Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese

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I received this in the mail yesterday

Guess who I’m not voting for in this election?

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Stupidest Tongue Injury Ever

Picture it. I’m sitting in my office, chewing some gum and, out of nowhere, I bite my tongue. But not only do I bite my tongue – oh no, that wouldn’t be ridiculous enough. I bite my tongue so hard that it bleeds. Profusely.

You’d think that with 31 years experience, I’d be able to have my own tongue in my own mouth without biting it.  You’d think.

I would like to point out, in case you are ever considering biting your tongue so hard that it bleeds, that it’s very difficult to put pressure on one’s tongue in order to stop profuse bleeding.  I mean, I grabbed a tissue and applied pressure, but then the tissue just all sticks to your tongue and it’s all “Ick, I’m eating a Kleenex now!  A bloody Kleenex from my profusely bleeding tongue.”

Also from the too much information department, some photos of said injury:

Today’s episode of stupidity has been brought to you by the letter I1

1as in, I am a jackass.

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BC Premier#4 – Andrew Charles Elliot. Yawn.

Andrew Charles Elliot, the fourth Premier of the Province of British Columbia, rivals the Right Honourable Captain Boring in terms of sheer boringness.

Name Andrew Charles Elliott
Born: c. 1828 somewhere in Ireland
Died: April 9, 1889 in San Francisco
Party: Like a rock star
Held Office: February 1, 1876 – February 11, 1878
  • apparently they don’t actually know when he was born, nor can they narrow down the location to more than just “Ireland.”  Nice record keeping, 1820s Ireland!
  • he came to BC to be a lawyer in the “gold colony” and somehow was called to the bar, even though there was no county court system.  So he figured he’d leave.  Then they made a court system. And then he stayed.
  • He became a county judge, then a “gold commissioner and stipendiary magistrate,” then he was appointed to the Legislative Council by Governor Frederick Seymour.  After BC joined Confederation, he became the high sheriff, then the police magistrate of Victoria.  He had a lot of jobs.
  • In 1875 he was elected to the Legislative Assembly and later would become the Leader of the Opposition (again, remembering that there aren’t any political parties at this point).  When G.A.W. got kicked out by a non-confidence vote, Lieutenant Governor Joseph William Trutch asked A.C.E. to form a government.
  • He had a reputation for being boring “honesty and gentlemanly behaviour. “Nearly twenty years in office and not rich!” exclaimed David William Higgins, the editor of the” Daily British Colonist and Victoria Chronicle4.
  • Faced with the clusterfuck of a financial situation  that G.A.W. had left behind1 he raised taxes. All sorts of taxes. Real estate taxes. Income taxes. School taxes. Wild land taxes.
  • Like G.A.W. before him, A.C.E. had to deal with the whole railroad thing.  The feds had offered a railroad from Esquimalt to Nanaimo if the province agree to let them have more time to complete the transcontinential railroad.  But there were more delays and suchlike, and then the feds said, “Um, yeah, that whole thing about the railroad ending in Esquimalt… yeah, not so much.”
  • His government was defeated in 1878 and so he resigned.  Then he tried really hard to get a pension from the federal government on the basis that he was a former colonial official.  Again, the feds said, “Yeah, not so much.”  While in London trying to get support for the pension claim, his wife died unexpectedly back in Victoria in 1881.
  • He lived in San Fran for his last few years, on the advice of doctors who felt the northern climate was too cold for his poor health.

In summary,*yawn*.

Image credits: Accessed from Wikipedia. In the public domain. Hoorah!

Footnotes:
1It was so bad that the Bank of BC had cut off their government’s credit. How bad does a government had to be for the bank of their province to cut off their credit?
2Apparently these docs haven’t actually been to San Fran ‘cuz, really, it’s pretty frickin’ cold there, imho.

References:
3Wikipedia, the reference where everybody knows your name
4Dictionary of Canadian Biography Online

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BarCamp 2008

Spent the morning in the WordCamp section of BarCamp Vancouver, a session talking about all things WordPress.  As you can tell from my URL, my blog is on WordPress.com and I have been very happy with WP ever since I moved over from Blogger back in January.  But the more of these WordCamp type events I go to – and the more other bloggers I talk to – the more I realize that I need to move towards self-hosting.  There are just so many fun plugins that WordPress.org users get to play with.  Suppose I’ll need to look into where I should have my site hosted (suggestions welcome!).

Now I’m in the “What is a Co-op?” session. The idea here is the gauge the interest developing a tech co-op. As you may or may not know, I’m a big fan of co-ops.  I dumped my old bank1 to move to a credit union. I am a member of the Car Co-op. So I’m interested in finding out what the thoughts are on creating a co-op of techies.

