Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese

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My favourite Tweets of 2017

It’s been a year since the last time that I shared my favourite tweets with you – so here are my favourite tweets for 2017! I’ve put them into a few categories (so, for example, if you aren’t interested in politics, you can skip the political ones), and added a few comments to provide context for some of them. Otherwise, they are in somewhat of a random order.

Cat tweets:

Cinnamon roll cat

Istanbul cat

Cat logic

This one was posted on the first work day after the 2016 holiday season:cat butlers

cat marking

how was your day?

cat sisters

cat logic - food

cat vs grantwriting

cats are awesome

if it fits

cat tweet

cats on sheep

purmaid

Egg cat

cat falling off a table

angry cat

reading with cats

Helfpul cats

Mondays

cat statues

Nerdy tweets:

Santa math

Achievement Unlocked

dunning-kruger club

social construction of time

serenity

pi day

Epigenetics Spice

clever student

knowledge, wisdom, philosophy

Academic Halloween p value

Academic Halloween

unsuccessful self-treatment of writer's block

for the herd

Political tweets (American politics):

the future liberals want

Never Moore

Any Functioning Adult 2020

After Trump’s White House made a rule that women that work there have to “dress like a woman”:

dress like a woman

dress like a woman 2

dress like a woman 3

perfect score

looking for the real killer

FBI

job creation

fake president

Hoping not

Scooby Doo villian

Millennials Are Killing The Racist Statue Industry

more Pokemon than white supremacists

the sun never went out

perspective

As a Daughter of a Father

Political tweets (BC provincial election):

BC poli

all the votes

blue BC

Better BC

Local tweets:

On Oct 25, there was a traffic nightmare in the Lower Mainland, with a fire on the Patullo bridge and major accidents on other bridges and one of the highways. Despite the fact that I didn’t need to cross any of those bridges nor drive on that highway, all the people who would normally use that routes ended up on the route I take home from my work – my usual 30 minute drive to more than 2 hours! Hence this tweet made me laugh:

EVERYWHERE!

The big W art piece referenced in this tweet by the New West mayor is made of shipping containers:

not to scale

This from a sandwich shop across the street from me. They heard Liam Neeson was in town, so they put out a chalkboard sign to attracted him. To their surprise, it worked:

Liam Neeson Eats Here for Free

The mayor replied with this:

no free sandwiches for mayors

Does your mayor ever referee professional wrestling matches in a mall? Mine does:Mayor Ref

My own tweets:

international symbol for sexist bullshit

histper Quatchi

hockey stick

A KFC romance novel

science craftsperson

I went to my first ever lacrosse game, which prompted these two tweets:

Lacrosse 1

lacrosse 2

spam

Rorschach test

EHR

how's the pot situation

how to Fahrenheit

spam

Tweets that I found amusing that don’t fit into the other categories:

child of wealthy parents

regret

Clue movie

risque advertising

Is German real?

Gateway Chicken

hated this park

deadlines aren't suggestions

the flash

iphone battery

millennial falcon

pickles

I don’t actually follow Laureen Harper’s twitter account, but this one got re-tweeted a lot:

Laureen Harper's tweet

I like that she had to clarify that she did, in fact, tweet the above:

Laureen Harper was not hacked

nav bar

Franklin

free food

hold my beer

escape room from you life

privacy breeches

reasons he's not texting you

millenials

it's personal

NASA tank tops

RCMP bear

bear bear

robotic spider apocalypse

Tell Cersei

beauty

ducking asshomes

sunblock in the eyes

During one of the hurricanes this year, there was a raft of fire ants floating towards an exploded chemical plant:fire ants floating toward an exploded chemical plant

favourite slide

boring superpower

it's my actual job

spammer

hack

Eevee on a TV

French for zombie apocalypse

Ottawa Senators

free food

dating

brevity

280 characters

KFC's twitter

Donut costume

dinosaurs in a bar

Wingdings in the sheets

Apple added facial recognition to the iPhone:apple

Vancouverites say

detox

a small fiction

best case scenarioA couple of thought-provoking tweets:

things white people should do

change the future

And to end of a positive note, this heartwarming tweet:

first day of kindergarten to college move in

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What’s Been Amusing Me in the Twittervese Lately

It’s been a year and a half since I shared my favourite tweets, so I figured it was time to check out what’s been amusing me in the Twitterverse.

