Not To Be Trusted With Knives

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Who Should Be My Favourite Canuck?

Jake Virtanen.jpg

Jake Virtanen at the 2014 CHL Top Prospects Game

So way, way back in the old timey days of the NHL pre-season, a young Jake Virtanen caught my eye, mostly because he was wearing jersey #27, which is *my* jersey number1 and then I Googled him and not only is he a hottie, but he was born in New Westminster! So clearly, I thought, he should be my favourite Canuck this year, given that my last year’s favourite Canuck, the then-#27 Shawn Matthias, signed as an unrestricted free agent with the Leafs in the off season, as the Canucks did not re-sign him. But then the regular season started and Jake switched jerseys numbers to 18 and I got busy with teaching and promptly forgot about my need to choose a new favourite Canuck for this year.

Ben Hutton 10-2015a.jpg

Ben Hutton during a pre-game warmup on Oct 22, 2015

Anyhoo, I’m watching the Canucks game tonight and I noticed that someone is, in fact, wearing number 27. Turns out it’s Ben Hutton, another kid in his first year on the Canucks. A quick Google search demonstrates that he’s also pretty easy on the eyes2

So now I’m trying to decide: should Jake, the New Westie, be my favourite Canuck this year, or Ben, #27? Or should I declare it a tie and say they are both my favourite Canucks this year?

Image Credits:
Jake Virtanen” by 5of7Jake Virtanen – 2014 Top Prospect. Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 via Commons.

Ben Hutton 10-2015a” by Bure’s Triple DekeOwn work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0 via Commons.

Footnotes:

  1. On one of my teams anyway []
  2. The photo shown here doesn’t really show that, but there didn’t seem to be any photos online with a Creative Commons or similar type license that I could post that show his face. But if you are interested in his face, you can check him out here. []

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Celtic Thunder

Super tired from a long workday followed by evening class (after a weekend full of classes and a Monday class and omg, so many classes.) So today I give you Irish hotties singing a catchy Irish tune:

Props to Leslie from my bus tour of Ireland for sharing this with me!

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In-Depth Analysis of The Latest Canucks Trade

I got a text message from my friend JB yesterday. All it said was:

“Beth Snow + David Booth = babies?”

David Booth, I thought? Who the hell is David Booth?  Turns out that I’ve been a negligent Canucks fan and had missed the news that we’d traded away Samuelsson and Strum for Booth and Reinprecht from the Florida Panthers.

This is David Booth:

Hello, hottie!

My friends know me too well!

The rest of the people in this deal are uggoes, so by my calculations we unloaded two not-hotties and picked up one hottie and one not-hottie. Thus, I approve of this trade!

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Hockey Pool Week 4: Time To Clean House

I’ve been incredibly lazy in my hockey pool and haven’t changed my picks since the first week. And I’ve suffered the consequences, as I now sit in last place in my pool! *hangs head in shame*

So I decided that it was time to shake things up, which meant I had to actually look at my list and see who was underperforming and who I should replace them with, which, of course, meant I had to make a spreadsheet1. And after this in depth analysis, I made the following changes to my roster.

Kicked Off The Team

  • Benoit Pouliot
  • Dustin Brown2
  • Shea Weber
  • Brent Seabrook
  • Victor Hedman3
  • Carey Price

New Recruits

I should point out that I have adapted my definition of “hottie” for the purposes of this pool. If I can find just one photo of a player on the Internet in which they look hot, they now qualify as a hottie4.

Thomas Vanek

Ryan Nugent-Hopkins

I scouted out Ryan as a hottie in my analysis of the new draftees earlier this year, and while I realize his good numbers have a lot to do with the hat trick he got against the Canucks, I decided to take a gamble on him that he’ll keep playing this well – and that he won’t get sent down to the minors for development.

Erik Karlsson

Christian Erhoff

Former Canuck. Current hottie.

Sheldon Souray

Kari Lehtonen

Here’s hoping the new recruits bring me up from my sad little last place existence!

  1. I do love a good spreadsheet. []
  2. Although Dustin actually has more points than Alex Burrows, who I’m keeping, Alex in my only Canuck. []
  3. Probably the hottest guy on my team, but just not performing at the actual hockey playing part. []
  4. As opposed to my previous definition where they had to look hot in most of their photos on the Internet. []

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My Week 1 Hotties

Since the NHL regular season starts tonight (huzzah!), I had to pick my players for Cath’s fantasy hockey pool last night. The pool is a little different than the one I was in last year, where there was a draft and then that was your team for the whole year. In the pool I’m in now, the rules are a little more complicated.

