Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


Why Do I Look Like I Was Bitten By A Vampire With Bad Aim?

So, yesterday when I got out of the shower, I noticed this1:


I have no freaking idea what it’s from!

I also have a bruise on my inner thigh from getting it with some chick’s stick in my hockey game on Wednesday, but I’m refraining from taking a photo of that. I wouldn’t want to sully my usually high class blog with such a tawdry thing.

  1. It actually looks worse today, but I don’t have time to take a picture as I’m writing this up super quickly and have to run out the door to hockey now. []

22 Responses to Why Do I Look Like I Was Bitten By A Vampire With Bad Aim?

  1. WTH? Maybe a reaction to a pendant or something? Have you worn any new jewelry lately?

    I have two blackish-purple, unexplained bruises, too. One on my calf, one on my knee. Boo!

  2. Dan says:

    If I had a bruise on my inner thigh, I’d totally post a picture of it. But I’m not nearly as classy as you 🙂

    Also, are they actual bites? Perhaps bed bugs? Seriously – they are becoming a huge problem.

  3. Rick says:

    Were you bitten by a vampire??

  4. Kalev says:

    I still say it’s hockey, even delayed-reaction hockey, because hockey is the devil.

    But yeah, bug bites was that next thing I thought of, given you went for a run. In Slurrey, where the bugs are probably just as classy as its inhabitants.

  5. Beth says:

    It’s not a bed bug bite, or any other type of bite, as far as I can tell, because bites usually have a little bump where the actual bite happened, and these are more like abrasions. But I haven’t been doing anything, um, abrasive lately. Nor have I worn any new jewelry nor any new hockey gear.

    @Kalev – Um, how does going for a run relate to bed bugs? Unless you think “going for a run” is a euphemism (in which case, my blog would be FAR more exciting than it currently is).

    I think the only possible conclusion is that Rick is correct and I have, in fact, been bitten by a vampire. A vampire with abrasive teeth and bad aim.

  6. Kalev says:

    I said “bug bites.” Not bed bugs. Dan said bed bugs.

  7. Beth says:

    Ah, that makes more sense!

  8. Rick says:

    I knew it! According to my limited research via the first Twilight movie, vampires are sneaky. And they kind of glow.

  9. Kalev says:

    SPARKLE! Everyone knows vampires SPARKLE!

  10. Rick says:

    Kalev, but of course! How could I make such a mistake? Clearly I need to brush up on my vampire research…

  11. Demonweed says:

    This should be a simple case to solve. Be on the lookout for any vampires participating in long distance running events and/or with a passion for hockey that stands out even against Canada’s high background level of passion for hockey. No doubt the drink was at the top end of the scale in terms of imparting energy. Let’s just hope it is an enduring high so that the drinker of blood is not driven to inflict further blemishes.

    As a serious aside, I had an experience with bedbugs while traveling a few years back. Initially the bites were not at all raised or bumpy. They looked much like those spots, save for occurring as a trio along my stomach and being much darker in color. A couple of days after the incident, each bite did rise to a subtle bump; but that morning I clearly observed flat crimson blotches that were slightly sore to the touch. I have no ironclad evidence that bedbugs were the culprit, but I thought it was a reasonable inference on awaking with a line of three red marks after taking my slumber at lodgings of dubious quality.

  12. Beth says:

    I think I have discovered the culprit and it is not, in fact, bugs of any kind (bed or otherwise). I put on one of my necklaces and discovered that it lays *exactly* where those two marks are. It’s not a new necklace, so I’m not sure why I just now started to react to it, but, like I said, the marks are *exactly* where that necklace touches me. So it looks like Sarah was right!

  13. krista lee says:

    I was hoping for vampire but if it is a reaction to the necklace you could try painting it with clear nailpolish. The necklace not the vampire bites.

  14. Beth says:

    Good call. I’ll paint it with clear nailpolish and then wait until the vampire bites go away before I wear it again and hopefully that will fix it!

  15. Kalev says:

    It is obviously the uranium having eroded the natural stainless steel shielding. 😀

  16. Beth says:

    Obviously. But I’m sure a little clear nailpolish will hold that uranium back!

  17. Kalev says:

    I have full faith in the uranium-shielding properties of clear nail polish. And cotton candy.

  18. Beth says:

    Mmmm, cotton candy!

  19. toni says:

    O wow! how did u get those? i got bite marks on my chest……

  20. Beth says:

    @Toni – Turned out to not be bites after all, but rather a reaction to a necklace.

  21. alexandra says:


  22. KitKat says:

    Oh my gosh! I have almost the exact same thing on my arm, but it’s slightly bloodied! I don’t believe in vampires, but I found it on my arm today and Google searched it to find this…
    I’m kinda creeped out actually, because I’m unusually tired…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.