1Well, pretty much dumped it. I have to keep my student loans with the bank, because if I move them elsewhere, then they wouldn’t be “student” loans anymore and since interest on student loans is tax-free, it’s in my interest to keep that student loan status. Once those loans are paid off, I’ll be able to be free of the bank!

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Hockey Hotties – Now With Photos!

In preparation for this afternoon’s hockey pool draft, I decided I should figure out what position all the hotties on my list actually play, given that we need to have one goalie and to pick a certain number of defenseman. And then I thought I should have photos of these boys handy to help me to decide during the draft. Here is the result of that research!

Hottie
Position
Age
Jailbait?1
Rick DiPietro, NY Islanders
Goalie
27
No
Mikko Koivu, Minnesota Wild
http://www.asuntomessuopas.fi/files/5267-MikkoKoivu_netti.jpg
Centre
25
No
Taylor Pyatt, Vancouver Canucks
Left Wing


(note: scores points for his pretty blue eyes)

27
No
Zach Parise, NJ Devils

Zach Parise by jenkang75

Left Wing 24 No

Scottie Upshall, Philadelphia Flyers

Scottie Upshall by neat1325Scottie Upshall by neat1325

Right wingloses points for going by the name “Scottie” 24 No

Brendan Morrison, Anaheim Ducks

brendan%20morrison.jpg

Centre 33 hell no

Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins

crosby-3.jpg Sidney Crosby image by frogger00_mcr

Centre 21 hell yeah

Mattias Ohlund, Vancouver Canucks

http://trippingovertheblueline.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/mattias-ohlund.jpg

Defense 32 No
Mike Comrie, NY Islanders Centre 28 No
Benoit Pouliot, Minnesota WildMe610x.jpg Left Wing 21 Yup

Vincent Lecavalier, Tampa Bay Lightning

2787753030077758815 by kaatiya

Centre 28 No

Mark Bell, Toronto Maple Leafs

bell_headshot.jpg

Left Wing 28 No, but apparently he has recently been in jail

Jarome Iginla, Calgary Flames

Jarome Iginla by Dinur

Right Wing 31 No

Paul Gaustad, Buffalo Sabres

Goose in Black and White by valorfaerie

Centre 26 No
Martin St. Louis, Tampa Bay Lightning

martin-st.-louis.jpg

Right Wing 33 No

Martin Biron, Philadelphia Flyers

Me and Martin Biron by valorfaerieMartin Biron by valorfaerie

Goalie 31 No

Joffrey Lupul, Philadelphia Flyers

Joffrey Lupul by neat1325Joffrey Lupul is Bringing Sexy Back. by Alipyon

Right Wing 25 No

Derek Roy, Buffalo Sabres

MMM, Derek Roy;) by Alygirl20

Centre 25 No

Brad Isbister, Ottawa Senators

Brad Isbister by John Bollwitt

Left Wing 31 No

Markus Naslund, New York Rangers

Markus Naslund Models the Vancouver Canucks' New Uniform by sillygwailo

Left Wing 35 Nu uh

Georges Laraque, Montreal Canadiens

Georges by ztil301

Right Wing 31 No

Kris Letang, Pittsburgh Penguins

080228 Kris Letang by Dan4th

Defense 21 Uh, yeah
Mike Komisarek, Montreal Canadiens

Mike Komisarek.jpg

Defense 26 No
Josh Gorges, Montreal Canadiens

Josh Gorges 4-15-06.jpgJosh Gorges by pointnshoot.

Defense 24 No
Jason Pominville, Buffalo Sabres

Jason Pominville

Right Wing 25 No
Jonathan Toews, Chicago Blackhawks

Jonathan Toews by dtkindler

Centre 20 Indeed
Patrick Kane, Chicago Blackhawks

Right Wing 19 Yikes!
Dustin Brown, LA Kings

Dustin Brown by nicholeglaze

Left Wing 23 No. Just squeaks by the cutoff age!
Carey Price, Montreal Canadiens


Goalie 20 Yes

Sheldon Souray, Edmonton Oilers

http://norhymeorreason.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/0-shelly-intro.jpg


Defense 32 No
Craig Rivet, Buffalo Sabres


Craig Rivet by Dinur

Defense 34 No

Thanks to all the wonderful readers who suggested hockey hotties for me to consider.

I’ll be sure to let y’all know who ends up on my team o’hotties!

1Where “jailbait” = below my cougar age
2Out of curiosity, given that all the suggesters were not my usual commenters – how did you find my blog?.

Image credits:

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More new shoes

Shocking, I know.

