Not To Be Trusted With Knives

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Dear Beth Simpson

Dear Beth Simpson Who Is Going to Maui Next Week,

I know that you think the Gmail address “beth.simpson” is yours, but it really, really is not.  I know this because that is *my* email account and I’ve had it since September 4, 2004.  You see, before I got divorced my last name was Simpson and so, when my Uncle Michael sent me one of those hard-to-get Gmail invites back in ’04, it made sense that I would pick “beth.simpson” as my username.  And despite my name change, I kept this email address1 because lots of people I know had that address for me and I didn’t want their emails to get lost out in cyberspace.  Now, I’m sure you were bummed out when you decided to get a Gmail account and discovered that your preferred name was taken, but I must admit that I am flummoxed as to why you continually sign up for things using *my* email address.  I don’t appreciate you having signed me up for the Great American Cookies Fan Club newsletter or the Kohls.com one or an account with the British Gas company.  I’m not sure how it was to your benefit to list an ad for a room for rent with my email address as the contact – didn’t that make it difficult to find any renters?  And did you ever get that furniture over which you were haggling by phone, but the decided to give the saleswoman my email address to follow up with?

What really freaked me out was when emails started showing up from “Beth & David Simpson,” as “David” is my ex-husband’s name.  So it basically felt like my former self, as part of a no-longer-existing couple, was emailing my current self, some 4+ years after said couple ceased to exist.  Freaked. Me. Out.  As near as I can tell, these email messages are you attempting to forward emails from your bellsouth.net email account to what you think is your Gmail account, but that’s merely a guess as you’ve ignored my polite emails requesting that you cease giving out my email address as if it were your own.

So today, when I received the e-ticket for two to see a magic show (valued at nearly $200) in Maui next week, I had to wonder if perhaps you were intending this as a peace offering to make up for all the inconvenience you’ve caused me.  But you seem to have forgotten to send me the e-ticket for the necessary plane ride.  You can just email it to me…. I think you know my address.

Sincerely,

The Beth Who Owns The Beth.Simpson gmail address.


Mitzvah Update:

The kind deed I did today was to email the company that issued that ticket to my email address to let them know it didn’t reach the right person.  Though it would have been quite easy to just ignore the email, I figure that since Beth dropped $200 on those tickets, she might actually want to receive them.

  1. I have it autoforwarding to my current email address []

7 Responses to Dear Beth Simpson

  1. Kalev says:

    You have to find this woman… and fucking STRANGLE her for her moronicity!

  2. gillian says:

    Wow, that's kinda shitty. I keep getting emails for someone who seems to be an academic in Kenya.

  3. Hee hee! I thought the random newsletter sign-ups might be some sort of campaign to get you to abandon the account, but if she's sending you tickets… what an eejit!

  4. Gah! I would have broken out into a cold sweat, had I been you, when the B&D emails showed up. CREEEEEEPY.

  5. drbethsnow says:

    Totally. Especially coming right out of the blue like that, having not thought of that name combination in years…. so unexpected…. so icky.

  6. Derek K Miller says:

    I have numerous people who THINK they own the dkmiller address at Gmail that I've had for well over five years now (and which I never tell people — all my other addresses simply forward to it, and I manage them there). I've received flight confirmations, receipts for purchases from stores I've never heard of, service reminders for a Volkswagen and a Corvette I don't own, family chain letters, sports team organizational emails, all sorts of things.

    If I was the nefarious sort, I could do all sorts of nasty things to these people — simply clicking "I've forgotten my password" could get me access to a bunch of accounts. I have tried to contact some of the people, but of course most of the time I don't have alternate contact info. Usually I just delete the emails and move on. You would figure that people would, once in a while, check to see if the email address they're providing is actually the one they own.

    • drbethsnow says:

      There must be quite a few D. Millers out there wondering why they never get their flight confirmations and their Corvettes keep breaking down because they don't get the reminders to bring it in for service. I can see how other people might mess up your email (my UBC email is "mesimpso" rather than "mesimpson" (I'm too cheap to pay the fee to change it from my old last name to Snow) people constantly would try to send it to the latter), but how do you mess up your *own* email, repeatedly?

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