Not To Be Trusted With Knives

The Internet’s leading authority on radicalized geese


Delicious Sharkies

In addition to PowerGels, I’ve now added Sharkies – fruit chew thingys that are shaped like sharks – to my half marathon training regimen. Like PowerGels, Sharkies are meant to replace electrolytes and provide carbs for when you do crazy thinks like run for hours or play hockey for days. Unlike PowerGels, Sharkies are delicious, organic, and you get to hum the Jaws music when you eat them1.

But when I was out for my 16 km run on Monday and I was eating a delicious Sharkie2, it occurred to me how awesome it is that I’m devouring Sharkies while my Canucks are facing the San Jose Sharks in the Western Conference final! So I took this picture:

Day 331

Me, devouring a Sharkie, just like the Canucks devoured San Jose in last night’s game!

  1. For the record, I have no affiliation with the Sharkies people. I just realized that I totally sound like I’m shilling for them! Which I’m not. If the Sharkies people see this and want to send me copious amounts of Sharkies for free, I would not turn them down, however. Hint, hint. []
  2. And yes, for the record, I totally hum the Jaws music when I eat a Sharkie out in public too []


100 Days Until the Puck Drops!

Can you believe that it’s only 100 days until the puck drops for the Longest Game of Ice Hockey? It seems like only days ago I signed on to play hockey for 10 days straight (eek!) and now here it is, a mere 2,400 hours until 39 women and I step onto the ice to play hockey for 242+ hours!!

And to commemorate this momentous occasion (of there being only 100 days left ’til the game starts!), I’ve added a footer to all my blog posts. I’m not sure if you’ll be able to see the footer if you read this via the RSS feeds1, but if not, it looks like this:

5312_logo_final_masterI’m playing in the Longest Game of Hockey for CF – a 10-day long hockey game to raise money for Cystic Fibrosis. Please consider donating!

Isn’t that a lovely footer? Doesn’t it just make you want to click on it and donate??

A few other reminders about the game:

  • You should totally donate. Just click on the big “donate now” button on my bio page. And be sure to select my name from the drop down list. Also, thank you to those of you who have donated already2!
  • Do you own a company or know someone who owns a company? Did you know that it’s been scientifically proven by scientists that sponsoring me will increase your company’s awesomeness levels by a factor of 100? Your company will get all the benefits of the “Sponsor a Player Package.” Plus, you’ll be forever associated with me and my awesomeness.
  • I’m still selling chocolate hockey sticks and pucks. And I’m willing to deliver them to you3.
  • You should totally donate.
  1. I guess I’ll know once I publish this posting! []
  2. There’s been a bit of a technical glitch with getting a list of people who have donated for me, so I haven’t been able to thank you all personally, but I will get the list and I will thank you each individually and profusely []
  3. Within reason. And for a price. Make me an offer! []


I’ve decided to start planking. Wait, what?

For a while now, I’ve seen photos of Dan and Rick planking. And while I’ve always thought they were pretty cool, I’d never actually planked myself. That is, until yesterday.

Now that I’ve thoroughly confused you, let me start at the beginning. That being: what the hell is planking?? For the uninitiated, planking is where you lie stiff as a board (face down, fingers and toes pointed back, face expressionless) in some unlikely location and take a picture of it. Like this:

And this Globe & Mail article tells me that all the cool kids are doing it. It also told me that May 25 is Global Planking Day. Being that I have the sense of humour of a 12-year old boy, I decided it was high time to get my plank on.

But here’s the thing: planking can be dangerous. Apparently some kid tried to do it on a balcony railing and fell to his death. So I decided it was best if I try my first plank is a safe location. Plus, I didn’t have anyone on hand to take my photo for me, so I needed somewhere I could just set up my camera’s timer. Hence, here is a photo of me planking in my office yesterday:

Day 329

Of course, the whole point of planking is to do this in a public location, because it confuses the hell out of passersby and hilarity ensues. Now that I’ve planked1, I feel confident that I can plank publicly in time for Global Planking Day. All I need now is a photographer…

See also:

Image Credit: Image of random chick planing is from The other photo is mine, obviously.

  1. Though, really, given that this wasn’t in public, it’s more of a proto-plank []


Happy Belated Car-iversary To Me!

I can’t believe I forgot my own car-iversary! It was two years ago yesterday that I brought my bouncing baby Smart car home from the dealership.

My car:

Black Cars Look Better In The Shade

Clearly, I’m compensating for my giant IQ.

Happy car-iversary, Zaphod Beeblebrox the Car!


Derek’s Memorial

There was a public memorial for Derek today at the Granville Island Stage. It was beautiful and touching, with people from all aspects of his life saying a few words, talking about what Derek meant to them, telling stories of what they remember, and his band played.
Some member of The Odds, who Derek knew, spoke and then left saying they “had to get to their next gig”1.

As was mentioned on Twitter, it was the first memorial I’ve ever been to that had a Twitter live stream and its own hashtag (#welovederek).

Enjoying photos of Derek with live tweets. #weLOVEderek #weLOVEairdrie <3

Also tonight, there was a story about Derek on the National – you can watch it here.

And finally, there is a trust fund for the Miller family, to which donations can be made at Vancity Credit Union branches or via PayPal.

Image Credit: Posted by StacieBee on Flickr.

  1. Turned out, their next gig was playing at tonight’s Canucks game []


Northern Voice 2011

So it’s Northern Voice time again! The conference just opened and Travis did a very touching tribute to Derek. I mentioned in a previous post that my first introduction to Derek was at Northern Voice 2007, when the whole crowd was asked to yell “Hi Derek!” which was videotaped for him, as he couldn’t make it to the conference that year. So Travis’s tribute ended with asking the crowd to yell out “Goodbye, Derek!” He is missed here.

