More About Braces

So I got a bunch of instructions of stuff I must and must not do now that I have braces. I must brush with funny looking toothbrushes after I eat. I must floss and oh dear FSM, I used to think flossing sucked before braces, but flossing with braces involves threading the floss through the wire for each individual tooth! It took me about 27 hours to floss my teeth last night. Gah!

I also have to wear a mouthguard when I play hockey, because really the last thing I need is to get hit and end up with a piece of metal through my lip. I wore said mouthguard during my hockey game last night and discovered that I can’t (a) talk or (b) drink water with it in1. And those are two important things that you need to do during hockey! The instructions on the package say you can cut it down smaller, so I think I’ll try that and see if it’s better next game.

And speaking of the instructions on the package, am I the only one that thinks this is weird?


Wash the mouthguard with warm water and then rinse it? Because I have to rinse the water off? Wha????

The other written instruction that I got that I found amusing was in this list of things I’m not allowed to eat:

foods not to eat

So I’m not allowed to chew on bone or nuts? That’s not going to do much for my dating life, now is it?

  1. I can, however, score amazing goals from on one knee (with an assist from my lovely, talented, and amazing over 45 year old linemate – who didn’t get credited with said assist… which is highway robbery!) while wearing said mouthguard, so that’s something []

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  • That mouthguard is almost certainly worthwhile. All through middle school, for reasons I never did fathom, there was a kid who used to like to sneak up behind me and literally kick me in the ass. Twice he was caught by faculty, but twice released since he wasn’t known to be a bully and staff just assumed it was ordinary juvenile horseplay. However, it was pretty systematic, and it really upset me as this school wasn’t sophisticated enough to offer alternatives to milling about the parking lot after lunch.

    When I went on to public school, he was sent to a catholic high school. I was happy to think I’d never see this imbecile again, but then one day he turned up as a striker for his school’s soccer team. I took delight as stopper in multiple steals, playing perhaps the best game of my life. Then on one play he touched the ball a little harder than intended and it rolled right to my feet. If playing by-the-book, I would have made an easy pass, clearing the ball to an open friendly midfielder. Instead I looked right into my former tormentor’s eyes, then booted the ball right into his face. Playing soccer with unguarded braces, he was out for the rest of the game. I’ve long wondered if the incident produced any enduring scars, and if those scars caused him to think twice in future occasions when bullying was an option.

    Anyway, here’s hoping you never picked on anyone in your league(s) enough to inspire vengeful thinking and that you never hit the ice without appropriate protection.


  • @Demonweed – I was punched in the throat once during a game, but it was totally unprovoked. Although it was a team from Calgary, so perhaps they heard all the horrible stuff I say about Calgary. At any rate, I will be wearing the mouthguard from now on!


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