evil villain, don’t you think?)) (right wing, Minnesota Wild):

Drew Miller7 (left wing , Detroit Red Wings).

Michal Handzus (centreman, San Jose):

Zdeno Chara (defenceman, Boston Bruins):

Dustin Byfuglien (defenceman, Winnipeg Jets):

Mark Streit (defenceman, NY Islanders):

Kimmo Timonen (defenceman, NY Islanders):

Marc Andre Fleury (goalie, Pittsburgh Penguins):

Antti Niemi (goalie, San Jose Sharks):


The guy I really wanted for Team Uggoe, but who is listed as injured, so I didn’t pick him was Brent Burns a.k.a. Chewbacca (defenceman, San Jose Sharks):

Props to Cath for bringing the above Chewbaaca picture to my attention, which lead me to the following:

So there you have Team Uggoe. Let’s hope that they can bring me more points than my hotties ever did!

  1. Though I did get them done last night – with more than 12 hours to spare before the deadline! []
  2. i.e., not very good for me. []
  3. Given her vested interest in wanting to win the pool herself. []
  4. Don’t worry about the hotties though. I’m sure we can find other, um, uses for them. []
  5. I originally tried to get both Sedins and put this picture into my posting, but then I realized that I couldn’t afford both Sedins within the salary cap, but I’m too lazy to find another picture. Also, including a photo with both of them allows for extra uggoe-ness. []
  6. My dad *really* wanted me to put Kessel on my team last year, but I wouldn’t because only hotties were allowed on the team. I wish my dad could see that I’ve finally granted his request. []
  7. Admittedly, he’s not the ugliest person ever, but I needed to find a player that only cost me 1 point, as that was all I could afford within the salary cap and I was getting bored of looking at photos to find the ugliest guys. He’s like Ugly Lite. []


Hockey Pool Update – Weeks 23 and 24

So apparently, just like I did with having a blog, I have been completely ignoring the fact that I’m in a hockey pool.1 So let’s see how were are doing with that, shall we? (Note that since no one did a week 23 update, I’m doing a double update for weeks 23 *and* 24! And I’m only 6 days late with it! w00t!)

hockey pool weeks 23 and 24

We can clearly see that there are two distinct groups in this pool, as has been mentioning in previous postings by my fellow poolmates (which, of course, I can’t seem to find the links to2). Cath is in the lead of the top group, followed by Modscientist and Richardipus (pretty much tied in second place), followed closely by Lavaland.

Group 2 is being led by Gery, then Scientist Mother and Chall. Myself and Mr. E-Man are threatening to break off as a third group, and Bob is holding tightly the prize for most efficient (i.e., the one who can get through the pool on the smallest number of points).

And then, just because the data for all the previous weeks of the pool was sitting there in a handy little spreadsheet when I went to write this posting, I couldn’t resist making a graph from the beginning:

hockey pool all week

  1. I’m something of a gong show lately, what with school and death and travelling and moving and whatnot lately. Do you like how I just threw “death” in there with that other stuff all nonchalant-like? Gong. Show. I’m hoping that life will start to become manageable in April, when I get an extra weekend off – and a long weekend to boot! []
  2. Did I mention that I’m a gong show lately? []


Hockey Pool, Week 9

So it’s my week to do the update on the hockey pool that I’m in. I really wished that I’d volunteered to do the Week 7 update, where I reigned supreme! Instead, I’m doing the update on this past week, so I get to report on how sucktastic I am. But since it’s not all about me, let’s look at the graphs, shall we?

Hockey Pool - Week 9Figure 1: Week 9 points

As seen in Figure 1,  Cath and Bob did some butt kicking this week, followed closely by dreamsandhope, Lava, and Modscientist, and then Gerty. Me, Richardipus, and Scientist Mother did significantly worse than the others, with the notable exception of arkmennis, who is sadly, sadly at the end of the graph there.

Hockey Pool - Week 9 - Line graph

Figure 2: Change in point totals from week 8 to week 9.

Looking at the overall standings, Dreamsandhope, Richardipus, and Lava are in a three-way1 tie for first overall (287 points), followed closely by Modscientist (285 points). Cath is in fifth place (281 points), followed by Gerty & ScientistMother (272 points each), and then Bob (268 points). As you can see from the graph, arkmennis (248 points) and I (254 points) are breaking away from the pack in a race for the bottom. He and I are clearly able to get by on much fewer points than everyone else, so I think it’s pretty obvious that we are just much more efficient that our competitors.

It appears that my strategy of forgetting to update my team each week is not doing me much good2 – so I actually tweaked my lineup for week 10. Here’s hoping!

  1. Three-way. Tee hee. []
  2. With the exception of week 7 where I changed nothing and won the week, but I was in Montreal at the time, and Montreal is a hockey mecca, so I think that’s why the hockey gods smiled upon me. []


Hockey Pool Week 4: Time To Clean House

I’ve been incredibly lazy in my hockey pool and haven’t changed my picks since the first week. And I’ve suffered the consequences, as I now sit in last place in my pool! *hangs head in shame*

So I decided that it was time to shake things up, which meant I had to actually look at my list and see who was underperforming and who I should replace them with, which, of course, meant I had to make a spreadsheet1. And after this in depth analysis, I made the following changes to my roster.