Given the year that was 2016, quite a few of my favourites were related to politics:

NDT

Trump's scientific paper

Trump trauma

$900M debt

comparison

Qualifications aren't a thing

For some of the politics ones I feel like I need to provide context, as they might seem quite nonsensical without it. Like this one in response to then-candidate for the Republican nomination Ben Carson’s claim that the Egyptian pyramids were built to store grains, rather than to bury pharaohs:

Pyramids

At the Republican national convention, Melania Trump gave a speech in which she plagiarized a speech by Michelle Obama. When Donald gave his speech, this guy made this pithy remark:

plagiarism software

The next two are related to people’s responses to Trump’s misogynistic comments related to how he can sexually assault women and they just let him because he’s famous; many politicians and pundits said things like “as a father of a daughter, I am offended” or “as a husband of a strong women, I am appalled”:

Women are people

This next one collides politics with another thing that happened in 2016: the fact that there were a reboot of the Ghostbusters movie with all female leads (and people got all pissed off about that):

Rebooting the Clinton administration

Shortly before the election, someone smashed Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame1 and this was George Takei’s response:

Horcuxes

In response to Russia’s interference in the US election:

Russian election hacking

And in probably my favourite of all the political tweets was this one that came during the second presidential debate. Donald Trump, in one of his examples of islamophobia and racism, was ranting about Muslims being terrorists and how Muslims need to report people whose behaviour is suspicious, and, in reference to earlier in the debate when Donald was menacingly standing behind Hillary Clinton on the debate stage, was this brilliant tweet:

report

Moving on to less political things, there were a few hashtags that amused me, including #scienceamoviequote:

#scienceamoviequote 5
#scienceamoviequote 4
#scienceamoviequote 3
#scienceamoviequote 2
#scienceamoviequote 1

and #HarperAirport (when it was proposed that Calgary airport be re-named after the much loathed former Prime Minister Stephen Harper):

#HarperAirport

That last one refers to these really terrible radio ads the Conservatives ran during the election that said Justin Trudeau was “just not ready” to be Prime Minister.

This next one refers to Bill C-51, an “anti-terrorism law” that gives the government sweeping powers to invade people’s privacy that was brought in under the Harper government:
#HarperAirport 2

A tonne of my favourite tweets over the past year and a half have come from the account “Shit Academics Say”:

preetenure

Shit Academics Say 5

Shit Acadmics Say 3

Don't bring anecdote to a data fight

Shit Academics Say 2

Don't bring anecdote to a data fight

to err

Shit Academics Say

A few have a feminism theme::

Female ghostbuster

So lucky

And several have cats in them:

helper cat

Drunk Pickles

bread tag kitty

Hockey cats

Kitty

Office cat

And then there is a whole bunch of random stuff:

stress reduction

wrong park

fully support

For the record, I have *no* idea what campaign that tweet refers to. Dr. Dan, do you remember?

bacteria-free

There is no cloud

80s playlist

10,000 characters

cheques
spanx

the new

Twitter expansion

Email filter

Assertive

meeting fail

muffins v cupcakes

1 v 0.78

science

Cat video calls

White chocolate

Calling her bluff

Life imitates art

Microsoft Edge browser

Proportional lineups

Outrage

Cat kisses

I quite liked Jen’s response to this tweet of mine (see below):

Luna Park

Luna Park reaction

Video calling software

Safe does not equal comfortable

Cistrionics

Mr. Pepper

Flu shot

Homeopathy

Neuroscientist's dread

economics

And this one was fun because my friend Cath was reading the interwebs one day and discovered I was internet famous:

My quokka buddy and I are famous

And there’s even a few of my own that I favourited, because I amuse me (and I didn’t want my best tweets to disappear into the bottomless pit that is Twitter and my terrible inability to remember stuff)

First, one that would only appeal to nerdy scientists who also like Pokemon (so, basically, only me and Cath):

Schrodinger's Pokemon

Then there’s one I thought hilarious and apparently at least one other person agreed:

BMDK

And finally one that I tweeted, but was actually a quotation from my sister, so she get the credit of the hilarity of this one:

Hockey as described by my sister

  1. Aside: I can’t believe Trump had a star and Carrie Fisher didn’t! []

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Tweet tweet tweet

Every so often, I like to post some of my favourite tweets, because Twitter is a huge pain in the butt when it comes to finding old tweets (you have to just keep scrolling and scrolling!) and I have a terrible memory, so I need my blog to have all the things on it. Anyhoo, now seems like as good a time as any for it to be an every-so-often.

I could really relate to this one1:

twitter favs 15

And I could really relate to this one too:

twitter favs 14

I, too, teach a post-secondary stats class and am surprised by how many students ask for extensions on assignments because a grandparent has passed away.

This next tweet, from the Vancouver Canucks Twitter account, was a hilarious auto-correct of Radim Vrbata’s last name:

twitter favs 13

Poor Connor McDavid:

twitter favs 09

These are particularly funny if you are a Game of Thrones fan2:

twitter favs 10

twitter favs 11

And speaking of Game of Thrones, Cath tweeted the following:

twitter favs - got fonts 01

Which set off a conversation about other fonts that could be renamed after GoT characters:

twitter favs - got fonts 02

twitter favs - got fonts 04

twitter favs - got fonts 05

twitter favs - got fonts 06

Shit Academics Say is a particularly funny Twitter account if you happen to be an academic:

twitter favs 12

twitter favs 07

And this one totally made me laugh:

twitter favs 06

I can’t remember what specific situation this was in response to, but there have been a lot of people saying something offensive and then being surprised/angry/playing a victim when the world calls them out on being a d-bag:

twitter favs 05Canadians love jokes about Canada:

twitter favs 03

And the next two tweets really spoke to me as a cat owner and an arachnophobe, respectively:twitter favs 02More lols:

twitter favs 01

I also want to share a few of my favourite tweets of my own, because scrolling through my Twitter feed to find the good stuff among the “I’m going to hockey/for a run/for a massage” tweets and my “new blog posting!” tweets and the random badges that my beer tracking app auto-tweets is for suckers.

my tweets 22

my tweets 19

my tweets 18

my tweets 13

For the record, that tweet is still the *only* tweet that has used the hashtag #TeamGanttChart.

I was really pleased with myself when I thought up this line and very excited to have a chance to tweet it (For the record, Beer Friday is an event that happens in the building that is directly outside of my building):

my tweets 12

twitter favs 04Naturally, there has to be a few tweets with photos of my kitties because adorable:

my tweets 04

my tweets 05

my tweets 06

my tweets 08

my tweets 20

my tweets 03

That above tweet was the result of something that played out even more funny in person. A former coworker who now works at a nearby building and I met up for lunch at the Japadog truck. We both got diet Cokes with our lunch and when I looked at mine I saw that it said “share a Coke with your best friend”. So I said, “Aww, look and showed it to him”. So he looks at the one in his hand, which is turned the opposite way, and then he turns it around to reveal the “Share a Coke with your co-worker”. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an unintentional prop joke with such perfect comedic timing before!

Both of these things are 100% true:

my tweets 01

I also have a number of my fav own tweets that result from my office job:

my tweets 16

my tweets 17

my tweets 14

my tweets 11

This one is only funny if you are a fan of Game of Thrones and Lord of The Rings (or at least know their memes) and if you happen to work on the project I’m working on (For context, “Cerner” is the IT platform we are working on and SNOMED-CT is a standard nomenclature of clinical terms that we are using. Clear as mud, right?):

twitter favs 08

my tweets 09

my tweets 10

my tweets 07

my tweets 02And finally, an inspirational (?) quotation:

my tweets 21

  1. Probably because we were born in the same year! I totally thought I was a lot older than Paul, but I just double checked Facebook and I’m not even half a year older! []
  2. For the uninitiated, the Starks a big important family in GoT, but the head of the family has a bastard son who always gets treated as second-rate. And in the North, where they are from, all bastards are given the last name Snow. Which, of course, is my last name! []

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Nerd Stats 2014

Here is a quick summary of my blog and Twitter stats for 2014, in delightful Google spreadsheet form:

My blogging and tweeting stats are continuing their downward trend, which is not at all surprising, given that my blogging was very inconsistent this year. Case in point, I only blogged twice in the entire month of November – and I didn’t even remember that November is National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) – the month when I usually blog every day- until the past few days when I was writing up my year in blog postings! Ah well, apparently I was having too much fun this year to spend my time blogging! And it’s quality over quantity, right?

Also, if you are interested, you can also check out my blogging annual report from WordPress.

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A Few of My Favourite Tweets, 2014 edition

It’s been a year since I last shared my favourite tweets here on ye ole blog, so I took some screen shots for you. It seems that more of my fav tweets were related to politics than in the past, which makes sense given that 2014 was a municipal election year, but there’s still quite a few funny ones in there. (These are in reverse chronological order, because Twitter). Enjoy!

Twitter Favs 2014 - 01

This reply by my friend Cath to the Prime Minister really made me laugh:

Twitter favs 2014 - 02

Twitter favs 2014 - 03

Twitter favs 2014 - 04

Twitter favs 2014 - 05

Twitter favs 2014 - 06

Marcy’s dress reminds me that I could always be crazy cat lady-er.

Twitter favs 2014 - 07

Twitter favs 2014 - 08

Twitter favs 2014 - 09

Yes, those are McDonald’s coupons on my fridge. I have a weakness for Egg McMuffins.

Twitter favs 2014 - 10

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I Volunteer As Tribute!… er, Curator!

For the next week, I’m going to be curating the @PeopleofCanada Twitter account!

From the @PeopleofCanada Tumblr blog:

About

A rotating crew of Canadians sharing their lives in with Canada and the world.

We hope to represent Canadians, no matter where they live or whatever identities they may hold. Whether you’re a plumber, journalist, movie star, or farmer, one day, you too could be here.

