Not To Be Trusted With Knives

Team Hockey P0rn – Your Suggestions Needed!

September 30, 2013 by Beth

Last year, I never really got into the NHL hockey season. With the lockout being so long, by the time the season started, I’d moved on with my life and just couldn’t figure out how to fit hockey watching in. But the thing is, I really *like* watching hockey. And when you add to that the fact that the light at the end of the MBA tunnel is fast approaching, I really will need something to do to fill all the free time I’m going to have come the end of December! All that to say, I’m very excited that the new season starts this week.

And with the new season starting this week, so too does the annual VWXYPool! Hockey pool! The pool is open to regular readers of my friend Cath’s blog, VWXYNot?, which means it’s full of nerdy scientists who love to watch hockey and trash talk one another. So it’s loads of fun!

Now, as you know, I like to have a theme for how I pick the players for my hockey team. In 2011-12, I took the term “fantasy hockey pool” literally and formed Team Hottie, for which I could only chose attractive players. And I did terribly in the pool. So then in 2012-13, I decided to go the opposite way and formed Team Uggoe, for which I could only choose the hideously ugly. And I again did terrible in the pool. So I’m starting to think that choosing hockey players based on appearance may not be the best way to form a hockey pool team. I think it’s time for a new strategy.

And my new strategy is thus: I’m taking a suggestion that Cath made last year in a comment on my Team Uggoe posting – I’m forming Team Hockey P0rn, which means I can only put someone on my team if they have a name that sounds in some way dirty. The obvious members of the team, as Cath pointed out in that comment, are:

• Grant Clitsome
• David Legwand
• Alex Burrows

A quick look at the list of available players has given me the following additions:

• Victor Hedman
• Jonathan Quick
• Patrick Kane
• Evander Kane
• and someone I’ve never heard of before, but who is perfect for this team: Jiří Tlustý

This is a good start, but clearly I need more players. So I thought I’d ask you, gentle reader: do you know of any NHL players with dirty sounding names?

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