Kicked Off The Team

  • Benoit Pouliot
  • Dustin Brown2
  • Shea Weber
  • Brent Seabrook
  • Victor Hedman3
  • Carey Price

New Recruits

I should point out that I have adapted my definition of “hottie” for the purposes of this pool. If I can find just one photo of a player on the Internet in which they look hot, they now qualify as a hottie4.

Thomas Vanek

Ryan Nugent-Hopkins

I scouted out Ryan as a hottie in my analysis of the new draftees earlier this year, and while I realize his good numbers have a lot to do with the hat trick he got against the Canucks, I decided to take a gamble on him that he’ll keep playing this well – and that he won’t get sent down to the minors for development.

Erik Karlsson

Christian Erhoff

Former Canuck. Current hottie.

Sheldon Souray

Kari Lehtonen

Here’s hoping the new recruits bring me up from my sad little last place existence!

  1. I do love a good spreadsheet. []
  2. Although Dustin actually has more points than Alex Burrows, who I’m keeping, Alex in my only Canuck. []
  3. Probably the hottest guy on my team, but just not performing at the actual hockey playing part. []
  4. As opposed to my previous definition where they had to look hot in most of their photos on the Internet. []


My Week 1 Hotties

Since the NHL regular season starts tonight (huzzah!), I had to pick my players for Cath’s fantasy hockey pool last night. The pool is a little different than the one I was in last year, where there was a draft and then that was your team for the whole year. In the pool I’m in now, the rules are a little more complicated.

The Rules

  • We are required to pick: 6 forwards, 4 defencemen, 2 goalies
  • You pick 3 “star” players (1 of your forwards, 1 of your defencemen, and 1 of your goalies). For those three players, you get double points for all the points they score for you (based on goals/assists for forwards and D-men, and wins/shutouts for goalies).
  • Each player is assigned a point value (1-4) based on how good they are predicted to be and the “salary cap” for your team is 30 points.
  • You can change your picks every week.
All this means that I not only have to pick a bunch of hotties, but I have to pay attention to such things as which teams is playing which other team in any given week, which hotties are on hot streaks and which ones are not. On the plus side, this is a reason to think about my hotties more often than usual!

Anyhoo, I decided that I should probably make a list of hotties from which to draw. I started by going through the leading scorers from last season, picking out the hotties, which gave me the following list to start from (format: name – team – position – # points last year):

  • Martin St. Louis – Tampa Bay – right wing – 99 points
  • Jarome Iginla – Calgary – right wing – 86 points
  • Brad Richards – Dallas – centre – 77 points
  • Jonathan Toews – Chicago – centre – 76 points
  • Ryan Kesler ((I don’t actually find Kesler’s face all that attractive, but those abs alone make him a hottie!  In fact, I wanted to just pick “Ryan Kesler’s abs,” but that doesn’t seem to be an option.)) – Vancouver – centre – 73 points
  • Patrick Kane – Chicago – centre – 73 points
  • Ryane Clowe – San Jose -left wing – 62 points
  • Mikko Koivu – Minnesota – centre – 62 points
  • Dustin Brown – LA – right wing – 57  points
  • Devin Setoguchi – Minnesota – right wing – 41 points1
This didn’t give me very many defenceman, so I had to go further down the list to get some of them:
  • Kris Letang – Pittsburgh – defence – 50 points
  • Shea Weber2 – Nashville – defence – 48 points
  • Brent Seabrook – Chicago – defence – 48 points
  • Alex Pietrangelo – St. Louis – defence – 43 points

From this list, I went onto the hockey pool website and made some choices. I had to do some juggling because of the stupid salary cap, but this is what I ultimately ended up with for this week:

Week 1 Hockey Hotties Picks

And now in photographic form:


Martin St. Louis

Brad Richards

Brad Richards

Dustin Brown by nicholeglaze

Dustin Brown

Jonathan Toews by dtkindler

Jonathan Toews

Alex Burrows


Benoit Pouliot

080228 Kris Letang by Dan4th

Kris Letang

Shea Weber

Brent Seabrook

Victor Hedman

20100206 Pekka unmasked

Pekka Rinne


Carey Price

  1. he’s not at the top, but I had to include him as a possibility ‘cuz he’s so damn cute! []
  2. Only hot sans beard. []


Hockey Hotties 2011/12- Your Suggestions Needed!

Yes folks, it’s that time of year again. Time to pick hotties for my fantasy hockey team! This year I’m joining Cath’s Hockey Pool where, apparently, I have to pick a fresh batch of hotties every week. Which I’ve only just realized is a lot more work than just picking a pile of hotties and then ignoring my team for the rest of the season, as I usually do in hockey pools. It also means that I need to select a large roster of hotties from which to choose each week, based on which teams are playing who, and which hotties are injured or on a hot streak (in the hockey-playing sense) in any given week.

As in the past, I’m going to start with my previous lists of hockey hotties (see herehereherehere, here and here), but will do my due diligence to look up their most recent stats as well as search for other potential hotties. And this, my friends, is where you come in. Please provide your suggestions for potential hotties in the comments section. I do, of course, reserve the right to be the arbiter of hotness for my team, but all suggestions are welcome and I will judge them accordingly.

In the meantime, let’s all ogle Scottie Upshall: