Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


NaBloPoMo Success!

I can’t believe it’s already the end of November!

  • Only 24 shopping days left until Christmas!
  • Only 12 days until I leave for Ontario!
  • Only 8 working days left in 2010 for me1!
  • Mercifully, only one day left before everyone shaves off their horrid Movember mustaches2.

And this is my final blog posting for National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) 2010, making a complete collection of 30 posts of bloggy goodness. At the start of the month, I was worried I’d get writer’s block, so I made a list of potential topics to blog about, but then I kept getting inspired by the day-to-day minutiae of my life, so I didn’t blog about most of the things on my list. Oh well, it gives me a list to go on if I run out of ideas in December!

  1. for my day job – I also have teaching (including marking) left to do). Though I feel like I have about two months of work I need to accomplish in those 8 days. Eep! []
  2. except for Paul, who is keeping his until 12 Bars []


Secret Santa Is On

Remember last year when I complained about how difficult it was to sneak my Secret Santa presents into my Secret Santa recipient’s office at work?  It must have taken me a dozen tries to get to her office undetected, get in, drop off her present and get out without being spotted. And since my office’s Secret Santa protocol requires THREE mini-presents, you have to do this THREE times. So fucking stressful! I needed a holiday just to recover from the stress! So can you guess what I’ve gone and done this year?  Yup, I signed up for Secret Santa AGAIN!

In addition to the difficulty of sneaking into my coworkers office, I’m having a hellava time figuring out what to buy. And then think is, when I drew this person’s name I thought “oh good. I talk to her all the time. It’ll be easy to buy her presents.”  But I’ve come to realize that all the things I know about her are useless with respect to present buying.  The Research Assistant in my office drew the name of another coworker who would be super easy to buy for – I know her preferences for type of chocolate, coffee beverages, and a whole bunch of other things that would make for nice little presents. But *my* Secret Santa recipient? Everything I know about her is no help!  I know where her husband works, I know the sport she plays1, I know what her kids do for leisure activities, I even know the name of her pet – and none of these things lead in any way to possible presents. Does she like coffee? I don’t know. Does she like chocolate or candy? No idea. Does she knit or read or bake? No clue. Gah!  Can someone remind me *not* to sign up for Secret Santa next year?  It’s the most difficult part of  my job!

On a positive note, however, I received my first Secret Santa present this morning!  It was this funky bookmark:


And it came with a note that said I can use it to hold my place in my book on the plane when I go to visit my family.  Clearly, someone was paying attention to me yammering in the lunchroom.  I need to get better at Secret Santa-ing.

  1. not something that lends itself to present buying []


FSM on the Xmas Tree

In addition to the chili peppers, I decided that my Christmas tree needed one more thing, which I made this weekend:

FSM Christmas Tree Ornament

The Flying Spaghetti Monster now graces my tree. May he touch you with his noodly appendage this Holiday season.


My Bed Is Tall. I Am Not.

So, my bed is a wee bit high for me – I have a pretty tall bed, combined with a really thick mattress and a thick box spring. So when I climb into bed, I’m really having to *climb* into my bed. Until now.


I’ve had this wooden block for years. My mom bought one for me and one for my sister ages ago and I’ve been carting it around since then – it’s one of the things that has survived the many purges that have occurred whenever I’ve moved apartments. But it’s never really served much of a function before1. Until now. A step stool to my bed!

  1. though I do store stuff in it, it’s not stuff that I couldn’t have just kept in a dresser drawer []


Yeah, I’m Still Talking About My Braces

So I ask for suggestions of what to blog about and this is what you readers come up with:

skribit idea

Dirty, dirty! Well, first of all, we’ve already established that I’m not supposed to chew on bones, nuts (and pencils). The instructions don’t, however, prohibit sucking on things. I’m just sayin’. You know, sucking on things like popsicles, lollipops, and, you know, um, stuff. Ahem.

Oh yeah, I can’t cut hockey tape with my teeth or bite my nails anymore. Those are probably good things though.

And speaking of braces, do you know how braces actually work? I realized the other day that I didn’t actually know. I mean, I knew that the braces put pressure on your teeth to move them, but when I thought about I thought, “how does that work, exactly?” So I consulted Dr. Google, DDS and it turns out that as the braces put pressure on your teeth, they press on bone into which the teeth are implanted and the prolonged pressure causes the bone to resorb. So then your teeth are loose – freaky! But then bone formation occurs on the opposite side to where the resorption occurred to tighten your tooth socket back up1. And then you have straight teeth. w00t!

  1. as a former bone scientist, I feel like I really should have known all of this []


Your Suggestions Wanted

So I’m trying out this Skribit thing1. It’s a little widget thingy I’ve put on my sidebar where you can write anonymous suggestions of what you want me to write about.  For those of you reading this via an RSS feed or those who care not to look to the right side of the screen, the widget looks like this:


Gee, I wonder who could have written that anonymous suggestion?

Anyway, I have 22 days left to go in NaBloPoMo, so go to the sidebar on my blog and give me suggestions of stuff to write about!

  1. as usual, for the record, I have no affiliation with the Skribit people. Shockingly, no one wants to pay me money for pimping their products to my 17 blog readers []


BC Premier #30: Glen Clark

Hey, remember a million zillion years ago when I was working on a series of postings about BC Premiers, posting about one premier each Sunday? Yeah, apparently neither did I. But with the convergence of needing to come up with a new blog posting topic every day this month AND the big news of Gordon Campbell quitting this week1, I thought it was high time to resurrect, yet again, this series that I seem to keep letting fall off my plate.  I only have four premiers left (until the BC So-Called Liberals pick a replacement for Gordo), so surely I can keep this up for the next four Sundays, right?

OK, so when we last left off in our series, Premier Mike Harcourt had resigned the position. Enter Glen Clark, the 30th Premier of the Province of British Columbia.

Name Glen David Clark
Born: November 22, 1957 in Nanaimo, BC2
Died: hasn’t
Party: NDP
Held Office: February 22, 1996 – August 25, 1999
  • Glen Clark is a controversial guy, as evidenced by the fact that his Wikipedia page is a mess of “this page’s neutrality is disputed” and “you need actual sources to back up this shit, yo.” And since I’m far too lazy to do any real research, take anything I write here with a giant grain of sodium chloride.
  • 1986: elected to the BC Legislature
  • served as Finance Minister under Premier Mike Harcourt and when Harcourt resigned in 1996, Clark was elected by the NDP to succeed him
  • 1996: Clark won an NDP majority government, did stuff like keeping tuitions fees frozen and something about Vancouver Island and Skytrain
  • And since BC politics loves scandals, there were two “scandals” during Clark’s reign:
    • The “Fast Ferries” – some new, faster ferries were built for BC ferries, but they cost way more than expected, took longer than they were supposed to and never quite went as fast as they were supposed to3.
    • “Casinogate” – Glen Clark’s house and officer were searched by the RCMP in 1999 in relation to accusations that Clark had accepted $10,000 worth of renos in exchange for granting a casino license. He was charged with “breach of trust,” a criminal offence, but in the end was not found guilty. Essentially, the judge said that he’d done something stupid, but not done anything criminal.
  • Clark resigned as premier in 1999 in light of the “Casinogate” scandal.
  • currently works as an “Executive Vice President” for the Jim Pattison Group and president of The News Group North America.”

In summary, Glen Clark did some stuff and then people got mad at him and then he quit.



  1. for his mug shot when he got arrested for driving drunk in Hawaii, click here []
  2. Nanaimo a.k.a., “Surrey by the Sea,” and the home of the deliciousness that is the Nanaimo Bar []
  3. if memory serves, they went fast, but then it took a long time to dock them because they didn’t quite match up with the docks correctly, so after all the time and money spent on the new ferries, your ferry trip wasn’t any shorter than it was with the old ferries []


More NaBloPoMo’ers

People who I follow that are NaBloPoMo’ing it all up in da house:

If I’ve forgotten everyone, leave a comment and I’ll add you to the list.

  1. though she blogs every single day even when it’s not NaBloPoMo []


More About Braces

So I got a bunch of instructions of stuff I must and must not do now that I have braces. I must brush with funny looking toothbrushes after I eat. I must floss and oh dear FSM, I used to think flossing sucked before braces, but flossing with braces involves threading the floss through the wire for each individual tooth! It took me about 27 hours to floss my teeth last night. Gah!

I also have to wear a mouthguard when I play hockey, because really the last thing I need is to get hit and end up with a piece of metal through my lip. I wore said mouthguard during my hockey game last night and discovered that I can’t (a) talk or (b) drink water with it in1. And those are two important things that you need to do during hockey! The instructions on the package say you can cut it down smaller, so I think I’ll try that and see if it’s better next game.

And speaking of the instructions on the package, am I the only one that thinks this is weird?


Wash the mouthguard with warm water and then rinse it? Because I have to rinse the water off? Wha????

The other written instruction that I got that I found amusing was in this list of things I’m not allowed to eat:

foods not to eat

So I’m not allowed to chew on bone or nuts? That’s not going to do much for my dating life, now is it?

  1. I can, however, score amazing goals from on one knee (with an assist from my lovely, talented, and amazing over 45 year old linemate – who didn’t get credited with said assist… which is highway robbery!) while wearing said mouthguard, so that’s something []


I am a cyborg again!


In anticipation of today’s installation of my braces, I took a (very rare) photo of my fugly, fugly teeth.  I figured I’d want a “before” photo of how awful they are now to remind myself what they looked like when they are all pretty at the end of this.

Day 134

Notice how the canine tooth on the right side of the photo is way too high.  The one next to it, though you can’t really tell from this photo, is way too far back.  As well, my two front teeth are cracked – they are ones that were root canalled when I was a kid, so they are dead and cracked and ugly.  After the braces – assuming they don’t fall out – I’ll get some restorative dentistry done to make them pretty. If they do fall out, then it’s implants, making me even more cyborg-ish than I already am!

Anyway, I got said braces installed this morning and here’s what they look like:

Day 135

Let the teasing commence!