My friend Therese is in town for her cousin’s kids baptism, so we met up for dinner (poutine at The Templeton) and shopping (for shoes, of course). First we went to the Aldo liquidation outlet on Granville and I found a super hot pair of red boots. Marked down to $70, plus 50% off. How often do you find boots for $35?? The only hitch – they didn’t have my size!! The horror, the horror!

Not to be deterred, we headed next door to the new Payless store, where Therese got two very cute pairs: one a shiny brown pair of flats, the other, an adorable open toe pump… in tweed! For serious!

As for my shoes, despite trying on virtually every heel they had in my size, I ended up with this pair:

Which I quite like. So cute! So comfy!

P.S. Don’t forget to scroll down to my previous post and let me know who you think is the hottest NHL hockey hottie!

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Hockey Hotties

This Saturday I’m going to be participating in a draft for a hockey pool.  Since I pay little to no attention to teams that aren’t the Canucks, I’m not overly familiar with non-Canuck players.  In fact, unless someone is a mega-star a la Sydney Crosby, I’ve probably not heard of them.  Thus, my draft strategy will be: draft the hottest players.  If I can’t win the most points, I may as well have the prettiest boys on my team, right?

Rick Dipietro. Rawr!

Rick Dipietro. Rawr!

So far, the pretty boy hockey players that come to mind are:

My research, thus far, has been watching videos of the “10 or 20 or 30 or 50 or 62 Hottest Hockey Players” on YouTube. I’ve noticed that these videos all seem to have the following things in common:

  • very poor production values
  • a plethora of copyrighted images being used
  • music that makes no sense (e.g., what does “I Kissed a Girl” have to do with hockey hotties??)
  • each contains at least 2 of the Staals, none of whom are good looking
  • each contains at least 4 fuglies for every decent looking player

Also, any “hottest hockey players” list that doesn’t include Taylor Pyatt and/or does include Evengi Malkin or Scott Gomez has some serious problems.

OK, blog readers, now help me out.  What hockey hotties are missing from my list?

Image Credit: Posted by Francis Larrede on Flickr.

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Hockey Team #2

Last night was the first game of my Aggie hockey season. And it felt so good to be back on the UBC ice1. And wearing my Aggies jersey! And doing the Aggie slide2!

Me, Kim & Danielle, showing off our jerseys, during my first run as an Aggiette hockey player.

Me, Kim & Danielle, showing off our jerseys, during my first run as an Aggiette hockey player.

I started my hockey career at age 263, when I was in grad school and, after watching how much fun the man who would later become my ex-husband had playing hockey, I decided I wanted to play hockey too. I told him my Christmas present was going to be hockey gear and he got me hockey lessons at Burnaby 8 Rinks for my 26th birthday. Then I joined the Aggies. One of the perks of being a student is that rec hockey is dirt cheap4, so even I could afford it on my starving student income. I met some really great friends over the years I played Aggie hockey, including my former roomie and the team captain when I started with the Aggies, Dani, and Kim, who now plays with me out in Coquitlam and who is the team captain of the Aggies this year5, 6. I learned a lot about playing hockey and I had a *tonne* of fun.

The year after I graduated, they tore down the UBC rinks7 to build shiny new ones for the Olympics, so there was no rec hockey. And then last year I didn’t get to play with the Aggies, since I wasn’t a faculty member in first term1 and when I became a faculty member in second term, I was sick for two months and so didn’t play with the Aggies (and probably shouldn’t have even been playing on the one team that I did play on at the time).  So, after a two year hiatus, I’m back in the Aggie hockey scene.  And, just to prove I mean business – I scored the first (and only) goal8 for our team in last night’s game! w00t w00t!

Also, I have to say that even though we didn’t win the game, we did pretty damn amazing for a team that’s never played together before, with a few players (including the goalie) that have never played a single game of hockey before last night!  You could actually see an improvement in us from the first period to the third period – people were picking up some skills, figuring out their positions and getting used to playing with one another.  Once we get in a few games together, I think we’ll be a force to be reckoned with!

On a bit of a tangent9, I’d like to point out that one of the teams in the rec league this year – a men’s team in the Elite division is called – and I’m not making this up – 2 Girls 1 Puck.

