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Team Uggoe

So, it appears that millionaires and the billionaires have decided how to split up their gazillions of dollars and so we have an (albeit shortened) NHL hockey season upon us. This can only mean one thing: Cath is running the VWXPool! hockey pool again!

As I procrastinated on actually sitting down to make my picks1, I contemplated how to approach the pool. As you know, last year, as in previous hockey pools I’ve been in, I decided to go with a team of hockey hotties. And we all know how that turned out2. I asked The Twitter for its opinion:

hockey pool tweet

but the only response I got was from Cath, who is surely not an objective advisor on the matter3:

hockey pool twitter reply

And then the answer hit me – if my team of hockey hotties does terribly, I need to do the opposite and pick a team of only ugly players4 It’s so obvious, really. I don’t know how I didn’t see this before!

And with that, I give you my picks for this week – a.k.a., Team Uggoe. Be warned: this isn’t pretty.
Evengi Malkin (centreman, Pittsburgh Penguins):

Henrik Sedin5 (centre, Vancouver Canucks. He’s the one on the right.):

Phil Kessel6 (right wing, Toronto Maple Leafs):

Cal Clutterbuck ((He looks like an evil villain, don’t you think?)) (right wing, Minnesota Wild):

Drew Miller7 (left wing , Detroit Red Wings).

Michal Handzus (centreman, San Jose):

Zdeno Chara (defenceman, Boston Bruins):

Dustin Byfuglien (defenceman, Winnipeg Jets):

Mark Streit (defenceman, NY Islanders):

Kimmo Timonen (defenceman, NY Islanders):

Marc Andre Fleury (goalie, Pittsburgh Penguins):

Antti Niemi (goalie, San Jose Sharks):

 

The guy I really wanted for Team Uggoe, but who is listed as injured, so I didn’t pick him was Brent Burns a.k.a. Chewbacca (defenceman, San Jose Sharks):

Props to Cath for bringing the above Chewbaaca picture to my attention, which lead me to the following:

So there you have Team Uggoe. Let’s hope that they can bring me more points than my hotties ever did!

  1. Though I did get them done last night – with more than 12 hours to spare before the deadline! []
  2. i.e., not very good for me. []
  3. Given her vested interest in wanting to win the pool herself. []
  4. Don’t worry about the hotties though. I’m sure we can find other, um, uses for them. []
  5. I originally tried to get both Sedins and put this picture into my posting, but then I realized that I couldn’t afford both Sedins within the salary cap, but I’m too lazy to find another picture. Also, including a photo with both of them allows for extra uggoe-ness. []
  6. My dad *really* wanted me to put Kessel on my team last year, but I wouldn’t because only hotties were allowed on the team. I wish my dad could see that I’ve finally granted his request. []
  7. Admittedly, he’s not the ugliest person ever, but I needed to find a player that only cost me 1 point, as that was all I could afford within the salary cap and I was getting bored of looking at photos to find the ugliest guys. He’s like Ugly Lite. []

5 Responses to Team Uggoe

  1. 1) I’m disappointed you didn’t go for Team Hockey P0 rn: Legwand, Clitsome, and, um. Burrows? etc.

    2) Yet again, we have proof that you and I have very different taste in men. I agree that some of these players are indeed Not Very Handsome (hello, Byfuglien, Clutterbuck and Chara in particular!), but I’m not really seeing what’s wrong with Miller, Handzus or Streit. I mean, none of them is Hugh Jackman, but none of them is Gollum, either. Even Burns would be quite adorable if he shaved his beard off – what a nice smile!

    I have to go now because Mr E Man is getting antsy – we have to buy beer and a dessert before getting to our friends’ place to watch the Canucks game. He didn’t seem to quite believe me when I said I was writing you a very important and urgent comment.

  2. Beth says:

    Men – they just don’t understand what’s important and urgent when it comes to hockey.

    And seriously – you don’t see what’s wrong with Handzus? I think he’s the ugliest guy on the whole team! I agree that Miller is not truly hideous, but it took me sooo long to go through the players, looking first at their points from last year, then eliminating the non-uglies, then looking at how many games they play this week, and only then realizing I was way over the salary cap and I had to throw about some of my stars and pick up a few 1 pointers. I honestly just got bored and grabbed Miller to be done with. (In fact, when I just looked at my picks to finish up this blog posting, I thought “who the hell is Drew Miller? Did I actually pick him?)

  3. From this one picture (I’d never heard of him before), it looks to me like he’d be absolutely fine and normal without the hair. And beard. And helmet.

  4. OK, I just did an image search for Handzus and as a result I now concur with your selection.

  5. Beth says:

    I’m sorry you had to look at all that. *shudder*

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