Kitties Report, Q1

Introduction

The cats were acquired by Snow Industries on 18 January 2014, such that the initial cat fiscal year runs from 18 Jan 2014 to 17 Jan 2015 (henceforth referred to as fiscal year (FY) 2014. This report covers quarter 1 of FY2014.

Assets

A capital investment1 of $225 was made to acquire said cats. Other fixed assets included a scratching post, litter box/scoop/mat, food and water dishes, and cat carriers. These non-biological capital investments are categorized as “supplies” for accounting purposes, because our accountant is lazy. See Figure 1 for a breakdown of expense by category2

Operating Expenses

Primary operating expenses for said cats comprise food and litter, with additional variable costs including treats, cat nip, cat grass, and toys3. Cost savings have been realized for food by the R&D department’s discovery that First Mate Cat Food and First Mate Dog Food are identical products4, but the dog food costs 34% less (see Figure 2). A consistent feeding program results in highly accurate forecasting of food consumption, allowing for optimal inventory management.

The R&D department is actively investigating suppliers for litter. Initially, pine pellets were used, as this was the litter the cats were using prior to the acquisition and using the same product was recommended as the cats acclimatized to the organization. That product performed well on the characteristic of not smelling bad, but performed poorly on the sawdust-getting-tracked-all-over-the-apartment characteristic. The next supplier to be tested was Natural Cat, which is grain-based, clumping, and flushable. The product does not appear to perform quite as promised, it is more sticky than clumpy, retains a slight ammonia-y odour, and though it tracks less than the pine pellets, it does tracks across a large mat in the litter box area. An external consultant conducted an independent audit5 and has recommended investigation of World’s Best Cat Litter. The R&D department will be conducting further research on this topic in Q2.

Our innovative sustainability program includes re-purposing packaging from our suppliers as cat containment/entertainment devices, resulting in significant cost savings (see Figure 3).

Dr. Watson, The Cat

Risk Assessment

Major risks for this endeavour include claws and teeth, but the sweet nature of the CATpital assets mitigates this risk. However, CATpital investment Watson loves to rip the crap out of cardboard, causing a minor inconvenience for the janitorial staff. The anticipated risk of the cats eating the Frog Department seems to have been quelled, as the cats rarely pay any attention at all to the tank, unless the CEO is interacting with the frogs, at which point both cats stare up at the interaction.

Social Media Marketing

The cats have embarked on a social media marketing campaign by handling their own Twitter account. (See Figure 4 for monthly Twitter activity). In addition, the cats are regularly featured on the Snow Industries Twitter account, and were highlighted during the CEO’s reign as the Curator of the People of Canada Twitter account. Market research indicates a strong positive reaction to Watson & Crick, though this is not surprising given the overall trend of appreciation for cats on the Internets.

Return on Investment

ROI was strong in Q1, coming in the form of cuddles, cuteness, and love. (See Figures 5 to 8 for representative examples of cuteness). Forecasts anticipate ongoing positive returns for the foreseeable future.

Dr. Watson, The Cat

 

Dr. Crick, the Cat

 

Crick is helping me blog

 

Watson

 

IMG_5123
  1. Or should I say CATpital investment? []
  2. Get it. CATegory! []
  3. Watson is also a huge fan of any green vegetables – lettuce, asparagus, green beans, and especially cucumber, but these come out of existing Snow Industries inventory and are sufficiently small as to be ignored for cat accounting purposes. Crick, on the other hand, looks at the supplier as if she is crazy when offered lettuce []
  4. Including the addition of taurine, which is a required amino acid for cats. []
  5. Thanks for cat sitting, Steven! []

Comments |6|

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  • Check with your vet – dog food may be cheaper but it is usually lacking in meat protein and lack certain nutrients such as taurine (amino acid) which is essential to cats. If there is taurine added to dog food it is much less than what is in cat food. Cats require MUCH more protein and fat in their diet than dogs. Not enough taurine in their diet which is in cat food at higher levels than dog food means cats become malnourished with feeding them only dog food. They could also go blind – would hate to have to contribute to seeing eye dogs and little white canes for your cats although an interesting concept…

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  • The senior* feline employee here at Ennis Enterprises is currently on a formal Performance Improvement Plan following her recent expense claim of several hundred dollars for veterinary services. Her junior colleague has expressed her own doubts regarding the legitimacy of the business case for the three day absence, in the form of hissing. The fiscal ROI on the senior feline employee’s social media activities has been disappointing, despite enthusiastic reception from the target audience, and the additional expenses and time incurred by the cleaning contractors/CEO must also be taken into account.

    *I don’t know which one is older, but she’s bigger, hence senior.

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  • @Cath – Yeah, veterinary services are something that I should have covered in the risk assessment section of the quarterly report, especially given my knowledge of Ennis Enterprises’ recent unanticipated expenditure on that cost centre.

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  • @Aunt Lynn – I’ve already confirmed that the dog food is *identical* to the cat food – including the taurine level. It’s literally the exact same stuff – they just package it in different size cans for cats vs. dogs.

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  • Re: Litter. Wood pellets used for wood stoves are excellent for repurposing as kitty litter. It’s non stinky, natural and doesn’t stick to their paws. But can you buy a bag of wood pellets at this time of year in Vancouver? Maybe not. Best of luck with investments!

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  • Yeah, wood pellets (a.k.a. pine pellets) are what I used at first, but they tracked the sawdust all over the apartment. They don’t track the actual pellets, but when the pellets get wet, they disintegrate into sawdust and that stuff really sticks to them.

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