1I played one game in the new UBC arena – last September I thought I’d be allowed to play UBC Rec hockey because I was teachinga, but it turned out that since I was only teaching in term 2 (Jan-Apr), I wasn’t allowed to play in term 1 (Sept-Dec). Which we didn’t find out until the second game, so I played the first game of last year.
      aYou have to be either a student, staff or faculty member at UBC to be eligible to play in the rec league.
2The “Aggie slide” occurs after the game, after we shake hands with the other team, when the Aggies all skate across the rink and dive. One of the new girls on the team was really confused when we did this last night; afterwards she said, “I was like, “No! Don’t throw yourself in front of the zamboni!!”
3I believe it was when I was 26. I’m starting to get forgetful in my old age, so that might be off by +1 year.
4Compare: UBC Rec hockey fees for ~6 months (late Sept-Nov and Jan-Mar) are ~$80. To play out in Coquitlam for 7 months (Sept-Mar), I pay ~$650. Rec hockey is subsidized by the rec fees that all students pay along with their tuition fees, plus sponsorship from our Faculty since we are a Faculty team.
5Just to give you an idea what an amazingly organized person Kim is, not only did she recruit us a full roster of players for the Aggies, she coordinated an entire extra team full of players AND is recruiting refs for the league. And this on top of being a university student and a teaching assistant and rep for a number of professional organizations and playing with my team out in Coquitlam. Did I mention that she is crazy?
6Clearly, I like hanging around with the people with the power.
7I’m reasonably sure this is just a correlation, not causative.
8It may have been the garbage goal to end all garbage goals – the puck was dumped in to the opposing teams end and me and a (much taller than me) defencewoman were racing for the puck. The puck made it to the goalie before either of us got there and, instead of covering it up given that I was racing right towards here, she tried to poke it off to her right. Two problems with this plan: (a) the defencewoman turned to the goalie’s left as she approached the net and (b) her poke was more of a dribble, resulting in the puck sitting a few inches from the goal line, exactly in front of where I’m heading and the goalie standing dead still, sort of facing the wrong way. All I had to do was sweep the puck a couple inches, and bye bye shut out. The nice thing about garbage goals (which happen to be my specialty): they are worth just as many points as the pretty ones!
9Every time I hear (or see) “on a tangent” I always think “on a secant.” This goes back to high school math class, where we would also sing Ace of Base’sbI Saw the Sign” as “I Saw the Cosine” and where Sarah made the best joke about mistaken (trigonometric) identities.
      bMan, I’m really dating myself with that one.

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O, woe is me to have seen what I have seen, [now] see what I see [slightly less good]!

I have been remiss! I had a one month post-laser eye surgery check-up a full week and a half ago which I fully, totally, and completely meant to blog about and then I fully, totally, and completely didn’t.

The reason my one month post-laser eye surgery check-up was blog worthy is… my vision has regressed!  At my check-up , my eyes had gone from perfect 20/20 vision to slightly under 20/20 vision.  When I couldn’t quite read that 20/20 line on the eye chart, it was like someone punched me in the gut.  All I could think was “$4400 to have perfect vision for 3 weeks?  Seriously??”

My optometrist pointed out that having slightly less than 20/20 vision is actually better than having 20/20 vision, as it means you don’t need reading glasses as soon1.  The only concern, is whether they will regress further.  She said it’s not uncommon for the vision you have in early healing to not be what you end up with. I gather that as corneas heal from laser eye surgery, the angles and suchlike can change.  So, as long as they don’t continue to regress, all will be well.  If they do, well, that’s gonna suck.  After testing my vision, my optometrist checked out my eyes and seemed quite baffled:  “Your corneas appear to be completely healed.  That usually takes 3-6 months.  And it has only been 1 month.”  The good news about this, in addition to the fact that it confirms I have superhuman healing powers, is that this may mean that my vision will not regress any further – since my corneas have finished healing, they shouldn’t change shape any more, which means my vision should stay as is.  Which will be fine – I can’t actually tell the difference between my 20/20 vision and my slightly less than 20/20 vision in my day-to-day life.  And, as much as I enjoyed saying, “I have 20/20 vision!”, I’d actually prefer not needing reading glasses until I’m older. Because, apparently, I’m not getting any younger.

At any rate, I have an extra optometrist follow-up scheduled now; usually they do follow-ups at 1 week, 1 month and 3 months, but my doc wants to do one at 2 months, just to make sure that no more regression occurs.  So, keep you fingers crossed for me, k?

1There’s always a trade-off beteween near and far sight.

Image credit: Originally posted by Christine Urias on Flickr under a Creative Commons license. Found by searching “laser eye surgery” and this image was just too creepy not to use!

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Titles With No Posts

I’m usually pretty terrible at naming things.  But every once in a while a name for something just pops into my head, without the something to go along with it.  Here are some blog posting titles that have landed in my brain, but without a blog posting to go with them:

  • Dr. Bloglove – Or Why You Should Stop Worrying and Love My Blog
  • You’re So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog is About You
  • Shin Splints and Split Infinitives
  • Proactively Multi-tasking Outside the Box
  • It’s my Blog and I’ll Prevaricate if I Want To

I may someday come up with blog postings to go with some of these but, for now, I’ll use this posting as a brain dump for posting-less titles.