Now I’m listening to keynote speaker, April Smith, talking about Storytelling From The Heart of The City.

I’m sure I’ll have lots to report as the day goes on.


Bottled Water Is Bullshit – Canucks Edition

Darren Facebooked earlier today about his disappointment at seeing Canucks-branded bottled water in stores recently – you know, given that bottled water is a “lousy, wasteful product,” (or, as I like to say – bottled water is bullshit).

Just the other day I’d been in Save-on-Foods and saw the exact product he was talking about – they are selling bottles of water with pictures of various Canucks players on them. Now, despite the fact that I don’t buy bottled water because I completely agree with Darren that it is wasteful and stupid – we have the best quality water in the world coming right out of our taps, with no need for environmentally unfriendly plastic and transportation of said water-filled plastic bottles – I’m embarrassed to say it didn’t occur to me to think “this is stupid.” Instead, what I thought when I saw these in the store was:


… “Wow, they drew different pictures for Daniel and Henrik Sedin. I totally would have just used the same one and put their different numbers on their sleeves!”

Priority FAIL!


You can’t spell “fundraising” without C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E

OK, maybe you can. But you shouldn’t, really.

As you know, I’m currently raising money for Cystic Fibrosis Canada as part of the Longest Game of Hockey for CF. (Speaking of which, have you donated yet?)

Well, in addition to asking all y’all to donate, my friend Kim, who has decided to join me in playing this crazy 10-day long hockey game, came up with the brilliant idea of making chocolates to sell as a fundraiser! But not just any kind of chocolates. Oh no, these are very special chocolates, as they are chocolates in the form of hockey sticks and pucks!

Since Kim and I will be staffing a booth at the Non-Profit Expo at the Northern Voice conference on Saturday, we figured that would be a good place to start selling such chocolates! And thus, on Sunday, we spent the afternoon making them!

We started out with 8 kgs of chocolate – some dark, some milk, and even some white1:


And not just any chocolate. Callebaut chocolate. Mmm, Calleabautlicious!


Look at how freaking creamy and delicious that looks when it’s melted down:


Next we poured it into the molds2:


And after some chillin’, we got these babies:


And then repeat that 64 times!

Here is just a part of what we ended up making (there were more in Kim’s downstairs freezer):


So, if you are going to be at the Northern Voice conference, be sure to stop by our booth and buy a chocolate hockey stick or ten!

If you aren’t going to be at Northern Voice, but you still want to buy a delicious chocolate hockey stick or puck (or ten), let me know. For a big enough donation, I’ll deliver them to you3.

  1. Even though everyone knows that white chocolate is not really chocolate! []
  2. Special props to Erika and Paul, who brought these molds up for us from the US of A and made a special delivery right to my office! You guys rock! []
  3. Within reason []


My calf issues are rearing their ugly head

My calves are yet again displeased with me. Ever since I ran the 8 km race two weekends ago, they have been super duper tight. And I woke up with a charley horse in my calf at about 4:30 this morning1.

After my long run on Saturday, I had a massage. I told my massage therapist about my unhappy calves and she worked them over pretty good. To the point that they’ve been super achy – like the kind of ache you have after a really good workout – for the past two days. And, like the last massage therapist that I had work over my calves, she commented on how ridiculously tight my soleus muscles are. “Your gastrocnemius muscles are fine, but your soleus muscles are TIGHT!”

For the uninitiated, the soleus muscle is this one:

Soleus - Muscles of the Lower Extremity Anatomy Visual Atlas, page 34

Now, the first massage therapist had given me a standing stretch to do that will stretch out the soleus. But this massage therapist told me, “I have a great stretch you can do while sitting at your desk!” Well, you know how I feel about multi-tasking my stretches!

To do the stretch, you just take off your shoes and sit in your chair with your knees bent like normal, but you put your toes up on a book, making sure your heel touches the floor, like this:

Day 322 - Sitting soleus muscle stretch

Soleus muscle stretch

It doesn’t look like much, but it super duper helped my tight calves! Honestly, even after my massage on Saturday, I couldn’t get my toes up on a book that was half the size of the one in the above photo2 and still have my heels on the ground, but after a few ~5 minute rounds of this stretch at the office today I can now, as you see in the photo, do it just fine.

Of course, if all else fails, you can just go for some of this, which I found while searching Flickr for “soleus”:

Soleus Organic Wine

Image Credits:

  • Funky picture of muscles of the lower leg was posted by Rob Swatski on Flickr.
  • Soleus Wine picture was posted by J.P. Hussey on Flickr
  • Photos of the stretch itself are all mine!


  1. Do. Not. Like. []
  2. For the record, the one in the above photo is Infinite Jest []


And My Boys Are Off To Round Three!

Day 110
So tonight the Canucks won game #6 of their second playoff round, eliminating the Nashville Predators1 and advancing to the third round for the first time in 17 years!!

I watched the game at my friend Lianna’s place and when I headed back home afterwards, I’d completely forgotten that 72nd and Scott Road is *the* place for Canucks fans in Surrey, so when I took the 72nd Ave exit off Hwy 91, it took me a minute to figure out why the heck traffic was at a standstill! And I inched forward along 72nd, waiting until I could get to a major street to take a detour, would you believe that my iPhone, which I was using to play music on shuffle, started playing Combat Baby? That is the truest of true stories, my friends. And I may, just may, have driven along my little detour with my window open, blaring Combat Baby and honking at all the other fans who were waving flags on the side of the road, or driving up and down the streets.

Go Canucks Go!

  1. I think everyone can agree that it is a mercy that Shea Weber can now shave off that horrible, horrible beard! His beard is so out of control, in fact, that it had its own Facebook page! []