The Rules

  • We are required to pick: 6 forwards, 4 defencemen, 2 goalies
  • You pick 3 “star” players (1 of your forwards, 1 of your defencemen, and 1 of your goalies). For those three players, you get double points for all the points they score for you (based on goals/assists for forwards and D-men, and wins/shutouts for goalies).
  • Each player is assigned a point value (1-4) based on how good they are predicted to be and the “salary cap” for your team is 30 points.
  • You can change your picks every week.
All this means that I not only have to pick a bunch of hotties, but I have to pay attention to such things as which teams is playing which other team in any given week, which hotties are on hot streaks and which ones are not. On the plus side, this is a reason to think about my hotties more often than usual!

Anyhoo, I decided that I should probably make a list of hotties from which to draw. I started by going through the leading scorers from last season, picking out the hotties, which gave me the following list to start from (format: name – team – position – # points last year):

  • Martin St. Louis – Tampa Bay – right wing – 99 points
  • Jarome Iginla – Calgary – right wing – 86 points
  • Brad Richards – Dallas – centre – 77 points
  • Jonathan Toews – Chicago – centre – 76 points
  • Ryan Kesler ((I don’t actually find Kesler’s face all that attractive, but those abs alone make him a hottie!  In fact, I wanted to just pick “Ryan Kesler’s abs,” but that doesn’t seem to be an option.)) – Vancouver – centre – 73 points
  • Patrick Kane – Chicago – centre – 73 points
  • Ryane Clowe – San Jose -left wing – 62 points
  • Mikko Koivu – Minnesota – centre – 62 points
  • Dustin Brown – LA – right wing – 57  points
  • Devin Setoguchi – Minnesota – right wing – 41 points1
This didn’t give me very many defenceman, so I had to go further down the list to get some of them:
  • Kris Letang – Pittsburgh – defence – 50 points
  • Shea Weber2 – Nashville – defence – 48 points
  • Brent Seabrook – Chicago – defence – 48 points
  • Alex Pietrangelo – St. Louis – defence – 43 points

From this list, I went onto the hockey pool website and made some choices. I had to do some juggling because of the stupid salary cap, but this is what I ultimately ended up with for this week:

Week 1 Hockey Hotties Picks

And now in photographic form:

martin-st.-louis.jpg

Martin St. Louis

Brad Richards

Brad Richards

Dustin Brown by nicholeglaze

Dustin Brown

Jonathan Toews by dtkindler

Jonathan Toews

Alex Burrows

Me

Benoit Pouliot

080228 Kris Letang by Dan4th

Kris Letang

Shea Weber

Brent Seabrook

Victor Hedman

20100206 Pekka unmasked

Pekka Rinne

 Price_crop_340x234

Carey Price

  1. he’s not at the top, but I had to include him as a possibility ‘cuz he’s so damn cute! []
  2. Only hot sans beard. []

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Hockey Pool Wrap Up

Hey, remember how I went into a hockey pool and chose only hotties for my team and then didn’t mention it all season? Yeah, turns out that I didn’t do so well. But it’s not my fault – it’s Sidney Crosby’s fault!

In case you’ve been living under a rock (or you are Kalev1), Sidney Crosby – my first draft pick – was out for much of season with a concussion. And it’s awfully difficult for him to score points for me when he’s not playing! Of course, despite not playing since January, he was the #2 scorer on my team2, bested only by the delicious Jonathan Toews3.

In the end, I came in 7th out of the 9 people in the pool. And the hottest of the hotties – Scottie Upshall – was my second worst player.

The hotties are lucky that they have their striking good looks to fall back on!

  1. being that Kalev is a hockey hater []
  2. with his 66 points []
  3. with his 76 points []

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Hockey Pool – All Hotties, All The Time

A little while ago, Darren announced on Twitter that he’d be running a hockey pool to which, naturally, I immediately responded “count me in!” As you know, I have a knack for in-depth analysis of hockey players and what better way to put said skills to use than to join a hockey pool, right?  The pool is a straight up points pool – you draft 12 players (and thus only one person in the pool can have each player) with draft order picked by random number draw, and you get a point for every point your players score, no minimum/maximum number of defenceman/forwards, and no goalies (you know, given that they typically don’t score points and all). My philosophy in hockey pools – as in life – is to pick the hot ones.  The draft was held on Saturday and I was lucky enough to draw draft position #2 and since Darren took the exceedingly unattractive Ovechkin first overall, I was able to get my #1 pick, the exceedingly adorable Sidney Crosby! After my round #2 pick of super hottie Jonathan Toews, a comment may have been made that “Beth likes ’em young” – a point which, of course, I did not argue. Now, given that this was a draft, there were quite a few hotties that I did not manage to snag for my team, like, for example, the delicious Zach Parise, my hometown hottie Alexandre Burrows, and the little cutie Pat Kane1. But I was able to successfully draft a team of a dozen fine looking young men:

  1. Sidney Crosby (Pittsburgh)
  2. Sidney Crosby

  3. Jonathan Toews (Chicago)
  4. Jonathan Toews

  5. Mike Green (Washington)
  6. Mike Green

  7. Jason Pominville (Buffalo)
  8. Jason Pominville

  9. Mikko Koivu (Minnesota)
  10. Mikko Koivu

  11. Dustin Brown (LA)
  12. Dustin Brown

  13. Shea Weber (Nashville)
  14. Shea Weber

  15. Mike Knuble (Washington)
  16. Mike Knuble

  17. Ryan Clowe (San Jose)
  18. Ryan Clowe

  19. Devin Setoguchi (San Jose)
  20. Devin Setoguchi

  21. Scottie Upshall (Phoenix)
  22. Scottie Upshall

  23. Brenden Morrow (Dallas)

Brenden Morrow

So those are my boys for the season. Do me proud, my hotties, do me proud!

  1. without the playoff mullet, Pat is a hottie []

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Hockey Hotties 2010/11 – Your Suggestions Needed!

So Darren is running a hockey pool and, of course, (a) I’m joining and (b) I’m stacking my team with the hottest NHL players I can find. Seriously, this strategy won me $250 in gift certificates in the hockey pool I was in last year, and who am I to question a proven method?

I’ll be using all my previous hockey hotties lists (see here, here, here and here) as a starting point, but I want your suggestions as well. I mean, it would be a terrible tragedy if I missed out on any potential hotties!

So let me know in the comments section who you think are the hottest men in the NHL so I can try to score them… in my hockey pool draft.

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Welcome to the Newest Canucks Hottie!

http://www.hockeyworldblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Manny-Malhotra.jpg

Today the Canucks picked up free agent centreman Manny Malhotra, formerly of the San Jose Sharks.  He’s originally from Mississauga, a city located next to my hometown.  Also – he’s a hottie!

Welcome to Vancouver, Manny!

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Hockey Hotties – Fresh Meat 2010

It’s sunny and warm today – just the type of weather that gets one thinking about hockey!  This weekend marks the NHL 2010 Entry Draft, being held at the Staples Centre in Los Angeles.  And, as has become my custom, I’ve done a thorough analysis of the draft picks.

First, what’s up with the names of these kids?  Picks #1 and 2 are Taylor and Tyler? Perhaps this makes me officially old, but when I was a kid, boys had names like John and Scott and Bryan.

Tyler Seguin, left, and Taylor Hall, the top two picks, pose for a photo before the first round of the NHL National Hockey League draft at Staples Center in Los Angeles Friday, June 25, 2010.

Tyler and Taylor.

Now, on to the more important things.  Taylor Hall, a left wing drafted by the Edmonton Oilers, and Tyler Seguin, a centreman heading to Boston, both =”hotties.”  Also, I’m pretty sure Taylor is Val Kilmer’s illegitimate love child.

NHL Draft Hockeyhttp://shhville.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/val-kilmer-20060626-140085.jpg

Taylor Hall (top), Val Kilmer (bottom)

The next picks six picks – Erik Gudbranson, Ryan Johansen, Brett Connelly, Jeff Skinner, and Alexander Burmistrov – all belong in the “not” category.

But then comes draft pick #9.  Hello Mikael Granlund, the 5’10” centreman from Finland, drafted by Minnesota:

http://www.junnut.com/kausi0809/kuvat/ka_pelaajia08/_MG_9471_Mikael-Granlund.jpg

Hot-tie!

Rounding out the top 10 is Dylan McIlrath, who doesn’t look half bad in the photo on the NHL draft’s webpage:

but looks extremely not hot in every other photo of him on the interwebs:

http://www.mjwarriors.ca/siteimages/Game%20Day/MAR1309/Awards10.jpg

So that’s three hotties out of the top 10 drafts picks. Not great, but it could have been worse.