So I’m reading Monica’s blog and she’s posted about this site called the Random Logline Generator, which is supposed to give you ideas for stories.  As Monica puts it:

It’s set up to produce:

A career [+ sometimes another character] + what happens + occasionally where and where the action occurs.  It also sometimes adds traits/adjectives to the characters.

And then she said this:

Try it yourself.  It’s good for at least an hour’s worth of entertainment.*

Where the asterisk indicates “This assumes that, like me, you have the maturity of a 12-year-old and, quite possibly, don’t leave the house enough.”

OMG, I *do* have the maturity of as 12-year-old boy… I even have a tag on my blog to prove it1!  So of course I tried it.  And I would like to state, for the record, that when she said “at least” an hour, she did mean it was the minimum amount of time one would get sucked into hitting that “Generate Random Logline” button.  So now you’ll have to read a blog posting full of the inanity, because I’ve spent all my time reading randomly generated loglines and have nothing else to blog about.  Blame Monica.

IMG_0924Well, really, she should have seen that coming.

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Wait, the mailbomb is in someone’s mind? Or the barber is?  This is so confusing.

Also occurring in someone’s mind:

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Two women having sex in someone’s mind?  That would never happen.

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I think if anyone shouldn’t be gullible, it would be the wife of marriage counselor.  Also, that’s not how you are supposed to spell gullible.  Look it up.

Next up, what the %^&* is a “peanut teller”?  Because he’s showing up in THREE of my plots and sometimes he has two heads:

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And what is the peanut teller writing in his diary anyway?  A secret so perverse that he can’t even tell it to the peanuts?

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There is something so very wrong about the phrase “eternally-cheerful rapist.”

Apparently screenwriting guru Robert McKee says that you know a comedy will be a hit if you can describe it in one sentence and it makes people laugh.  If that’s true, then this next one will be a blockbuster:

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I don’t know why, but that one made me do a spit take.  And I wasn’t even drinking anything!

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An  ancient online burial ground?  Isn’t that called MySpace?

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This one had me picturing a women in bed with a skeleton.  “Wait a minute, you mean boners aren’t actally ….”

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Wind up what?  Their watches?  In an ancient burial ground in cyberspace?  Don’t leave me hanging!

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Goddamn lion, put on some pants already!

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Wait, weren’t they called the Vancouver Grizzlies?

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First of all, what’s going on in Boston that people are leaving as refugees?  Secondly, I need clarification – are they trying to pick up the alligators?

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I think we may have some gender confusion issues going on here.

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Never trust a player player.  He will totally play you.

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Wait, wasn’t that the plot of Full House?

  1. though now that I look it, I haven’t tagged nearly enough of my postings with it.  Tag FAIL! []

7 Replies to “”

  1. I am *seriously* gasping for breath from laughing and crying so hard.

    As for the clairvoyant restaurant owner who got mugged in a greenhouse, she’s only clairvoyant in the restaurant.

    The CEO and four stark raving mad babies are the BC NeoLiberals, who have taught us that crime and deceit pay.

    How does one kidnap a ghost?

  2. The CEO and four stark raving mad babies = the BC NeoLiberals just made me do another spit take!

    Personally, I have no idea how to kidnap a ghost… but you know who you gonna call about that?

  3. From my attempts:

    The roommate of a German movie-star has a major breakdown in a forest.

    A small-time linguist delivers bad news to the granddaughter of a restaurant owner.

    The bad news: he’s not very cunning.

    A moronic hitwoman, a fashion-conscious butcher, and an indecisive airplane pilot kidnap a car salesman.

    I’m pretty sure this is already a Coen Brothers film.

    A superficial philosopher and a hallucinating tight-rope walker try to pick up dates in a coffee shop.

    Why does the coffee shop stock dates… and why are they on the floor?

    An international spy babysits for the sedated sister-in-law of an axe murderer.

    The international spy will definitely by played by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

    A detective goes on a killing spree.

    So much for originality–most recently done in The Departed.

    A lycanthropic elf rescues a ghost in a corn field.

    Wow… a werewolf who is also an elf… this will drive D&D fanboys nuts.

    In the 1970s, life-guards break into a computer in a small office.

    I’m pretty sure in the 70s, the computer would have to be housed in a pretty big office. Or else they really wanted my dad’s 16K TRS-80 computer with the tape cassette drive.

    A critically-acclaimed criminal and a patriot get completely trashed.

    Is a critically-acclaimed criminal what happens if Margaret Atwood commits murder?

    An incompetent wife, an AIDS victim, and an acrobatic waitress practice an act for a talent show.

    Wow… tacky enough to be an Adam Sandler/Seth Rogen co-production.

    Taciturn workers get married.

    The twist is… they’re GAY!

    An AIDS victim borrows the clothes of a tattered elf.

    Starring Tom Hanks and Orlando Bloom.

    In 1890s Chicago, CEOs disguise themselves as each other on an alien planet.

    I know Chicago is “out there,” but I didn’t realise it qualified as an alien planet. Or maybe this is one of those bad “time travel to the past” episodes of the original Star Trek?

    A murderer and eight ornithophobic journalists are guests at a party.

    I’m hoping the party is set at a bird sanctuary.

    A large cartoonist, a hysterical anthropologist, and a cab driver join a political cause.

    So THAT’S how Libertarian party got 3 new members!

    A gay zombie takes dancing lessons from a tormented cashier.

    Not quite as satisfying as http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZuK_wYrqp8 and really, what gay zombie worth his salt needs dancing lessons from a cashier? Unless the cashier works for The Gap, I guess. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knW1hGwmEXQ

    And just to finish up on a totally weird one:

    A one-handed researcher, a producer, and a holographic bug-eyed monster form a rock band in a castle.

  4. This was seriously the logline for a show that aired tonight: “A beautiful young doctor suddenly becomes a patient.”

    Hmmn… seems like we’re not the only people who know about this site.

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