The schedule rotates weekly

Canada DayWhat this means is that instead of tweeting from my own Twitter account 1, I’ll be spending more time over on @PeopleofCanada Twitter account, where I get to share my random thoughts about my life2, the performance of the Canucks, scientific nerdery, what my frogs and cats are doing, or basically anything else that I feel like tweeting about with a broader audience (that account has 4,237 followers to my 671 followers at @Beth77). I’m hoping that I’ll get a chance to engage with some cool people from across the country that I wouldn’t meet otherwise and hopefully have some fun along the way!

I’m not exactly sure when I’ll be getting the keys to the account – I was originally told it would be Jan 30, but haven’t received the email yet. But I did just see that my bio went up over on the their Tumblr blog, so I’m expecting to get access soon.

Once I get the password, I’ll put an update on this posting and then you can follow along with my tweeting shenanigans over at @PeopleofCanada! If you have a Twitter account, please follow! If you don’t, you can just go to this link and to read my tweets!

Update: Tweeting over there now (Feb 2) until next Sunday!

Image Credit: Posted by Jeff Smith on Flickr.

  1. Notices of my blog postings will still show up on my @Beth77 Twitter account because that is automated and I’m too lazy to switch it over I wouldn’t want my faithful @Beth77 Twitter followers to miss out on the brilliance that is my blog postings. []
  2. Read: I need a coffee. I need chocolate. My cats are adorable. My cats need coffee. I’m off to play some hockey. []

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These Are A Few of My Favourite Tweets!

It’s been a while since I shared my favourite tweets with you, so I took these screen shots.

Tweets 01

tweets 02

tweets 03

tweets 04

tweets 05

tweets 06

Going through my favourites, I noticed that a fair number of these are my own. In my defence, it’s not just my arrogance that resulted in this, but also that I haven’t had a lot of time over the past two years to keep up with everyone else’s tweets due to all that pesky school I was doing1.

  1. Gosh, now that school is done, what am I going to blame not doing other things on? []

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Welcome to Twitter, Copernicus!

The things that frogs get up to when you aren’t looking! It appears that Copernicus has joined Twitter. Here’s his first tweet:

Copernicus' first tweet

You can follow all his froggy tweets @CopernicusSnow.

Copernicus the Frog

Copernicus, contemplating what his next tweet should say.

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Tweet 10,000

Without even noticing, I tweeted my 10,000th tweet today! Had I realized how close I was to this milestone, I might have made it something more significant than:

Tweet #10,000

In my defence, I was having a Twitter conversation with Cath, wherein I suggested that the number of grant applications she’s working on was crazily insane, and then she pointed out that I’m in no position to tell anyone that their workload is insanely crazy. Hence the “touche.”

In celebration of my momentous 10,000th tweet, I give you all of my favourite tweets since the last time I shared my favourite tweets with y’all. This may have been facilitated by the fact that, a few weeks ago, I took some screenshots of the tweets I’ve favourited with the intention of blogging about them and then promptly forgot.

As usual with tweets, these go in reverse chronological order. And I’ve added in a few comments to clarify items that made sense when tweeted, but which might be out of context without some explanation. Enjoy!

A bunch of these ones are related to the Longest Game for CF. And the one by Cath is in reference to an email we got at work (we work for related health organizations that share an IT system) about the Pagenet pagers being unable to receive pages. In 2011.

favourite tweets 01

favourite tweets 02

The next two by Dave (touchyoulast) are in reference to game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals.

favourite tweets 03

Renee’s and warmandpunchy’s in the next set were tweeted while they watched the televised leaders’ debate at election time:

favourite tweets 04

My tweets in this next section need to be read from the bottom up. Because they don’t make sense in reverse chronological order.

favourite tweets 05

favourite tweets 06

Again, read mine from the bottom up:

favourite tweets 07

favourite tweets 08

favourite tweets 09

favourite tweets 10

favourite tweets 11

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Nerd Stats 2011

Here is a quick summary of my blog and Twitter stats for 20111:

2008 2009 2010 2011 % change from 2010
Blog postings: 423 357 344  380 +9%
Tweets: 2,227 1,815 2302 3,6252 +57%
Visits to my blog 32,410 45,153 44,689 60,560 +36%
Average number of blog visits per day 933. 1264 122 166 +36%
Busiest day on my blog: Sept 26, 2008 (460 views)5 July 25, 2009 (1,181 views)6 Feb 9, 2010 (233 views) Oct 10, 2011 (374 views)  +61%
  1. to see previous years’ nerd stats postings, click the year in the table []
  2. note to self: You started blogging in 2008, so you get these totals by simple subtraction, not by some fancy pants program or anything. I hope this helps you when you write your “Nerd Stats 2012” posting when you think “how the hell did I figure out how many times I tweeted in a given year??” []
  3. not sure why this value is not equal to the number of visits to my blog divided by 365 days. Probably some some of rounding error []
  4. ibid []
  5. thanks to the Hockey Hotties posting []
  6. thanks to the Blogathon! []